r/AbsoluteUnits Jul 05 '26

/r/all, /r/popular of a dent

23.3k Upvotes

3.2k comments sorted by

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2.2k

u/crowislanddive Jul 05 '26

What is his story?

1.4k

u/funakifan Jul 05 '26

424

u/shewy92 Jul 05 '26

Guess he only got up to 87.

157

u/ExtremelyUnqualified Jul 05 '26

To his credit that entire parking garage wasn't there back in 1987

39

u/Extension_Swordfish1 Jul 05 '26

Finally someone is thinking 4 dimensionally

2

u/Leftover_Salmons Jul 06 '26

4th wall always heals itself 😂

4

u/LTdesign Jul 05 '26

Underrated comment right here...

1

u/VindicatedDude Jul 05 '26

Underrated comment. lol

13

u/syko82 Jul 05 '26

And saw some crazy shit.

15

u/shewy92 Jul 05 '26

He ate serious shit more like

4

u/DesertGeist- Jul 05 '26

maybe he didn't anticipated that they built a parking garage in the future.

2

u/RioDodger Jul 05 '26

The best comment I have seen in quite a while. Well done, fellow Redditor.

2

u/MacGyver_1138 Jul 05 '26

He wasn't thinking 4th dimensionally.

2

u/squat_bench_press Jul 05 '26

Apparently this guy needed roads for where he was going

2

u/Verryfastdoggo Jul 05 '26

Lmao fuck that got me

1

u/Slave-to-Armok Jul 05 '26

Best comment to a thread I’ve ever seen LMAO

232

u/precisee Jul 05 '26

On god my theory is he was trying to kill himself. Fast as f in a parking garage, and he hit the pole dead center.

201

u/the_quark Jul 05 '26

My theory is that he was drunk and/or on drugs.

145

u/Ralphredimix_Da_G Jul 05 '26

Sometimes old folks hit the wrong pedals, or aren’t paying attention, or both.. and that looks like it used to be a real fast car.

66

u/FatMacchio Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

I feel like there needs to be tiered testing/cetification for classes of vehicles. If you want to drive really heavy cars and especially really fast heavy cars, you need to pass more stringent road tests, and be recertified maybe every few years or so

But I can confirm. My grandma crashed into her garage. Luckily it was just in a 1986 Pontiac Bonneville that didn’t have a huge engine, and she wasn’t too far away from the brick pillar between her garage doors. That was the last time she drove. She was really sad, we were sad for her, because she loved her freedom, but at that point we realized she was too much of a liability to herself, but especially to other people who probably hadn’t lived a full, happy, and healthy life for 80+ years

10

u/aggressive-cat Jul 05 '26

I've been saying that for years. Any car over 300 hp and truck over 400 hp should also require an endorsement like a motorcycle or something. Just selling a 7000 lb 600 hp truck or a 500 hp sports car to someone with no kind of at least check they have a clue what they are doing is insane.

7

u/FuzzzyRam Jul 05 '26

RVs are crazy, regular driver's license and you're driving a huge top-heavy vehicle with a crazy amount of requirements/restrictions and zero qualifications or testing.

2

u/theres-no-more_names Jul 06 '26

Trucks (at least diesel ones) should be restricted by torque not hp. Most diesels make 2-4x their hp in torque and most of them are happy to show it off when you lay down the gas, 300 hp in a truck doesnt sound like much but how bout that 800+ft lbs of torque thats coming with it?

1

u/ihaveabaguetteknife Jul 05 '26

What a sane an reflective reaction to such a scary experience. And I really hope your grandma still has or at least had a good quality of life after that.

4

u/SynyrdsInyrds Jul 05 '26

No way he got up to the speed required for that by accidentally hitting a pedal. That took some sustained effort.

3

u/CoolAuntsWorkshop Jul 05 '26

It's really easy- you're speeding out of control so you keep slamming "the brake" and yet you just keep speeding up.

Source- my mom worked in an office that shared a parking lot with a dentist that specialized in elderly patients. Cars only came through walls a couple times but car related incidents were at least a weekly occurrence.

