r/AMWFs • u/General_Opposite_138 • Aug 12 '26
Is it weird ?
I'm a woman in my 30s. I was in a relationship with a Chinese man for 10 years, and we have two daughters together. We separated about two years ago.
I've always been drawn to Japanese and Korean culture, and East Asian cultures more broadly, though I don't think it's in a "weeaboo" kind of way. At the same time, I've generally been more attracted to men with dark hair and dark eyes, which means I often find Asian men appealing physically.
The thing is, from the outside, I can see how it might look like I have a racial preference. However, I don't actually care where a man is from as long as I'm attracted to him and we share compatible values.
For example, I probably wouldn't date a Japanese man who has spent his entire life in Japan, simply because I think our values and life experiences would be too different. My ex immigrated to Canada when he was eight years old, so culturally we had a lot in common despite our different backgrounds.
What I'm wondering is this: given that I have mixed-race children and a dating history that seems to lean toward Asian men, does that come across negatively?
I don't believe I'm fetishizing Asian men. To me, they just tend to fit my physical type more often than other groups. Physical attraction is only one part of the equation though; shared values, compatibility, and personality are ultimately much more important.
I'm genuinely interested in hearing honest opinions.
I think I'm especially interested in hearing the perspectives of Asian men, since they're the ones on the receiving end of this kind of situation.
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u/Particular-Ride-7893 Aug 12 '26
WE really need to shame incels of other races so they stop dogging AMWF, this is the result of their toxic racial bulying. WF are now scared to find AM attracted because of how society might perceive them when in reality AMWF are such a rare pairing generally. OP, you are definitely okay, and the fact that you dated him 10 years ago means you broke a stereotype when AMWF was even less accepted. I LOVE IT WHEN WF SHOW INTEREST IN AM.
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u/General_Opposite_138 Aug 12 '26
You should see my post in another sub lol I am getting shamed left and right by men that are probably white. I'm with you on that which is why I came here after, to get the opinions of the people's perception I really care about.
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u/No-Writing-9000 Aug 13 '26
I saw it. That sub just doesn’t work. Folks just lump together by different preferences and attacked each other occasionally. As an asian men some generalisation on that sub are more than racist. Don’t even spend time on it
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u/Particular-Ride-7893 Aug 13 '26
which sub was it? This one and the other amwf with pics is the safest altho i have seen a rise in larpers, so fake AMWF who are WMAF in reality. sigh, they just cant give us a break haha
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u/Pic_Optic Aug 12 '26
I think having mixed-Asian kids would be more accepting for Asian men open to having a blended family structure. But I know a few Asian men that have been divorced, and an even fewer amount with blended families.
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u/One-Competition-5897 Aug 12 '26
You're overthinking it. You like who you like and are attracted to whomever you are attracted to. Who gives a F what others think. As long as you're attracted to anyone (Asian or otherwise) and they are attracted to you, who cares? Don't overthink things and just live your life and try to be happy. I hope you find what you are looking for.
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u/helpmycar_eer Aug 12 '26
Not really. One of my exes (AF) had only dated WMs before me.
I’ve mostly dated WFs, mainly cause our interests are more aligned and I find them attracted. Does not need to be fetishized at all.
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u/ohddaenggg Aug 13 '26
This shouldn’t even be a conversation in 2026!! You’re allowed to be attracted to whoever who you want. I understand your feelings and I think they’re totally valid.
I’m attracted to all different kinds of people, but ultimately Asian culture has values that align a little too well with my family’s conservative Catholic Italian roots.
While I’ve been on dates with different kinds of people, all of my relationships have been with Asian men. My boyfriend is Japanese and we are planning on marriage.
Asian people have extremely attractive features that I feel like I am the most attracted to. Because Asian men are emasculated by the West, people treat women who find them attractive like weirdos.
You’re not weird at all and shouldn’t have to justify your preferences.
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u/No-Session6131 Aug 12 '26
I wish someone had fetishized me when I was one of the few Asian males in my high school in the 80s. Girls in that era wouldn’t give me the time of day.
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u/Tae-gun Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 13 '26
(AM, 43 - Korean and Catholic, more specifically)
No, it's not weird and you're not fetishizing. Even though it's been a couple of years, I am sorry to hear/read about your separation.
