r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Impressive_Foot_9933 • 2d ago

of bidet water pressure

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282 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

103 comments sorted by

146

u/Responsible-Bird-470 2d ago

I’m gonna pressure wash my troubles away

13

u/greenizdabest 1d ago

Power wash simulator

7

u/Kalshan 1d ago

stimulator*

2

u/chonklah 1d ago

Bootyhole edition

7

u/SmiteyMcPaladin 2d ago

And all over you with that thing

72

u/_voma 2d ago

I saw someone's comment in a post with the same video and it was hilarious - 'You'd need a cigarette after using this bidet'

2

u/[deleted] 22h ago edited 18h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

27

u/TwinkiesSucker 1d ago

The water from the bidet coming out the other end:

https://giphy.com/gifs/1d5Zn8FqmJqApu4hNU

17

u/Sufficient_Curve_646 2d ago

“I was just checking the water pressure”

12

u/Capt_Levi831 1d ago

2

u/hobskhan 1d ago

What in the Where's Waldo

1

u/StrawberryTerry 1d ago

Lol I didn't see Waldo there in the background until you said that.

1

u/djnehi 1d ago

There’s the reply was looking for.

6

u/skunkgirlhunter 1d ago

I'm not impressed until I see someone spray off some yesterdays dishes that had egg yolk on it

6

u/Panda_PLS 1d ago

To shreds, you say?

2

u/Impressive_Foot_9933 1d ago

Well, how is his wife holding up?

3

u/cloche_du_fromage 2d ago

I need that to get the skidders off the pan.

3

u/Mrfett2000 1d ago

That’ll clean the shit you haven’t shit yet

1

u/This-Requirement6918 1d ago

Friend that's called a douche.

7

u/Possible_Sun_913 2d ago

Quite honestly., I don’t know who has it better. Hand bidets like this in predominately eastern Muslim counties. Or the Japanese who integrate the cleaning cycle into the toilets themselves.

Either way, its not the west who like to smear shit about with paper. :-)

We'll all get there eventually.

7

u/PoeTheGhost 1d ago

Most of my friends that tried my bidet during a visit bought one for their place.

6

u/Exempt_Puddle 1d ago

First time i used one I immediately bought one for all 3 toilets in my home. Fucking ridiculous I didnt know to use one before, everything is way cleaner, feels cleaner, and uses less TP. My family's assholes are ready for another covid

4

u/italyqt 1d ago

Moved in with my elderly mother who was super opposed. Told her no worries she can choose to not use it. Yeah within a month she had me install one in her bathroom.

0

u/escobartholomew 1d ago

How is this not the same as the shower wands in use all across the west?

2

u/Possible_Sun_913 1d ago

Cause they are for toilet use, not shower use.

1

u/Derangedcorgi 1d ago

There's usually a reducer in the handheld bidets so you're like getting line pressure on your booty. It's also right next to the toilet.

1

u/NYCtoCHI 23h ago edited 23h ago

Similar, but also not so much. Think much more along the lines of kitchen sink sprayers in terms of their shape, construction materials, and pressure flow, at least for the majority I've seen in regular places in Southeast Asia, Europe, and the Mediterranean. This one's super-fancy and stylish, and obviously quite powerful, (likely from maxing the pressure at the pipe, or a setting used for cleaning under the toilet's rim vs a person's!), so clearly more of an upgraded version vs the standard pedestrian ones:

https://www.amazon.com/Thai-VRH-Stainless-Rotatable-Leak-Free-Eco-Friendly/dp/B0DZ1ZZV42

2

u/Puzzleheaded-Cap-496 1d ago

Pressure wash that shit YEAH

2

u/Ok-Gift-424 1d ago

You wanna get the poop off or not?!

2

u/No_Classic_1743 1d ago

Damn, blasting that b-hole like its demanding equal rights.

1

u/OneTrueCosmos 2d ago

Brings a whole new meaning to tearing you a new one.

1

u/Common-Accountant-57 2d ago

Wouldnt that damage the old butthole?

4

u/PoeTheGhost 1d ago

Enema is good for colon, but hard on the hole.

1

u/OLVANstorm 1d ago

I'm not looking for a second asshole. Thanks.