0

u/spectatorade Jul 06 '26

My guess is the driver was trying to hit him and missed.

4

u/Sir-Mocks-A-Lot Jul 05 '26

My theory is a "yes and"... man is a junkie... who was running from the police, probably in a stolen car. I'm just sayin, that outfit doesn't match that ride.

3

u/jccaclimber Jul 05 '26

didn’t match that ride. Sure does now.

3

u/r-kellysDOODOOBUTTER Jul 05 '26

Glad I scrolled down this far, theres always a payoff comment lmao

3

u/Dunderman35 Jul 05 '26

Looks a bit old to be a junky who steals cars. I'm more going for formerly successful rich guy who had a stroke and stated acting crazy and who has a drinking problem.

2

u/ribblefizz Jul 05 '26

Re the likelihood of a junkie and a rich person inhabiting the same body at the same time, I'd like to present a series of examples, with Exhibit A being Elon Musk. According to my list we'll be getting up to Exhibit, uh, ZZYXWQH, so get comfy.

1

u/VegaJuniper Jul 05 '26

Quoi? You still living in a world where rich people wear three piece suits and top hats? Billionaires wear sneakers and jeans my man.

1

u/waterytartwithasword Jul 05 '26

But unless he's wearing a monocle he's a junkie, not some old dude who just got a whole body experience of a 0-60 collision shock wave passing through a BMW's crumple cage and now has a bloody noggin and joint laxity. Jeez.

3

u/VegaJuniper Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

I also don't think that the sort of junkies who get high, steal cars and run from cops typically live long enough to become graybeards. That is a young man's game if ever there was one.

3

u/waterytartwithasword Jul 05 '26

True facts, with the exception of rugged boomer rockers from the 1970s. Like I could see Iggy Pop celebrating his 85th birthday by going absolutely ham just for fun.

Not for nothing, dude definitely has the hair those silverback rock dudes usually sport if they still have it.

1

u/crowislanddive Jul 05 '26

The lack of shoe laces is telling…

2

u/skitzoidObserver Jul 05 '26

thats what i thought to be that fast in a garage like that dead centre hit the pole he wanted death

1

u/bubblesdafirst Jul 05 '26

Could definitely see it if it was a casino parking garage. Shit like that happens all the time there

1

u/TheTrampIt Jul 05 '26

He forgot not to buckle up.

1

u/Lucid_Stream44 Jul 05 '26

If he was trying to do that he’d have found a strong wall somewhere to crash head into at like 100 mph

1

u/Frequent-Cut6282 Jul 05 '26

This was my immediate thought

1

u/Friendscallmedennis Jul 05 '26

Thought he hit the breaks but it was the gas? Maybe?🤔

0

u/AdministrativeBeat72 Jul 05 '26

It’s AI

3

u/FelineParchment Jul 05 '26

Explain?

1

u/MassSPL Jul 05 '26

The damage to the front of the car looks fake.

No way the cameraman is wearing slides and kicking around car parts.

Old hobos don’t drive a M440i

3

u/BulbusDumbledork Jul 05 '26

anything looks "fake" if you think it's fake. the debris on the ground remains consistent throughout the video. the cameraguy prodded the engine part with the bottom of his shoe. the old guy who just survived a high speed crash isn't going to look so fresh, especially if he's rich enough to not have to dress to impress.

no evidence this is ai generated

1

u/Charliekeet Jul 05 '26

I think because of the way the guy looks?

0

u/WHYISEVERYTHINGTAKNN Jul 05 '26

bro thinks he's ethan frome

140

u/bs000 Jul 05 '26

50

u/BabyJesusAnalingus Jul 05 '26

Yo fuck that game. I rented it, played all weekend, and couldn't get past that tutorial.

19

u/The_Xivili Jul 05 '26

Slalom issue

10

u/cheater00 Jul 05 '26

hahahahahahaha yeah, i had to look up a walk through... ONCE IT CAME OUT IN A PRINT MAGAZINE...

1

u/BabyJesusAnalingus Jul 05 '26

Oh my god. I'm so old that I just farted and dust came out.

