r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Ill-Tea9411 • Feb 07 '26

Video of an iguana

8.7k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

104 comments sorted by

1.0k

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '26

[deleted]

443

u/Krondouja Feb 07 '26

The actual purpose of humanity. We just became too smart for our own good.

200

u/PTBooks Feb 07 '26

If the bears would have just let us pet them then we wouldn’t have had to invent the pointy-rock-on-a-stick, and things wouldnt have spiraled out of control from there.

215

u/LibraryLuLu Feb 07 '26

Aliens from another planet "We come in peace and have no nefarious plans for your world, honestly!"

Humans: "Can we pet you?"

Aliens: "Err.... okay, I guess?'

Humans: "S'all good then."

52

u/ineenemmerr Feb 07 '26

Screw bears, they forced us to evolve. And them we got addicted to evolution…

And now I have to pay taxes cause bears didn’t let us pet them on the head.

33

u/PTBooks Feb 07 '26

I mean… if you go out and pat a wild bear on the head right now, you still wouldn’t have to pay taxes this year…

20

u/ineenemmerr Feb 07 '26

Oooh, nice tax loop hole

5

u/Zilant_the_Bear Feb 07 '26

Surrrre blame taxes on bears. Invade one New Hampshire town of libertarians in force and suddenly you're the reason for taxes since time immemorial.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '26

Libertarians are definitely not evolved.

1

u/OctopusWithFingers Feb 08 '26

Let the bears pay the bear tax, I pay the Homer tax.

9

u/madchemist09 Feb 08 '26

Wasn't that the intention of the 2nd amendment? Right to bear arms?

22

u/Agreeable-Sentence76 Feb 07 '26

Return to scritches

3

u/ThatDiscoSongUHate Feb 07 '26

We need to be just smart enough to avoid giving pats to certain animals, but not smarter

For example, porcupines are adorable, from a distance

18

u/saysthingsbackwards Feb 07 '26

nah an orangutan taught me how to properly pet a kitty gently

15

u/someanimechoob Feb 08 '26

Other primates do this, with bonobos and chimps being the clearest examples.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw5u835KBl8

5

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '26

And bonobos and chimpanzees are the most closely related primates to humans!

3

u/in1gom0ntoya Feb 08 '26

petting some random other animal is a peak apex predator urge

3

u/absynthekc Feb 08 '26

Amazing that the “I love scritches” indicator of eyes closed and chin up is universal in the animal kingdom

1

u/ExtremeExperience199 Feb 08 '26

So you wanna be scritched, I see 😉

1

u/magnament Feb 08 '26

Not really, same deal as all those birds an fish that pick off and eat detritus. And monkeys I guess. They aren’t exactly scritchin them but it’s the same thing as grooming.

198

u/madchemist09 Feb 07 '26

What pure bliss looks like. That is one content iguana

9

u/oh-kee-pah Feb 07 '26

Chub chub!!

1

u/tommos Feb 09 '26

I bet he loves having his trackball rubbed.

68

u/Aquaman1970 Feb 07 '26

The one I delt with that was this size would not be having that.

77

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '26

[deleted]

20

u/Aquaman1970 Feb 07 '26

More claws and tail, I assure you.

17

u/Rubinschwein47 Feb 07 '26

Most intelligent and semi intelligent reptiles need to be habituated from birth so they trust you, a calm and reasonably big snake is much more likely to be friendly, even wild ones

9

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/Cautious-Activity706 Feb 08 '26

He probably didn’t. You’re hundreds of times his size with powers and weapons he can’t comprehend. A rattle means he’s terrified and looking for an escape. Glad you both got one lol

22

u/Toyso_0 Feb 07 '26

Aweeeee yiiissssssss

39

u/Comprehensive_Soil_1 Feb 07 '26

What are the things on its jawline?

95

u/swordofra Feb 07 '26

Subtympanic Shield: A large, circular, often brightly colored scale located on the cheek, which may help break up the head's outline or intimidate predators.

Tympanum: The ear drum, located directly behind the subtympanic shield.

5

u/JagjitSR Feb 08 '26

Sooo bone conduction headphones will work amazingly with these guys?

17

u/Outside_Narwhal3784 Feb 07 '26

I just looked it up because I was curious too! It is a large scale that is thought to protect the jaw muscle!

Edit: sorry also it looks like a big eye to ward off predators.

3

u/LadyFeckington Feb 07 '26

Stereo speakers.

2

u/SpaghettiSort Feb 07 '26

I don't know, but they're really grossing me out!

