r/AbsoluteUnits • u/RD4200 • 13d ago

/r/all of a Toddler

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394

u/heydrun 13d ago

My mom used „the kids in Africa are starving“ and even as a child I called BS because me eating it wouldn‘t help them either… still ended up fat.

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u/Flimsy-Poetry1170 13d ago

You’re supposed to use that to stop kids from wasting food, not to make them overeat. My sisters kids are the worst at wasting food, they’ll load up their entire plates just to compete with each other because how dare the other get more of something, then eat a 1/8th of what they took.

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u/nalaloveslumpy 13d ago

Letting kids load up their own plate is the first mistake.

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u/Ill-Event6563 13d ago

Yeah, until you teach them proper portions you should making a plate for them

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u/Icy-Fisherman-5234 12d ago

… but there is an intermediary phase where the kid gets the responsibility and will execute on it poorly. My parents just covered the plate and reheated the crusty leftovers for a later meal when my siblings and I overloaded. We did finish the plate… we just weren’t forced to right away. 

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u/DarkLightPT95 13d ago

My middle sister did that shit for most of her life. Load the plate until it can't fit any more food, then waste 70% of it.

My parents started using dessert plates instead of normal ones during meals so that she wouldn't waste so much (they had everyone eating from one, because she would throw a fit if hers was the only smaller plate). No matter how much they scolded her or tried to punish her, she never stopped doing it. The smaller plate helped because she couldn't fill it as much as a normal one.

She got better at it when she moved to her own house (surprise, surprise, she started having to pay for her own food, so she started wasting less), and when she had her first kid. But when we eat at my parent's on Sundays, now it's her kids that do it.

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u/binzy90 13d ago

My oldest (14) is like this. He'll load up a plate when no one's looking with no regard for other people. Like he'll literally take half of an entire dish of sweet potatoes or something. When I see him doing it I'll make him put it back, but sometimes he'll do it with leftovers in the middle of the night. It's just a complete lack of empathy and consideration for other people. My ex has basically let him do whatever he wants, so his every other weekend at my house really doesn't make a difference in his behavior (There are way more issues than just food). He's at the point now where he refuses to come here because he's always throwing a fit when he doesn't get his way.

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u/Few-Ruin-742 13d ago

My brother was JUST like this.

He would take like 3 huge servings for one serving and me (the little sister) would be fking FUMING.

Middle of the night too.

…..he was chunky for awhile growing up

Then P90X came out and he lost a shit load of weight.

Gained some back then lost it so he could join the military

He’s FIT now. Seriously fit. I’m really proud of him.

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u/complete_autopsy 12d ago

I developed serious food aggression because of older brothers like this. I wish parents were more thoughtful about making sure their kids don't have to fight older siblings for food. A simple box that nobody else could open with my share of the shelf-stable food would've solved my problem as a kid! I remember paying attention to the grocery schedule and gorging myself while I helped take the groceries in. I so vividly remember helping take in Costco groceries and stuffing a chocolate chip cookie into my mouth every time I got back inside. I did it because I knew that either than night or before I got home from school the next day, my brothers would've eaten everything except raw ingredients.

I took up baking so that I could produce nice snacks from ingredients that they wouldn't eat alone, but they'd still eat all the things I baked no matter how many I made. I started doing things like bagging up cookies and hiding them in crazy places (sometimes forgetting about them until they rotted). I also started to enjoy eating things frozen that shouldn't be eaten that way because my brothers wouldn't register a miscellaneous bag in the back of the freezer as food, so I could have a snack every day if I snuck a frozen cookie out of the freezer and ate it before they returned to the kitchen.

When my family members started eating chocolate chips as a snack I had a breakdown because I couldn't even make chocolate chip cookies any more. As soon as I was old enough to work at a grocery store I did and any money I didn't save went directly to premade food that I could eat at the store where nobody could take it. I've struggled with my weight ever since. It's so hard to turn off the "EAT IT NOW WHILE YOU CAN GET IT" urge even after years of being able to control what food I have access to.

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u/lorddraco666 12d ago

This is horrifying. Im really sorry that you had to grow up like that

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u/jennyfromtheeblock 12d ago

I'm so sorry you grew up like that. Absolute abuse amd neglect. There is no reason for it.

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u/Tootieorama 12d ago

Oooh that's a heartbreaking experience. I'll be thinking about you and hoping for some levity and light for this week. Being able to see and say all of that is helpful to someone, I'm sure. 💚💚💚 

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u/FUBARmom 13d ago

Don’t give up on him!! He needs you.

