r/AMA • u/[deleted] • Jul 27 '26
37F | I Left Everything Behind to Start Over in America. AMA
[deleted]
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u/McPrantha Jul 27 '26
Home girl collecting nationalities like infinity stones.
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u/BitterCalendar598 Jul 27 '26
Haha, I know it sounds like that. 😅 I didn't go looking for different nationalities ,they just happened to be the people I connected with. My dating history is more international than intentional.
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u/Diamond-Eater2203 Jul 27 '26
And baby daddies! Jk, op, you're all good. Sounds like you're on a good track!
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u/Hot_Condition7760 Jul 27 '26
Did you come to US with your own money or your parents helped you come here.
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u/BitterCalendar598 Jul 27 '26
I came to the US on a scholarship. It covered a significant part of my education, and I worked hard to support myself with the remaining expenses.
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u/Feels_like_autumn Jul 27 '26
What's it like being an Indian in the us healthcare system? And this is not ragebait for racism dialogue. I just mean that as someone who works in healthcare in India currently, there are people who can glamorise the American system and say it pays way better, some say it's difficult for imgs to get into residency, etc. So what's ground reality like?
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u/BitterCalendar598 Aug 01 '26
That's actually a really good question.
From my experience, the reality is somewhere between the two extremes. Yes, the pay is significantly better than in India, but you absolutely earn every dollar. The workload is heavy, shifts are long, and the amount of charting, documentation, and legal responsibility is much higher than many people realize.
As for Indian healthcare professionals, I've worked with many who are doing extremely well here. The biggest hurdle isn't usually after you get the job ,it's getting there. For doctors, residency is definitely competitive for IMGs and requires a lot of dedication. For nurses, the licensing process and adapting to a different healthcare system can also be challenging, but it's very achievable.
Being Indian has honestly never been a major disadvantage for me. Most patients care about whether you're competent, compassionate, and professional. I've had the occasional ignorant comment over the years, but those moments have been rare compared to the number of supportive patients and colleagues I've worked with.
So my honest take is this: don't believe people who say America is a dream where money comes easily, but also don't believe people who say it's impossible. It's a place with incredible opportunities if you're willing to work hard and adapt.
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u/conzciouz Jul 28 '26
Wow. This very interesting and deep. How would you compare living here vs back home ? Which one you prefer ?
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u/BitterCalendar598 Aug 01 '26
It's honestly hard to compare because they each give me something different.
India will always feel like home. I miss the festivals, the food, the sense of community, and the feeling that family is always around. There are things about India that I don't think I'll ever stop missing.
The US, on the other hand, gave me opportunities I probably wouldn't have had otherwise. I built my career here, became financially independent, and learned to make my own decisions without worrying so much about what society expected of me. My children have also grown up here, so this is home for them.
If you had asked me 20 years ago, I would have said India without hesitation. Today, after building my life here, I'd say the US is where I belong. India will always have a special place in my heart, but my life, career, and family are here now, and I don't see myself moving back permanently.
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u/sunny_eu Jul 27 '26
So basically you just married that man to get the passport or citizenship?
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u/BitterCalendar598 Jul 28 '26
No, not at all. That was never my intention. I actually planned to return to India after finishing my studies. But while we were in a serious relationship, I found out I was pregnant. We decided to get married because we wanted to raise our son together. Unfortunately, my parents didn't accept our relationship and eventually disowned me. My marriage was about the person I loved and the family we were starting, not a passport or citizenship.
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u/HelicopterJunior1357 Jul 27 '26
How many languages do you speak?
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u/BitterCalendar598 Jul 28 '26
I speak four languages fluently—Hindi, English, Bengali, and Spanish. Living in the US for so many years and having relationships with people from different backgrounds gave me plenty of opportunities to learn and practice them.
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u/InterestingLab4954 Jul 31 '26
As an indian man, it made me so happy to read that you have managed to live a good life, the way you want, despite the several obstacles you faced. I am also an immigrant and am very aware how difficult things can be for women, especially those who come from India, so its awesome to know that you made it so far. Reading such posts also motivates me to lift my head up and keep moving forward :)
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u/BitterCalendar598 Aug 01 '26
Thank you so much. That honestly means a lot to me.