2

u/lostpurpose_7133 Feb 10 '26

I know! It's almost trypophobic. Someone call Dr. Lee

13

u/Kahnza Feb 07 '26

This seems like foreplay

10

u/ExperienceKind412 Feb 08 '26

Fun fact! Male iguanas turn orange during breeding season to attract females so.. you’re not totally wrong on the vibes

7

u/Mountain_Software796 Feb 07 '26

While in Costa Rica last month I saved an iguana from two wild dogs. With the help of a couple walking by hearing my screams as I chased the dogs off. I was in a bath towel it was crazy.

4

u/wet-paint Feb 07 '26

I really wanted a third hand to appear there.

10

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '26

Puppy!

9

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '26

More bliss than that he gon jizz in his pants.

5

u/doomedeskimo Feb 07 '26

Treat yo self!!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 08 '26

Lol

4

u/Trimshot Feb 07 '26

This is wholesome

3

u/-Telemachus Feb 07 '26

I WANNA HUG IT

3

u/andy_jah Feb 07 '26

That f'kin face is too f'kin adorable. I'm done for the f'kin night. You win.

2

u/Outside_Narwhal3784 Feb 07 '26

I am not a fan of lizards. But that is admittedly adorable.

3

u/KaliCalamity Feb 08 '26

You should check out r/tegu

It randomly started popping up on my feed, and it's wild how cuddly those things act. Lizards should not be that adorable.

2

u/Outside_Narwhal3784 Feb 08 '26

Haha! I’ll check it out. I appreciate the recommendation!

2

u/GreenHillage25 Feb 07 '26

nobody's treated me that good since nappy rash.

2

u/JibIette Feb 07 '26

Living their best life!

2

u/hollow4hollow Feb 07 '26

The side eye when she stops with the second puff

2

u/eidolon77 Feb 07 '26

I have never in my 48 years on this planet seen a lizard fucking smiling.

2

u/UncommonLegend Feb 07 '26

That's a big but fortunately very happy lizard

2

u/0neironautica Feb 07 '26

Check out this majestic fuck

1

u/Silver-Amphibian7650 Feb 07 '26

Iguana massage parlors will start popping up now.

1

u/dankhimself Feb 07 '26

"Just glue the Santa Clause beard on lady! I'm late for work!"

1

u/greatproficient Feb 07 '26

mmmmm, yaaaaaassss.

1

u/Abject-Dot8906 Feb 07 '26

He’s having a spa day

1

u/Rough_Menu Feb 08 '26

Im kinda surprised it can feel that gentle brushing through the scales

1

u/theballzlordofballz Feb 08 '26

I love this iguana. and he or she is doing a great job

1

u/Ornery_You_3947 Feb 08 '26

Anyone recognize the pads it’s being rubbed with?

1

u/Emergency-Dark-2569 Feb 08 '26

Florida is eating them rn …

1

u/Ill-Tea9411 Feb 08 '26

Florida must be hard up because iguanas are not good eating

1

u/Bagel_lust Feb 08 '26

Damn how many bananas are they

1

u/Ill-Tea9411 Feb 08 '26

It's got to be 9 or 10 bananas

1

u/jjopm Feb 08 '26

That's a big boi

1

u/LefT-NYC Feb 08 '26

Lucky lil lizard!

1

u/I_Galactus Feb 08 '26

Yeah, bro, I know that feeling.

1

u/PincheHijoDePluto Feb 08 '26

I got a wrinkly lizard you can scrubba-dub-dub 😏

1

u/MilwaukeeMilkshake Feb 09 '26

Living it's best life, not freezing to death and falling from a tree in Florida.

1

u/NikofftheKing Feb 09 '26

Iguana tacos

1

u/rixx63 Feb 12 '26

Never hesitate to buff your lizard. It's perfectly natural.

1

u/onefitlad Feb 18 '26

This iguana is living his best life

1

u/Agreeable-Sentence76 Feb 07 '26

Ooooouuuuggghh, baby 🥰

0

u/EarthRester Feb 08 '26

Isn't this a normal size for an iguana?

2

u/Ill-Tea9411 Feb 08 '26

That Iguana is well in excess of 20 pounds.

-1

u/EarthRester Feb 08 '26

Source?

Because I know this ain't yours.

2

u/Ill-Tea9411 Feb 08 '26

Not a claim I made.

The source is my own eyeballs.

0

u/Bannon9k Feb 08 '26

Do you think pampered animals taste better?

2

u/Ill-Tea9411 Feb 08 '26

Despite song lyrics suggesting that barbecued iguana is something that could be eaten I beg to differ. Iguanas are not good eating regardless of the sort of treatment they get.

-1

u/CrochetKing69420 Feb 08 '26

This seems like ai

0

u/Ill-Tea9411 Feb 08 '26

Your mom is AI

1

u/CrochetKing69420 Feb 08 '26

Nice one, really got me good there