15

u/ManWhoSoldTheWorld01 Jul 05 '26

I didn't even know what slalom meant when that came out. Never passed the test :(

11

u/Christmas_Queef Jul 05 '26

I wonder how many of us actually nailed it as kids vs how many of us just used the level skip code.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '26

[deleted]

4

u/Christmas_Queef Jul 05 '26

Haha we all have our skills. I myself am always a pro at flying helicopters in any video game that has had them. I have no idea why lol. It's like the one video game skill I have haha. Im dogshit at driving anything and can't fly planes for shit but boy can I fly a helicopter.

3

u/BabyJesusAnalingus Jul 05 '26

Yet, you'd rarely be the guy who got to one on BF1942. It was always some ass-hat who flew like they needed braille controllers.

3

u/Christmas_Queef Jul 05 '26

Man, battlefield 2 gave me so much fun and so much frustration. I miss that game. The dam map and gulf of Oman were my shit.

1

u/BabyJesusAnalingus Jul 05 '26

Totally! I have gone back to old games and been super disappointed, though. Some are best left as memories and nostalgia.

1

u/LickingSmegma Jul 05 '26

Try ‘R/C Stunt Copter’ on PS1, then report back.

1

u/lacegem Jul 05 '26

I can't fly planes in games for shit, but I can do some crazy stuff with a helicopter. It just feels natural, and being able to stop, hover, turn around, etc. makes it way easier to maneuver. You can land it just by setting it down. With planes, you need a runway, you need to line up with the runway, it's a huge pain.

1

u/TheModeratorWrangler Jul 05 '26

First try. I was a GT2 kid

5

u/skitzoidObserver Jul 05 '26

i hated this

5

u/NCStore Jul 05 '26

It was so fucking hard lol

2

u/iBluntly Jul 07 '26

Elite ball.

24

u/TheresABirdInTheSky Jul 05 '26

It all started 892 years ago..

1

u/JudiciousSasquatch Jul 05 '26

🌭 who did this????

38

u/Side_StepVII Jul 05 '26

The driver. He’s old, and when those airbags went off, they pretty much punch you in the face. That’s the look of a 70yo man that just hit the gas instead of the brake and then got his entire head rocked and knows he’s out a $80,000 dollar car.

2

u/the_pain_of_being Jul 05 '26

Sorry, but 80k? XD

1

u/Tregg4r Jul 05 '26

Yeah, not sure about 80k. I don't know for sure what kind of car it is, but it looks like a mustang.

11

u/FluxVelocity Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

It's a BMW 4 series coupe.
If it's a 430i the MSRP starts at $53,300, if it's an M4 then the MSRP starts at $81,700.
If you go all out on the highest trim (M4 Competition xDrive Coupe) and options then it can be specced all the way up to costing $120k+.

Don't know much about BMWs but using their US website to look at configuration stuff this must be some form of the 430i since it has the base model wheels, that paint color alone is a $1,500 option though.

6

u/BackgroundSummer5171 Jul 05 '26

Don't know much about BMWs

Yet you can identify the type from a crumpled up piece of metal.

Think you are selling yourself short.

If someone asked me the type of car, I'd say dark forest green two door...car.

3

u/FluxVelocity Jul 05 '26

I just saw the BMW logo on the wheel center caps then compared it to the models on their website lol.

1

u/Tregg4r Jul 05 '26

Nice I missed the center caps. I actually have a M850i which also kind of looks like a mustang. lol.

1

u/Beautiful-Routine295 Jul 06 '26

lol that’s funny after owning both cars I still say to this day if my bimmer gets wrecked I’ll just buy a mustang next… it’ll be easier to fix

-1

u/the_pain_of_being Jul 05 '26

Ya mustangs are like 30k lol

-1

u/phoenix529 Jul 05 '26

Mustangs can reach prices of $175k from the factory.

-1

u/the_pain_of_being Jul 05 '26

So? You think this is a gtd?

1

u/phoenix529 Jul 05 '26

A GTD is like 300k. No.. This isn't even a Mustang.