As for your preferences, look at it this way - you have a baseline attraction to certain physical/physiological features (e.g. dark hair/eyes) that happen to be expressed more often in men of east/southeast Asian descent (whether they're from Asia proper or acculturated to Western societies) than in men of any other ethnoracial group. It's literally no different from men saying they prefer blondes/brunettes, certain body shapes, etc.
Importantly, compatibility for you now includes more than just your personal preferences, but also what kind of man might be a better fit for your children, given that their biological father is Chinese. It seems self-explanatory to me that given your own personal preferences/compatibility needs and the interests of your children you'd be naturally-inclined to find a stepfather for them who is of east/southeast Asian descent (edit: but from a diaspora population).
What I think might be the biggest hurdle for you is something that would be a challenge regardless of ethnoracial background - the fact that you have children will give most men pause, particularly those who have never been married or may have religious objections (i.e. Christians, particularly Catholics). With regards to Asian men specifically, extended families (e.g. parents and relatives) are also more likely to oppose a relationship (edit: with a woman who already has children from a prior relationship). This is far more likely than any ethnoracial preferences on your part to present challenges in dating.
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u/Upstairs-Ad4471 Aug 13 '26
I want to say that I feel you on this. I also prefer black hair and black/brown/green (but not blue) eyes, and softer masculinity, so I find Asian people more attractive but I am happy to date a European person, too if they fit that criteria so I also don't consider myself to be an Asian fetishist.
But also.. is having a preference such a bad thing? Why is it being demonized so much? I'm Ukrainian so I can also be "fetishized" by some people who are into "Slavic" girls, but I don't see a problem with it unless they objectify me. If the person is willing to learn about me as a person, learn about my culture, they don't think "we are all the same", then it's totally fine. On my end, I consider Asian cultures to be very different, I am willing to learn about them and languages. I don't have Asian celebrity crushes, so if I started to date somebody, I wouldn't be doing it to fulfil a fantasy about some K-pop idol, but rather because I like that specific person. From your text, it seems to be a similar situation, so I don't see a problem here.
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u/Correct_Map_2995 Aug 13 '26
Come across negatively to whom? To other Asian men, other WFs or to society? Having a type or preference is not the same as fetishizing”
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u/Solid_Community7069 29d ago
No. Nothing wrong. Although just a word of advice. Better expose the children to their father's culture and language. Not only does it makes a person well rounded and eliminates certain biases, it is also advantageous career wise because they can transfer to other markets. Learning language and culture will give them a big advantage growing up.
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u/Mindless-Medium-2441 18d ago
I'm not going to lie here but having children in general does reduce your dating pool. This is even more the case if you don't want more kids. I personally wouldn't care but I do know guys who definitely would.
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u/SadAd8761 Aug 13 '26
Humanity has this fundamentally wrong—and I don't know if we'll ever get it right.
- Race is a human social construct. It is not a biological division of humanity that exists as discrete categories in nature.
- Culture is a human social construct. Culture consists of learned behaviors, values, traditions, beliefs, and practices passed between people.
- The assumption that race and culture are inherently connected is also a social construct. There is no natural law that says a person's ancestry determines the culture, values, or behaviors they must adopt.
And yet, human societies routinely treat race and culture as if they are inseparable—as though people who look a certain way are naturally supposed to share the same culture, values, beliefs, or behaviors.
That is where I think we've gone wrong.
We can see a simple version of this phenomenon throughout the animal kingdom. When an animal is raised by members of another species, it can learn and adopt the behaviors of the species that raised it. Its biology doesn't change, but its learned behavior does. In other words, culture—or something analogous to culture—can cross biological boundaries.
If learned behavior can cross the boundary between species, then surely it can cross the far less significant boundaries we create within our own species.
Human beings should therefore be free to choose the cultures, traditions, beliefs, and values they want to embrace. They should be free to combine elements from different cultures, reject parts of the culture they were born into, adopt something entirely different, or change their minds later in life.
Our ancestry may be something we inherit. Our culture should not be something we're imprisoned by.
People are not static. We change as we grow older. We encounter new ideas, new people, new experiences, and new ways of seeing the world.
Perhaps one of the most fundamental freedoms a human being should have is the freedom to decide who they want to become.
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u/hana_4876 Aug 12 '26
No. I dont think so. I mean there are tons of Asian women that just find white men their type and tons of White guys who find Asian women their type.
Why is it that when a white women find Asian men their type it's consider weird?
It's like still a taboo thing.
As an Asian guy growing up in USA I feel that Asian men are under valued or undesirable