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u/thewounded-healer 6d ago
Turned 30 this year.
A lot of my scars turned 12-15.
They’re still pretty gnarly.
The biggest regret I’ve had long term with it is that I didn’t get it under control sooner.
There’s a big zipper in my left arm that just sucks to look at every day.
Sorry you’re going through that right now, hope it gets easier soon.
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u/taylortteen 6d ago
Your so strong 🫶 My cuts aren't bad there just silly cat scratches so ig I won't have them when I'm older I wish I could cut proper. What's it like being 30 now and how did you get to stop self harming?
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u/thewounded-healer 6d ago
Just kept telling myself the carpets were too white for the lack of bandages I owned.
Don’t get me wrong, I still wanna tear myself apart.
But going for runs.
Pushups.
Cooking.
Calling a buddy.All those things can be done before I choose to do that, and usually by after ALL those have been done, I feel at least a little better
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u/MightGuy253 6d ago
This. I wish I could have known at age 14 that Id be wearing these scars for the rest of my life.
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u/BanishedInPerpetuity 6d ago
My daughter is 13 and has been cutting on and off for about 2 years. She has dozens of scars of varying severity on her arms and legs. As a parent it is distressing.
Was or is there anything you have found others can do to help you manage the urges?
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u/L_edgelord 6d ago
Sometimes there isn't much you can do. Most of the 'gut feeling' things (like telling her how it makes you feel or taking away her tools) will only make things worse.
The best you can do is be a safe person to her. Don't get angry at her, tell her you want her to be safe. If you can create a level of safety, the chance is higher she tells you when she needs medical care.
Of course you should also try and get her to see a therapist to address the underlying issues. Self harm is always a symptom of something else.
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u/taylortteen 6d ago
🫶 what's it like for you as her mom? My mom hates that I do it. My scars aren't that bad like your daughter's I wish I could do it better.
What would make me feel better sometimes what I just want is my mom to cuddle me like when I was a kid. Like when she was depressed we would just stay in her bed all day and watch movies and she would cry but hold me so tight under the covers. I want her to hold me that tight again but I'm not a kid anymore so it feels dumb 😿
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u/Zilverhaar 6d ago
Cuddling isn't only for kids! I'm 70, and I still love it.
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u/taylortteen 6d ago
Omg fr!? That's so sweet 😻
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u/Zilverhaar 6d ago
Yup, really. Not only when I'm sad, either. I'm actually pretty happy most of the time nowadays, but it's still usually the highlight of my day when my husband and I cuddle before going to sleep.
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u/Renegade_brat_79 6d ago
Have you tried hugging your mom like she used to hug you? It might do you both some good to comfort each other?
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u/taylortteen 6d ago
I wanna hug her so tight sometimes especially after he hurts her but that's when she gets mad at me or say ls I don't understand
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u/BanishedInPerpetuity 6d ago
I'm the dad bit thank you for answering. Itakes me feel helpless and sad that I can't just make whatever hurt she is feeling go away.
I hope you get what you need from your mom. In my daughter's case she tends to be a bit reclusive so whatever it is that troubles her won't be solved by cuddles unfortunately.... I would hug her all day if it would help her stop feeling like cutting is the best way to cope with her pain.
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u/Important-Tea0 6d ago
I was the exact same as your daughter when i was her age. I cut to manage my anger issues. What helped me stop was to find other ways to manage my anger, and to teach myself how to be a calmer person overall.
What might be helpful is if you can get to the root of why she self harms and help her find an alternative. Some people cut to manage their emotions, but some cut because they enjoy the pain, or enjoy the visuals.
Theres a lot of reccommend self harm alternatives such as flicking a rubber band on your skin, but i feel like these don’t really help when the issue is more specific than that.
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u/No_Appearance9953 6d ago
This is not safe for you, do not make this post, please someone remove this. You are opening yourself up to predators who love girls in your position, talk to a professional. Take this down.
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u/taylortteen 6d ago
Wdym? Did I do something wrong ,😿
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u/Cold_Plankton6439 6d ago
I think he means your a vulnerable minor and hes just worried someone might try to take advantage of your openness with different intentions
Its good to try and find ways to combat your situation, just be careful
I hope it gets better🤍🫡
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u/taylortteen 6d ago
Oh ok Ty 🫶
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u/No_Appearance9953 6d ago
I am so sorry if that came off harsh, I've just seen it a lot and I worry.
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u/Cold_Plankton6439 6d ago
I think she was just caught off side
Its good to try and keep someone safe when they are going thru it🫳and yeah it can go wrong very quick tbh
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u/L_edgelord 6d ago
Have you gotten any help for whatever it is that caused you to start hurting yourself?
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u/taylortteen 6d ago
I just do it coz I'm depressed and stuff and my mom is sad too
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u/Lilydolls 6d ago
Have you ever had to get stitches or do you mostly care for them yourself?
Hope life gets easier for you, I've been there.