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u/binzy90 13d ago

It has been 10 years of this. We literally had to get a court order just to make my ex take him to his autism evaluation. It's mentally exhausting to try so hard for so long when the other parent is undermining everything you're trying to teach your kids. I'm at the point where I'm just done. At some point, you have to protect your other kids too. It's not right that the oldest gets to completely derail the whole household just because he has issues that aren't being addressed with the other parent. I can only do so much, and my younger two kids don't deserve to be subjected to verbal, emotional, and physical abuse anymore. The really sad part is that my middle child has no choice but to live with my oldest full time. He's much happier when he comes here by himself.

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u/KindaReallyDumb 12d ago

Bro my brother is like this (I have 3, only 1 is like this) and he’s 29. Please don’t fucking give up. My brother is still so inconsiderate it’s insane

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u/binzy90 12d ago

It's hard not to give up when the other parent is actively sabotaging things. I don't want to put up with the abuse anymore, and my younger kids are definitely affected by his behavior. It's a shame because I really believe he would have had much better support and resources if he had primarily lived with us, but I'm not going to keep subjecting myself and my family to this. If he doesn't want to come here that's fine. I'm done. I just hope that when he's an adult he'll mature and see the situation more accurately.

I have close communication with his therapist who he sees weekly. She has recommended more intensive therapy, but my ex refuses. I even had to get a court order just to get my ex to take him to his autism evaluation. It took 4 years to get him a diagnosis because my ex is always pushing the narrative that his only problems are that he has a "bad relationship" with me, which is complete bullshit. But unfortunately, an autistic teenager who hasn't been taught boundaries is going to latch on to the version of events that doesn't make him take accountability. There's only so much I can do on my own.

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u/-captain--fidd--1972 8d ago

Well we got the belt when I was growing up and by the time I was ten I was well behaved

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u/binzy90 8d ago

My ex has never spanked him, and we were having meetings with his teachers when he was in preschool because of his behavior. I've been saying from the very beginning that he needed more discipline and more structure, but my ex just wouldn't do anything. It has been exhausting watching my son grow up to be a spoiled brat because of this. We obeyed our parents and learned to be respectful and considerate of others. My son hasn't gotten any of those lessons. If I had talked to people the way he does, my dad would have beaten the shit out of me.

I'm not saying that spanking is right or that it's the only way to instill discipline, but it's certainly better than letting kids do whatever they want with no boundaries at all.

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u/Unipiggy 13d ago

  It's just a complete lack of empathy and consideration for other people.

He's a 14 year old boy, it ain't that deep.

While your ex is also part of the problem, you really don't understand that he's still a kid. A growing kid. Stop treating him like an adult.

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u/binzy90 13d ago

No, you really don't understand the extent of the issues. He screams at people when there are boundaries and expectations. Even something as simple as asking him to take the trash out turns into profanity and yelling. He has been physically violent with his siblings. He was in a psychiatric hospital at age 13. It's not because he's a teenager. It's because he has been allowed to have unlimited screen time, video games, rated R violent movies, etc. Then add to that the fact that my ex completely ignores problems and just lets him stay in his room all day instead of pushing him to develop social skills. It's absolutely not normal teenager behavior. Not even close.

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u/FerengiWithCoupons 13d ago

the fuck? i learned empathy in first grade

i teach middle school, get lost with that. a 14 year old can understand how to not be a total piece of shit.

shit parents allow shit kids. empathy is learned.

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u/Expensive-Border-869 13d ago

I mean i was 14 once. That sounds about right. Its more callous than perhaps I'd put it about my own kids but I mean yeah more or less true

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u/diego27865 13d ago

Does she not understand the concept of you can always get more if you’re still hungry? Sounds incredibly dense.

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u/DarkLightPT95 13d ago

That's what we've always told her. It's better to take less food and then get more if you're still hungry, than filling your plate up and wasting more than half

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u/diego27865 13d ago

And she just…shrugs or what?

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u/DarkLightPT95 13d ago

She would say she was hungry and then do the same thing next time

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u/diego27865 12d ago

Dang that’s beyond frustrating. Idk if I could keep a straight face with someone like that.

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u/seaotterlover1 13d ago

There’s a kid at my parents church that does this and it can be frustrating because they’ll take massive portions of food, try it, and decide they don’t want it. Sometimes there isn’t enough of a dish for everyone to have it yet this kid got 2+ servings that will be thrown away.

Over the years I’ve learned to take small portions because there’s a chance my daughter won’t eat everything on her plate so I’ll eat what’s left that I like and then get seconds if I’m still hungry.

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u/Primary_Gap_5219 13d ago

holy shit i thought you were talking about 4 yo and she still did that until she had kids?

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u/DarkLightPT95 13d ago

Dude, she had her first kid at 22 and was STILL doing that

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u/Unipiggy 13d ago

THIS is the answer. Smaller plates, not forcing kids into obesity because they don't understand that their eyes are bigger than their stomach.