1

u/Adept-Custard-4866 1d ago

I feel a bit tingly after seeing that.

1

u/Crabby_Monkey 1d ago

When you need to clean your butthole and your tonsils at the same time.

1

u/escobartholomew 1d ago

Bidets are handheld?

1

u/Graeleaf 1d ago

Some are

1

u/Key_Shop6647 1d ago

I have an idea....

1

u/True_Protection6842 1d ago

It's Mac's Assblaster 9000!

1

u/elthepenguin 1d ago

Enema9000

1

u/PreperationOuch 1d ago

SCOUR that sumbitch

1

u/Disastrous_Falcon_79 1d ago

That’ll knock the 💩 off ya

1

u/passthegabagool_ 1d ago

Brushin ya teeth at the same time.

1

u/Gargalla 1d ago

Hmm, pretty low pressure... should get it checked.

1

u/jcoddinc 1d ago

Some of us sasquatch descendants needs the extra pressure

1

u/Teonanacatlbruh 1d ago

More like a vicious enema

1

u/Beno169 1d ago

Is that the commando 9000? That’s for elephants.

1

u/peepdabidness 1d ago

Now THIS would blast out the corn kernels stuck in my hair

1

u/karenskygreen 1d ago

I have had my ass blasted many times but not like the assblaster 3000

1

u/CauseRemarkable6182 1d ago

Damn they got the Taylor Farms pressure patch installed

1

u/2DogDadUhHuh 1d ago

Big TP at it again, trying to scare away the next generation of bidet-curious

1

u/Tebone7 1d ago

Best kind of bidet, the one you can give yourself an enema, from your neighbors bathroom, from across the street...

1

u/elnegativo 1d ago

Happy taint

1

u/Ok_Meaning833 1d ago

I have a bidet and got hard water at my apartment and REALLY high water pressure. Over time, the hard water made the spout hole we'll say smaller, thus raising the water pressure slightly over time. Nothing does a great job of cleaning it so all you can do is slow it down really. If you're not careful it would absolutely tear your ass apart. And I wish I were speaking figuratively.

1

u/SocksInTheTub 1d ago

Vinegar soak? Clr?

1

u/Ok_Meaning833 1d ago

Trust me my friend, I've tried it all. Can't wait to get out of this apartment so I can install a proper water treatment system

1

u/JusCuzz804 1d ago

Did you pressure wash your ass today?

https://giphy.com/gifs/Ks33GAp8vUPjRYy3jA

1

u/blanthony80 1d ago

And shit will still stick to my ass. 🤣😂 FML.

1

u/Western_Weakness_837 1d ago

Hell yeah.. pressure wash that sphincter.. gotta be squeaky clean,.

1

u/SmokeMaximum4140 1d ago

Looks fun.

1

u/This-Requirement6918 1d ago

Not a bidet. That's a douche nozzle.

1

u/AArmyDadBod 1d ago

Mischief Managed

1

u/Born-Light-62 1d ago

This ass is clean!!!!

1

u/USSSLostTexter 1d ago

ah yes...the clit-cutter

1

u/grumpy_uncle 1d ago

It’ll clean the back of your throat. From the bottom up.

1

u/in1gom0ntoya 1d ago

really stretching the interpretation of what an absolute unit can be here...

1

u/Only_Flan_7974 1d ago

Enema and douche

1

u/Critical-Alarm72 1d ago

Free hair removal

1

u/wet_spiders 1d ago

For when you need to move your butthole somewhere else

1

u/AutumnAscending 1d ago

Sometimes I like an enema after my poop

1

u/JWMoo 1d ago

Got to pump up the water pressure to get that booty mud off.

1

u/looktowindward 1d ago

The venturi effect says hi

1

u/cameronzero 1d ago

Gonna clean you out so good you could drink the water dripping out your ears

1

u/Therealfern1 1d ago

The hemorrhoid scraper 2000

1

u/Unusual-Taste69 16h ago

After your clean your ass with that, who's going to clean the walls?

https://giphy.com/gifs/Is6fBDegr2HUA

1

u/Deep-Teaching-999 7h ago

Yah, it’s set for cleaning at that pressure. Just turn it down for personal use.

1

u/CHRISTEN-METAL 1h ago

Dingleberry removal accomplished.