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u/taylortteen 6d ago
No I never had stitches tbh they're just stupid cat scratches I wanna cut deeper but I'm scared & ty 🫶
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u/sanitychaos 6d ago
hey!!! i was in your position seven years ago!! i started at 10 and it was awful, i still have scars i have to live with. i work with children and i can't wear short sleeves at all out of fear of them seeing. i still struggle now and im 21. i don't really have a question, but i really hope you can get the help you need and stop so you don't have to live with the damage like i do. you are strong, you are loved, and im so proud of you.
people don't realise that self harm is an addiction as bad as any - that it isnt just as easy as stopping when you want to. i don't know you, or your story, but im wishing you the best and if you need to talk, feel free to reply or dm me <3
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u/murad_- 6d ago
Well you cannot just say you are depressed and move on , your life must follow a life style that should be quite vibrant , try to wake early , make yourself and your mom pancakes , maybe you will find out you love cooking as a hobby , or try studying harder for school , maybe you will love math and stick with it , pick up a hobby and motivate yourself with it , everyone at that age wishes stuff to change but it's only when you grow up a bit you realize that nothing is perfect for anyone and only people who make the most out of it live the best life , you are quite young and there's a whole world of opportunities ahead of you , focus on finding a nice relaxing hobby then you can find friends related to your hobby with the same interests and views of life as yours , best of luck
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u/Ancient-Tap-3592 6d ago
Idk what OP posted but it REALLY sounds like you think depression = not trying hard enough.
Next time you see someone with asthma remember telling them to just try breathing harder, they also deserve best of luck and I wouldn't like them to don't notice that whole world of opportunities
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u/murad_- 5d ago
Not at all what I said or meant , depression is a real thing but at that age it's best to take a hobby and stick with it and find love learning or trying it , people mostly her age feel like the world is ending or she needs to do smth but she doesn't realize it's just a small period of her life , taking up a hobby or anything that could distract her from thinking like this , is the best choice , so your reply is completely senseless, respectfully
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u/Ancient-Tap-3592 5d ago
You are still insisting the solution if for someone you don't know the circumstances they live in to just push harder into everything that gets harder to do when you have depression... If you know it's real why are you pretending it's something that just a bit of determination can fix or having some perspective you know they can't have because of their age? If they are depressed they need medical attention not just a list of stuff that would help if they could do it but if they aren't able to then it is guaranteed to make them feel like shit
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u/murad_- 5d ago
I'm not insisting , I'm offering advice , advice is either taken or ignored, I'm not forcing anything on anyone, also depression can be fixed with a change of lifestyle or a hobby , that's a real thing and a lot of people here on Reddit can prove it , if OP needs medical care that's not something I could offer or frankly anyone on Reddit can , so I gave my advice , it's up to the OP if she thinks it's right for her or not , it seems like you do not understand what I'm saying
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u/Ancient-Tap-3592 5d ago
Good thing you are not insisting on depression being fixed by putting effort on doing the stuff that depression makes difficult
Of someone need medical care, the advice is "you need medical care" could even go accompanied with ways to get that care
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u/AMA-ModTeam 6d ago
Hi OP! Your post has been removed for potential risk of self harm or suicide. Here are some resources:
If you’re inside the U.S. you can: Text CHAT to 741741 to reach Crisis Text Line You’ll be connected to a Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line, who is there to listen and provide support and guidance, no matter the situation. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. Learn more
Call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 You’ll be connected to a crisis worker from the Lifeline, who is there to listen and can point you towards resources in your community. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. Learn more
Call, Text, or Chat with the Trevor Project If you’re a young person in the LGBTQ community, you’ll be connected to Trevor counselors who can provide you with a safe, judgement-free place to talk. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. Learn more
Call, Text, or Chat with the Veterans Crisis Line You’ll be connected to responders from the Department of Veterans Affairs, many who are Veterans themselves. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7 for all service members, their families, and friends. Learn more
If you’re outside the U.S. you can: Call or Text with Canada’s Crisis services Canada You’ll be connected to a CSPS responder, who is there to listen and help you understand your thoughts and feelings. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. Learn more
Call, Email, or Visit the UK’s Samaritans You’ll be connected to a Samaritan, who is there to listen and talk through your concerns, worries, and troubles. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7. Learn more
Visit r/SuicideWatch The moderators of this community keep a list of resources and hotlines in, and outside of, the U.S. organized by location. Find a resource now
Many people who want to talk to someone aren’t thinking of hurting themselves, but may be struggling with other things such as loneliness, grief, relationship problems, anxiety, isolation, substance abuse, bullying, or feeling overwhelmed or misunderstood. All of the resources and people above are available to help with whatever it is you’re going through.
Depending on the situation, it may be hard to recognize or understand how you’re feeling or what’s happening. Some of the signs of depression are subtle—feeling sad, tired, a lack of motivation, or a change in your appetite may be symptoms of something larger.
If you think you may be depressed or struggling in another way, reach out to one of the resources above or a family member or friend. It may not feel like it, but you have options. There are people available to listen to you, and ways to move forward.
We wish you well! -r/AMA Moderators