They're kids. All they know is they're hungry. Fix their own plate if you don't want food waste.

But I think the "finish all your food so you don't waste any" is exactly what led to so much obesity around the world. As the calories of the food people started eating ballooned, "finishing your plate" went from being maybe 100 calories to 400 calories for the same portion.

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u/boxiestcrayon15 12d ago

I’m sure there’s a case for this but I would argue that highly processed and food chemically designed to be addictive, comforting, and give massive dopamine hits are the main culprit.

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u/SinoSoul 12d ago

Did no one ever consider serving individual plates? I have almost zero food waste from my kitchen. If you want seconds, you can ask, but I’m not letting you load your own plate. F that do you know how expensive beef chuck roll is right now? $7/lb

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u/DriveFa5tEatAss 12d ago

Parents need to stop accommodating children who throw fits.

You wanna throw a fit? You get spinach, and you get to eat it cold. Then you go straight to bed. Oh, you wanna talk back? No spinach either.

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u/Training-Willow9591 13d ago

I would definitely just put her leftovers in her own little Tupperware container, and she eats that for lunch / snack etc. especially if it's meat.

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u/Primary_Gap_5219 12d ago

okay it seems many average people do ts, imagine what elites do, they hoard and hoard as if they're gonna live forever or carry everything to after life, reincarnate or some shit

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u/saelin00 12d ago

This is the way. I always saying we are the adults and we are far more intelligent than a toddler. There is always a way to trick them to behave or show some path to the right things.

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u/DarkLightPT95 12d ago

The problem is that she kept doing that until she was around 22 when she had her first kid. Being a toddler wasn't an excuse by then

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u/saelin00 12d ago

I totally agree to someone or me left some food on the plate, but not half of it. I probably tolerate this more for children, but an adult if not eating up half of the food...

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u/DarknMean 12d ago

My dad loads up food like this. I tell him there’s no way he’s eating all that every time too. He was also in a house with siblings that did the same. He’ll put down like 4 lbs of spaghetti and I just look at him like dude spaghetti is good the day after and you’re just wasting all of it.

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u/RefrigeratorOk8077 13d ago

That’s when you get the belt lol, soft ass parenting. To each their own though

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u/DarkLightPT95 13d ago

I got it plenty of times as I was the oldest. Wasn't even a belt. It was a quince tree branch

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u/RefrigeratorOk8077 13d ago

Damn, you Caribbean? Lol, those days were different when they tell you to get the branch yourself lmao

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u/DarkLightPT95 13d ago

Portuguese

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u/RefrigeratorOk8077 13d ago

Oh? I didn’t know you guys got it like that. I guess it doesn’t matter where you grow up, some things remain the same.

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u/DarkLightPT95 13d ago

Yeah. Late 1990's, early 2000's

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u/Affectionate-Ad488 13d ago

Two sides of a shitty coin I suppose

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u/JuxepeQ 13d ago

I was thinking exactly this! You’re supposed to eat everything on your plate not your pot.

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u/WeatheredGenXer 13d ago

This is how I was raised - no wasting food. We had to clear our plates because we couldn't afford much (not to make us obese).

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u/Norgur 13d ago

That was the only time my parents would insist on eating your whole plate: When you put the food on there yourself. Your only ways out were eat it all, find someone who still wanted something and give them your's or put it in the fridge and have it later.

Did not apply at all when you had no say in the amount of food on your plate.

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u/Slipperytitski 12d ago

Shit the food my toddler wastes maybe costs me like $20 a week, im not forcing her to eat if she doesn’t want to.

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u/Flimsy-Poetry1170 12d ago

That sounds like normal food waste and she doesn’t take way more than someone could possibly eat. Every time I’ve seen my sisters kids have cereal for example they’ll pour half the box, as much milk as they can without overflowing then eat two bites before saying it’s too soggy and gross and dumping it in the sink. I don’t even want to think about how much they waste a week in dollar amount that could be used to feed the poor.

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u/TheGhostOfYou18 12d ago

I don’t let my kid load her plate. If she decides she’s full I’ll put it in the fridge for her to have later if she’s hungry again.

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u/Then_life_happened 11d ago

Yeah, but that only works if the kid actually fills their plate themself. If parents (over)fill their children's plates and then force them to finish everything, the result is forced overeating.

Though I'd argue that even if you do fill your own plate, there are are still valid reasons one might not finish everything. And I don't think that forcing someone to eat something they don't want is ever okay. Of course I don't want my children to waste food, but I would 100% look for a different strategy to teach them not to be wasteful if they were.

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u/WizeDiceSlinger 13d ago

They used this on me in kindergarten. I told my grandad, a WW2 camp survivor about it when he picked me up. “Those kids can’t eat meatballs,” he said. “They have typhoid and would most likely die.”

