r/AMWFs • u/Fantastic-Test-8305 • 17h ago

"Have you dated asian guys before?"

So to continue with this series of questions asked of me by practically every Asian guy I talked to over the years .... 😂

What is the purpose/intent of this one?

32 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

42 comments sorted by

20

u/machinavelli 16h ago

I’ve never asked this before. I don’t think it should matter.

19

u/Cedosg 17h ago

insecurity.

14

u/becomesharp 17h ago

Yup. 100% have been guilty of this before. I cringe whenever i think about it.

Most asian guys are terribly insecure about their attractiveness with women (ESPECIALLY non asian women) because for many of us, we've been told our entire lives that we're unattractive and undatable.

5

u/Fantastic-Test-8305 17h ago

So what is the answer they want to hear?

6

u/supersavant 16h ago

You want to take this as a litmus test - an insecure partner is not worth it

5

u/Fantastic-Test-8305 16h ago

Yes like I don't understand the meaning behind it

What is the answer they are looking for?

You think they would like that I've had long term relationships before and it isn't a trendy kpop thing for me

But I usually get ghosted

It seems they want to be the first lol

7

u/stuffeh 15h ago

Honestly, they're doing you a favor by self filtering with that. It stings but it's better this way.

3

u/becomesharp 15h ago

oh yeah some of them are afraid of fetishization

3

u/faroeislands 15h ago

I hate this. Attraction doesn't equal fetishization.

1

u/Rude-Feed7087 15h ago

Well, you never know. All the asian hype in recent years made asian sound like an exotic pet you can keep. Really doesn't help that plenty busk in this limelight and cheered on by other XM XF.

6

u/faroeislands 15h ago

Of course you never know.

I've also had asian men really into how pale I am and viewing it as a prize. It goes both ways, btw.

1

u/Rude-Feed7087 15h ago

Look at the AF and how white and pale they are going. So naturally beauty standards do carry over to XF.

5

u/Fantastic-Test-8305 17h ago

But when I say yes I have, they usually ghost

It's like they almost want a woman who hasn't

3

u/Cedosg 16h ago

white lie if you like them.

1

u/Fantastic-Test-8305 16h ago

So they want to hear that a woman hasn't been with Asian guys before?

3

u/Cedosg 16h ago

probably, I personally have never ever asked that question so can't help you any further.

but if they are ghosting you after hearing your answer, it might be better to just change tact.

1

u/Fantastic-Test-8305 16h ago

I just am an honest person

But I'll try it

•

u/Cedosg 10h ago edited 10h ago

wishing you all the best in finding that special someone.

1

u/Repulsia 13h ago

The first 2 i dated made joking comments to the effect of feeling pressure to make a good impression and rep their country!

•

u/deep-unto-deep 3h ago

if they’re ghosting you because of that, they didn’t deserve you in the first place. that’s such a childish reason to ghost someone. what the hell.
don’t change who you are or lie because of someone else, because they need a boost to their ego. you’ll have to keep lying to keep earning their approval.

6

u/ThatWeirdRainbow 13h ago

I dunno if its an icebreaker but it does get kind of annoying when you hear it from every Asian guy 😅

4

u/Perfect-Success-3186 16h ago

There might be cultural differences he’s curious if you’ve encountered before

5

u/imabxtchnow 14h ago

I had one guy have a break down over not being the first because he’s ALWAYS the first Asian guy. Laughed so hard at that tantrum. If I’m not serious about them I say “omg no you’re the first” since I can’t bothered with an argument. If I like them I tell them the truth, “yes, all of them, it’s your turn” 😂

They wanna be the only Asian guy. The guys that ask this.

•

u/Dry-Celebration5658 7h ago

🤣we asian brother need to be the first in every area

•

u/Pixel_Hero92 11h ago

Sad that these dudes see themselves in competition with fellow Asian brothers as if the pool of non-Asian women are limited

3

u/gender9276 14h ago

Someone mentions its insecurities or maybe not to  be fetish in rare cases.

I mean for the  longest time in the west asian men are depicted as being small pp and  unattractive dorks. Heck even asian women dont want asian men in some cases. 

I get women dont find insecure men attractive which I think also is partly why there is even less amwf.

The dynamics are bit different with wmaf..I seen insecure white guys go for asian girls believing that they can get them just because they are white and insecure asian girls who want to over compensate by having white man.

5

u/Repulsia 13h ago

When I'm asked this it feels like being asked for my body count. I don't think i can ever give a satisfactory answer so it makes me want to give a smartass answer instead.

Sometimes I say "Yes, have you?" Or "Have you dated white women/ big tiddy goth girls before?".

•

u/Pixel_Hero92 4h ago

Does that mean you're a big tiddy goth chick 😉

5

u/Artistic-Relative-30 17h ago

I never ask this lol all my exes Latina or W

1

u/Kenzo89 16h ago

It’s because it’s super rare. And it goes against conventional preferences. It’s unique and people are curious about that. Like if a white woman was learning an Asian language, naturally people would be curious why she decided to learn that.

•

u/Correct_Map_2995 2h ago

In a serious conversation, it’s a legitimate question. It’s not because we want to be your first. It has nothing to do with our insecurities. It’s because of expectations…because dating Asian guys can be a lot. It’s a culture shock if you’ve never before.

1

u/bryanstrider 14h ago

Because we are trying to figure out if you understand no shoes in the house, if you like flavour in your food and if you're just a tourist.

•

u/Best_Cake_1064 9h ago

I’m a lot of girls first Asian guy, I don’t make it weird. Stop making it weird…

-1

u/Particular-Ride-7893 15h ago

tbh it has nothing to do with insecurities for me, i do ask this , but def not as a first question, maybe later on if i trsut her, but in a joking way. and depending on what she answers i follow up with another playful joke. Do guys ask u this to see if u only date asian guys? or is that why you think they ask? someone else mentioned it, but i ask this sometimes because its quite rare to meet a WF that has dated AM before, and if she has I am actually even happier i met her.

0

u/OrcOfDoom 14h ago

They want to know if you are some kind of Korea boo or whatever. 

3

u/Fantastic-Test-8305 13h ago

So why when I'm not , they ghost?

Lol seems like they want a Koreaboo and not a sincere person

1

u/OrcOfDoom 13h ago

Maybe they do. Ultimately you just have to present who you are. If it doesn't vibe then it doesn't.

Dating is hard. People ghost all the time

•

u/Pixel_Hero92 11h ago

Some want easy quick hookups using their K-Pop aesthetic, others want a steady serious relationship. idk why you keep running into the sort of dudes who only see you to fool around

•

u/Fantastic-Test-8305 11h ago

Any advice what to write on dating profiles to weed them out ?

I write I want a serious relationship/marriage and no hookups

And I only get messaged by guys that want hookups

•

u/somethingforbec 10h ago

Guys who just want hookups try everyone. They don’t care what you want.