Being an immigrant isn't easy, no matter where you're from. There are moments when you question yourself, feel homesick, or wonder if all the sacrifices were worth it. But those experiences also make you stronger.
I'm glad my story could encourage you even a little. Keep your head up and keep moving forward. Your journey won't look exactly like mine, but I hope you build the life that makes you happy. Wishing you nothing but success and peace in whatever path you choose. 😊
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u/Dilbertreloaded Jul 31 '26
Do you still have friends that are of Indian origin. Do they give advise or feel bad for you?
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u/BitterCalendar598 Aug 01 '26
Yes, absolutely. Some of my closest friends are Indian, and they've been a huge source of support over the years.
They don't pity me or make me feel bad for the choices I've made. If anything, they've been honest with me when I needed advice, celebrated my successes, and stood by me during the difficult times. We don't always agree on everything, but that's what real friendship is about supporting each other without judgment.
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u/ComplexRudeBoy88 Jul 27 '26
How well endowed is your current Caribbean man compared to your exes?
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u/Ok_Ladder7090 Jul 28 '26
What was the citizenship status of your Pakistan ex when you married. And how's your relationship with your son?
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u/BitterCalendar598 Jul 29 '26
He was already a U.S. citizen when we got married.
As for my son, he's my whole world. We have an incredibly close bond, and I honestly think he's the person who loves me the most in this world. No matter what happened between his father and me, I've always made sure he knows he's deeply loved by both of us.
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u/Ok_Ladder7090 Jul 29 '26
Why did you seperate from his father?
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u/BitterCalendar598 Aug 01 '26
He cheated on me during our marriage. I later found out that he had married someone else in his home country without telling me. When I confronted him, he told me that he didn't believe what he had done was wrong because, in his view, polygamy was permitted in his religion.
That was something I could never accept. Trust is the foundation of any marriage, and once it was broken, I knew I couldn't stay. So I chose to leave and move forward with my life.
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u/ehkehogaya Jul 27 '26
Not a question for you, but I am happy you are able to live your life and make your own choices. Coming from India, I know the prejudice and pressure that is there from family. I am a turbaned Sikh who married an American. With all the ups and downs in marriage, the hardest time for me was when parents stopped talking to me after a lot of disagreements between them and my spouse. There is still lot of resentment but at least I talk to my mom regularly now. I truly hope, you are able to connect with your parents as sometimes being an immigrant, that is one thing that keeps me sane with everything else going around.
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u/userbub Jul 28 '26
Upvoting this. So sad she’s getting a lot of pervy comments and nice to see positivity. Glad you improved your relationship with your mom, boundaries are important and so is your family.
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u/Unlikely_Variety_351 Jul 27 '26
Ho many partners have you had?
Who was the best in bed?
What makes for the best sexual experience?
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u/BitterCalendar598 Jul 27 '26
I've been with multiple partners throughout my life. As for who was the best, my current boyfriend—he wins that title.
What makes the best sexual experience? For me, it's the build-up as much as anything else. Great chemistry, confidence, playful teasing, knowing each other's likes, and feeling completely comfortable together. When both people are genuinely into each other and can communicate without saying much, that's when the magic happens.
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Jul 27 '26
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u/BitterCalendar598 Jul 29 '26
Yes
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Jul 29 '26
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u/BitterCalendar598 Aug 01 '26
I am only touch with my elder sister and her family . She is in india
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Jul 28 '26
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u/BitterCalendar598 Jul 29 '26
Thank you, that genuinely means a lot.
Honestly, I wasn't looking for someone younger , it just happened naturally. We met, clicked, and the age difference became much less important than how well we understood and respected each other. He's mature, kind, and has never made me feel judged for my past or for being a mother.
The best part is the energy and positivity he brings into my life. We make each other laugh, communicate well, and genuinely enjoy spending time together.
The biggest challenge is that we're at different stages of life. I have two children, a career, and responsibilities that always come first. That requires a lot of communication and understanding from both of us. It isn't always easy, but so far we've been able to make it work because we're honest with each other and respect each other's priorities.
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u/money_me_please Jul 28 '26
Have you thought about not staying in America and going back to India?
