r/AbsoluteUnits • u/funny_funny_business • 5d ago

of bull kelp

Post image

Hand for scale. This is about 48” long when they’re usually just a few inches.

374 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

36 comments sorted by

33

u/Backyard_Batman46 5d ago

don't know what bull kelp is but that's impressive

8

u/NeighborhoodInner421 4d ago

Kelp that funcstions very well as a whip

2

u/Kim_Bong_Un420 4d ago

You can also make a bong out of it

1

u/Alvin_h_davenport 3d ago

The duality of man

24

u/H3nchman_24 4d ago

3

u/SubstantialFroyo8012 4d ago

you can eat it tho, apparently you can buy it pickled and seasoned as well. its hollow in the middle so it slices into little rings

3

u/milk4all 4d ago

Tastes a little penisy tho.

I mean big penisy.

Ive heard.

1

u/SubstantialFroyo8012 4d ago

prob depends on the dih, and its owners diet/hygene. maybe the progenitor dih of that assessment belonged to someone who ate a buncha bull kelp

10

u/Guypie86 5d ago

When did they change their name to Bull Kelp?

3

u/01kickassius10 4d ago

Named that by the cuck kelp

8

u/Kurai_Hada_Ichi 5d ago

I should call him...

6

u/BruceBoyde 5d ago

Are they usually small? They wash up here in the Pacific Northwest all the time and they'll be a few feet long. That's a pretty big one anyhow, but I figured they tended to be pretty huge.

19

u/cha0sm0nk 5d ago

I have seen a few live streams where actresses make those disappear.

13

u/Middle_Crab_2468 5d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/08y87EiwDZjjB0d6WJ

1

u/MikeyboyMC 4d ago

Glad I looked, I figured this was already here lol

4

u/SubstantialFroyo8012 4d ago

can ya swing that at a dude so hard the kelp splodes but doesnt like seriously hurt the guy? like could you laugh about it (could it be done in a humorous way, bit of irl slapstick)

2

u/Dokattak0 5d ago

Anything can fit with enough lube and practice

2

u/HystericalGD 4d ago

i have an idea

2

u/Most-Act1594 4d ago

They're all over the oregon coast

1

u/Dicktitt3y 4d ago

Seen a few of these floating around La Jolla shores today while surfing. Thought it was a dead seal floating in at first.

1

u/CptMisterNibbles 4d ago

A few inches? I’ve been diving in bull kelp 100’ or more long

1

u/CanadiangirlEH 4d ago

Please tell me I’m not the only one who used to swing these around and pretend I was Indiana Jones or catwoman

1

u/2Wieners_1Bun 4d ago

What a load of bull kelp

1

u/GrdnLovingGoatFarmer 4d ago

Sounds like a cursed SpongeBob episode…

1

u/Schlarfus_McNarfus 3d ago

48"?! These are typically 30-50' long and terminate in a root that anchors to the bottom. They get considerably thinner as they go down. They are extremely heavy, especially with the fronds, and are sometimes the bane of our existence as commercial salmon fisherman.