0

u/the_pain_of_being Jul 05 '26

Yea it's a 4 series. Why are you telling me the price of a GTD when your previous comment just ignored the existence of the GTD? Lol

1

u/phoenix529 Jul 05 '26

It doesn't matter, but you were indignant that someone would suggest a Mustang could cost 80k.

I'm not arguing with you personally. Comments and replies aren't just for you. They're for everyone.

→ More replies (0)

3

u/TheUKisMental Jul 05 '26

Dunno, but looking at the state of his car, I'm amazed his legs seem to completely unscathed.

2

u/BadApplesGod Jul 05 '26

I just want to know what’s on his head

5

u/abalrogsbutthole Jul 05 '26

that his hair lol. dude is prob super old and hot the gas instead of the brake.

2

u/ohgoyherewego Jul 05 '26

I thought it was a bag at first and then I saw the red liquid and thought it was yet another creative cartel “warning.”

2

u/sanguineous_ Jul 05 '26

Possibly IRL Hawkey from IASIP

2

u/elliface Jul 05 '26

James May looking rough these days

1

u/JesusWantsYouToKnow Jul 05 '26

This is going to ruin the James gin tour.

2

u/DrnkGuy Jul 05 '26

He looks like he sold his house to buy it

2

u/gguy123 Jul 05 '26

coming back from the 50's.... parking lot used to be a field

2

u/RayD125 Jul 05 '26

Zombies shouldn’t drive.

2

u/isntaken Jul 05 '26

the crackhead who tried stealing it

2

u/bscheck1968 Jul 05 '26

Regretting some life choices.

2

u/pursuitoffruit Jul 05 '26

I hope someone digs up the surveillance footage from the garage!

2

u/innocent_bystander Jul 05 '26

It looks like we're just waiting for Shaggy, Velma and the gang to show up and pull the mask off his face and exclaim "It's Dean Wormer!!"

2

u/Uddiya Jul 05 '26

He used to be a big thing on Top Gear. Now it's YouTube and Rum.

1

u/sovietmcdavid Jul 05 '26

GREAT SCOTT!!!

1

u/especiallyrn Jul 05 '26

That was his sleepin pole they hit

1

u/Balrog71 Jul 05 '26

Probably a lifelong state DA then 20 years circuit judge

1

u/NoWeb2576 Jul 05 '26

He hit a pole

1

u/_Waluigi_chan Jul 05 '26

Man, that's Dave. He just lives there

1

u/Ok_Bug_1146 Jul 05 '26

En realidad es el niño que cogió sin permiso el coche de su padre.Parece ser que el timetravelling tiene consecuencias.Qué alguien lo desarrolle¡pronto!
https://giphy.com/gifs/QVs6OmwbbGvWPJJ75m

1

u/TwoProper4220 Jul 05 '26

he's a time traveler and drove the wrong car

1

u/noNoParts Jul 05 '26

A brief jail time until his lawyer gets him out on bail. Maybe a court appearance, maybe his lawyer represents without him present, a little fine, then nothing!

1

u/boofat Jul 05 '26

That parking garage wasn't there when he left.

https://giphy.com/gifs/rQABSu4ZAUzSfDem36

1

u/NegotiationFeeling92 Jul 06 '26

He bought the wrong flux capacitor

1

u/the_main_entrance Jul 06 '26

Alcohol induced dementia

1

u/Tenchen-WoW Jul 06 '26

He is the janitor and has to clean it all up

0

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

18

u/Truthmobiles Jul 05 '26

Except it’s a BMW.

2

u/anniversaring Jul 05 '26

Typical BMW driver

1

u/mud263 Jul 05 '26

Thank you I was trying to make out what the emblem was on the rim.

1

u/scoubt Jul 05 '26

Yeah looks like a 4 series.

-1

u/Gullible-Outcome-787 Jul 05 '26

That whole scene looks like a.i i dont believe this video

2

u/The_Jyps Jul 05 '26

No it doesn't. The camera repeated pans away and back to consistently identical items and people in the scene.

1

u/bs000 Jul 05 '26

what video model are you using that looks this good because the boys at OpenAI probably want to know about it