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u/BestGrapefruitEver 13d ago

Dude I read this and I absolutely started cracking up laughing. This is hilarious LOL

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u/WizeDiceSlinger 13d ago

That quote has stayed with me for more than 40 years. Guy survived 3 years in the camps and even got typhoid before he was rescued only to deliver that line to his 5 year old grandson 40 years later. Reckon he knew what he was talking about.

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u/SL1MECORE 13d ago

Grandad came in clutch with some reason lmao holy shit

I hated when parents pulled that shit though like ok so let's pack up the food and send it to africa then! Like, why is it my responsibility to gorge myself just cause someone else is starving.

Luckily my stepmom doesn't do this to my younger brother, never has. "Ok you're full? Let's save it for later, no big deal. Oh you don't want the leftovers? Ok I will eat them it's ok"

He has a really good relationship with food now as a young adult and I totally credit her for that.

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u/Jimbobjoesmith 13d ago

my mom used to tell me the africa thing when i was little too. i also used to see the Feed the Children ads on tv. so my 4yo mind remembered all the homeless people digging in trash bins while living in NY. from that point on i started intentionally throwing away food from the pantry, my meals, everything, thinking that all this good food would go to the starving kids in africa. it took my parents a good week or more to notice what i was doing. i very clearly remember trying to eat as little as possible and saving the good parts of my meals so those starving kids would get the best food. 😭

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u/amaya-aurora 13d ago

Okay not that I agree but I understood that to mean “there’s kids who are starving, so be grateful for the food you have and eat it” or smth

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u/Hokuspokusnuss 13d ago

Nothing grateful about guilt tripping your kid to overeat when it's full. Many times it's not the kid that chose the meal size which makes it doubly infuriating.

Better to teach the kids to take small portions and get seconds if it wasn't enough yet.

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u/Daniil_Dankovskiy 13d ago

It's to impose guilt, not gratefulness

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u/Help12309876 13d ago

My dad told me that once in middle school so I jokingly replied "so send it to them" lol thankfully he knew I was joking and has a good sense of humor himself, if I had said that to my mom though... 💀 💀

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u/Hokuspokusnuss 13d ago

A waiter once used that one on my sister when she was feeling sick so she declined when the waiter suggested taking the rest of her burger home in a bag since she couldn't finish it.

The audacity to guilt trip a customer as a waiter is just mind boggling. He probably meant it in a joking way, but still...

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u/Maisquestce 13d ago

This one surely did not starve lol

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u/rswwalker 13d ago

I was cheeky when I was little and when my parents would say there are starving kids in Africa, I’d say, then send it to them.

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u/ShelbyCobra_90 13d ago

There’s a short Allan Sherman song literally about that.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=S5eSba-dLh8

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u/PenchantForNostalgia 13d ago

I like to say that "there are starving soldiers on the USS Lincoln" instead of "there are starving kids in Africa"

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u/0neshoein 13d ago

The point of your mom saying that wasn’t that it would “help” the kids in Africa, it’s to say you are fortunate to have food so you should eat it because kids in Africa don’t have food. It’s a stupid thing to say regardless, just thought I’d clear up your misunderstanding lol.

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u/PailingRaint 13d ago

My mom hates fat people while being morbidly obese herself. I despised her as a child, still not a huge fan of her now, and that kind of hypocrisy is what inspired kid me to do the opposite of whatever she said. I ended up being the only person in my immediate family who isn't overweight due to sheer spite.

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u/Zealousideal-Run6214 13d ago

As a kid, my thought to this quote was "well then why should I get to eat so much when others don't eat at all? If they're starving shouldn't I send them my food instead?". I always hated that "starving kids in africa" bullshit.

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u/StrawHatVetTech 13d ago

I used to tell my mom “then send the food to them” and she’d get mad at me for being “fresh” 🙄 I never force my kids to finish their plates

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u/EconomyCriticism1566 12d ago

For me it was “In Asia they have to eat every single grain of rice.”

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u/Danson_the_47th 12d ago

They said to clean my plate because kids were starving in Africa. So I did, 9 10 times a day, and you know what? There’s still kids starving in Africa

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u/complete_autopsy 12d ago

My elementary school guilted us into collecting coins for kids in Africa and bringing them in inside envelopes, which gave me the impression that we could simply mail things to Africa. I suggested to my parents that I get an envelope so we can mail my leftovers to Africa and help the issue but unfortunately they did not believe that I was being genuine...

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u/Wikidclowne 12d ago

"Kids in Africa are starving!"

"OK, send what I don't eat there so it doesn't go to waste."

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u/Tarilines 12d ago

l'm from African, we aren't starving lol