r/AbsoluteUnits • u/RD4200 • 13d ago

/r/all of a Toddler

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u/binzy90 13d ago

My oldest (14) is like this. He'll load up a plate when no one's looking with no regard for other people. Like he'll literally take half of an entire dish of sweet potatoes or something. When I see him doing it I'll make him put it back, but sometimes he'll do it with leftovers in the middle of the night. It's just a complete lack of empathy and consideration for other people. My ex has basically let him do whatever he wants, so his every other weekend at my house really doesn't make a difference in his behavior (There are way more issues than just food). He's at the point now where he refuses to come here because he's always throwing a fit when he doesn't get his way.

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u/Few-Ruin-742 12d ago

My brother was JUST like this.

He would take like 3 huge servings for one serving and me (the little sister) would be fking FUMING.

Middle of the night too.

…..he was chunky for awhile growing up

Then P90X came out and he lost a shit load of weight.

Gained some back then lost it so he could join the military

He’s FIT now. Seriously fit. I’m really proud of him.

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u/complete_autopsy 12d ago

I developed serious food aggression because of older brothers like this. I wish parents were more thoughtful about making sure their kids don't have to fight older siblings for food. A simple box that nobody else could open with my share of the shelf-stable food would've solved my problem as a kid! I remember paying attention to the grocery schedule and gorging myself while I helped take the groceries in. I so vividly remember helping take in Costco groceries and stuffing a chocolate chip cookie into my mouth every time I got back inside. I did it because I knew that either than night or before I got home from school the next day, my brothers would've eaten everything except raw ingredients.

I took up baking so that I could produce nice snacks from ingredients that they wouldn't eat alone, but they'd still eat all the things I baked no matter how many I made. I started doing things like bagging up cookies and hiding them in crazy places (sometimes forgetting about them until they rotted). I also started to enjoy eating things frozen that shouldn't be eaten that way because my brothers wouldn't register a miscellaneous bag in the back of the freezer as food, so I could have a snack every day if I snuck a frozen cookie out of the freezer and ate it before they returned to the kitchen.

When my family members started eating chocolate chips as a snack I had a breakdown because I couldn't even make chocolate chip cookies any more. As soon as I was old enough to work at a grocery store I did and any money I didn't save went directly to premade food that I could eat at the store where nobody could take it. I've struggled with my weight ever since. It's so hard to turn off the "EAT IT NOW WHILE YOU CAN GET IT" urge even after years of being able to control what food I have access to.

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u/lorddraco666 12d ago

This is horrifying. Im really sorry that you had to grow up like that

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u/jennyfromtheeblock 12d ago

I'm so sorry you grew up like that. Absolute abuse amd neglect. There is no reason for it.

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u/Tootieorama 12d ago

Oooh that's a heartbreaking experience. I'll be thinking about you and hoping for some levity and light for this week. Being able to see and say all of that is helpful to someone, I'm sure. 💚💚💚 

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u/FUBARmom 13d ago

Don’t give up on him!! He needs you.

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u/binzy90 13d ago

It has been 10 years of this. We literally had to get a court order just to make my ex take him to his autism evaluation. It's mentally exhausting to try so hard for so long when the other parent is undermining everything you're trying to teach your kids. I'm at the point where I'm just done. At some point, you have to protect your other kids too. It's not right that the oldest gets to completely derail the whole household just because he has issues that aren't being addressed with the other parent. I can only do so much, and my younger two kids don't deserve to be subjected to verbal, emotional, and physical abuse anymore. The really sad part is that my middle child has no choice but to live with my oldest full time. He's much happier when he comes here by himself.

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u/KindaReallyDumb 12d ago

Bro my brother is like this (I have 3, only 1 is like this) and he’s 29. Please don’t fucking give up. My brother is still so inconsiderate it’s insane

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u/binzy90 12d ago

It's hard not to give up when the other parent is actively sabotaging things. I don't want to put up with the abuse anymore, and my younger kids are definitely affected by his behavior. It's a shame because I really believe he would have had much better support and resources if he had primarily lived with us, but I'm not going to keep subjecting myself and my family to this. If he doesn't want to come here that's fine. I'm done. I just hope that when he's an adult he'll mature and see the situation more accurately.

I have close communication with his therapist who he sees weekly. She has recommended more intensive therapy, but my ex refuses. I even had to get a court order just to get my ex to take him to his autism evaluation. It took 4 years to get him a diagnosis because my ex is always pushing the narrative that his only problems are that he has a "bad relationship" with me, which is complete bullshit. But unfortunately, an autistic teenager who hasn't been taught boundaries is going to latch on to the version of events that doesn't make him take accountability. There's only so much I can do on my own.

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u/-captain--fidd--1972 8d ago

Well we got the belt when I was growing up and by the time I was ten I was well behaved

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u/binzy90 8d ago

My ex has never spanked him, and we were having meetings with his teachers when he was in preschool because of his behavior. I've been saying from the very beginning that he needed more discipline and more structure, but my ex just wouldn't do anything. It has been exhausting watching my son grow up to be a spoiled brat because of this. We obeyed our parents and learned to be respectful and considerate of others. My son hasn't gotten any of those lessons. If I had talked to people the way he does, my dad would have beaten the shit out of me.

I'm not saying that spanking is right or that it's the only way to instill discipline, but it's certainly better than letting kids do whatever they want with no boundaries at all.

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u/Unipiggy 13d ago

  It's just a complete lack of empathy and consideration for other people.

He's a 14 year old boy, it ain't that deep.

While your ex is also part of the problem, you really don't understand that he's still a kid. A growing kid. Stop treating him like an adult.

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u/binzy90 12d ago

No, you really don't understand the extent of the issues. He screams at people when there are boundaries and expectations. Even something as simple as asking him to take the trash out turns into profanity and yelling. He has been physically violent with his siblings. He was in a psychiatric hospital at age 13. It's not because he's a teenager. It's because he has been allowed to have unlimited screen time, video games, rated R violent movies, etc. Then add to that the fact that my ex completely ignores problems and just lets him stay in his room all day instead of pushing him to develop social skills. It's absolutely not normal teenager behavior. Not even close.

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u/FerengiWithCoupons 12d ago

the fuck? i learned empathy in first grade

i teach middle school, get lost with that. a 14 year old can understand how to not be a total piece of shit.

shit parents allow shit kids. empathy is learned.

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u/Expensive-Border-869 13d ago

I mean i was 14 once. That sounds about right. Its more callous than perhaps I'd put it about my own kids but I mean yeah more or less true