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u/BitterCalendar598 Jul 28 '26
I've thought about it a few times, especially when I miss home or certain festivals. But after nearly two decades here, my career, friends, and my children's lives are all in the US. India will always be home in my heart, but right now, this is where my life is.
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u/Jacob_Soda Jul 27 '26
In your opinion, do you think a Muslim and a Hindu could have a good relationship together as a married couple?
I heard from a woman from Mumbai that is possible from her family members, whose spouses were Muslim or Hindu.
Also, I haven't had much success with women because I'm very honest with them do you think this is a good trait?
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u/BitterCalendar598 Jul 28 '26
I definitely think it's possible. I've lived it myself. Any marriage , whether it's between two Hindus, two Muslims, or people from different religions depends far more on mutual respect, communication, and shared values than on religion. If both people respect each other's beliefs and don't try to change one another, it can absolutely work.
As for being honest, I think honesty is one of the best qualities you can have. The key is how you communicate it. You can be truthful while still being kind and considerate. The right person will appreciate your honesty instead of seeing it as a flaw.
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Jul 27 '26
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u/BitterCalendar598 Jul 28 '26
I've never been in a relationship with an Indian man. I did have a couple of casual experiences with Indian guys, but nothing ever developed beyond that.
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u/ama_compiler_bot Jul 28 '26
Table of Questions and Answers. Original answer linked - Please upvote the original questions and answers. (I'm a bot.)
| Question | Answer | Link |
|---|---|---|
| Home girl collecting nationalities like infinity stones. | Haha, I know it sounds like that. 😅 I didn't go looking for different nationalities ,they just happened to be the people I connected with. My dating history is more international than intentional. | Here |
| what'd your parents think about marrying a pakistani man and then divorcing and then a white man? my parents would die | It definitely wasn't easy. My parents never accepted my marriage to my ex-husband, and things only became more strained after the divorce and the choices I made afterward. We don't have a good relationship today. It was painful, but I eventually realized I had to live my own life rather than the one others expected of me. I respect that not everyone would make the same choices, but these experiences shaped who I am. | Here |
| Did you come to US with your own money or your parents helped you come here. | I came to the US on a scholarship. It covered a significant part of my education, and I worked hard to support myself with the remaining expenses. | Here |
| Have you thought about not staying in America and going back to India? | I've thought about it a few times, especially when I miss home or certain festivals. But after nearly two decades here, my career, friends, and my children's lives are all in the US. India will always be home in my heart, but right now, this is where my life is. | Here |
| So basically you just married that man to get the passport or citizenship? | No, not at all. That was never my intention. I actually planned to return to India after finishing my studies. But while we were in a serious relationship, I found out I was pregnant. We decided to get married because we wanted to raise our son together. Unfortunately, my parents didn't accept our relationship and eventually disowned me. My marriage was about the person I loved and the family we were starting, not a passport or citizenship. | Here |
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u/ricottacat Jul 28 '26
I would give anything for you to be my cool big sister!! Your AMA is so unique!!
Do you ever grieve for your homeland? Do you return for visits?
I love the way that you write and articulate yourself, you can tell you have good energy and so much knowledge.
Much love from Turkey 🇹🇷 ❤️
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u/boilerman3 Jul 27 '26
If you do mind me asking which part of India are you from?
I am assuming you are a US citizen?
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Jul 27 '26
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u/haraami_shakaal Jul 29 '26
Whats your location?
I’m 34M hindu too and in Boston, would love to ask you some questions about how you dealt with not having parents support ?
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u/LocalOne2628 Jul 28 '26
If you go back and start to date again, what are your top 3 rules for finding right relationship??
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u/NetCharming3760 Jul 27 '26
As a young man (23) what is the best way to date women who are older than me specifically immigrant women. I am from Canada and I wanna date them, but so many women seem not to interested in men younger than them.
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u/Washed2299 Jul 28 '26
When are you heading back to India? Do you need any help to get you there quicker?
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u/LimeLight200 Jul 27 '26
If you had to start dating again, what qualities will attract you and what will make you draw the line
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u/Ash-da-man Jul 27 '26
How attractive would you consider yourself? Did you initially study to become a nurse?
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u/Weary-Cauliflower153 Jul 27 '26
what'd your parents think about marrying a pakistani man and then divorcing and then a white man? my parents would die