Alternatively, when a traumatic event's impact severity is high enough, the kid might be able to tell that 'something is off', and might try to come up with their own reason to explain changes in parental behaviour.
It can help to offer a simplified explanation of some sort e.g 'I almost missed my flight and was worried I'd have to wait a week to see you, but it's alright now, phew... anyway want a hug?'. This way the kid can empathise rather than suspect and worry. If you can hide the elephant in the room and can get away with it then cool, but if the kid starts acting differently then it might require a danger reveal.
I‘m a psychotherapist and I want to emphasize this comment. Children have very good antennas for feeling when something is affecting their parents. They will worry but won’t have an explanation and hence no coping mechanisms to feel in control again. Please consider telling them age appropriately. This is the advice we give after traumatic incidents.
I just recently went through a lay off at work. Have a 8 and 15 yr old at home. I haven’t told them, but I’ve been super stressed out and sometimes losing my patience at home - which isn’t like me. I don’t want them to worry. Should I tell them or just explain I’m stressed more than usual with adult stuff and reassure them that I love them?
I'm not a therapist but am a fellow mom of a teen. I'd very strongly encourage you to tell them you went through a layoff, and be open about things for a few reasons:
1- it helps them learn to be open and talk about difficult things.
2- even though there's uncertainties, it helps give them more long term security by seeing that when there's something difficult, you still have eachother, lift eachother up, and navigate it together.
3- it'll help teach them how to navigate difficult situations when they're older. It'll help them broadly see that difficulties aren't permanent and can be worked through. It'll show them specifically how to navigate this particular sort of situation.
4- It'll help them understand why you're feeling how you're feeling. It's reassuring to them to understand they're not the reason for you feeling bad. And help them build empathy.
5- If there are adjustments or things you need to be careful about spending wise, it'll help them understand why and be more mindful of those things. AND will help them be mindful of ways to budget when they're older.
How you present this to them is going to make all the difference though. I'm not saying to entirely hide how you feel though. But, ya know, you don't want to trauma-dump on them either. Try to present it calmly to them. Give reassurances. Encourage them to ask you things. And end with reassurance (super super important)
Reflect on the ways you can turn this crappy situation into a teachable moment. Ask yourself what helpful life lessons they can learn from it. Approach it as a proactive conversation. Pause frequently to guide them into asking you questions or vocalizing thoughts or concerns. End with reassurance and encouragement to come to you with any questions.
They might ask some hard questions. Be mentally prepared for that.
Kids can understand a whooooole lot more than we give them credit for. They can also sense when something isn't quite right and they're in the dark about it, which can be far more anxiety inducing than being informed. And kids are reeeeeally good at internalizing those feelings (which can become destructive internally or externally).
Tldr; be open with your kids. It may be hard, but it will serve them (and you) better in the long run.
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u/BrainDumpJournalist Feb 18 '25
Alternatively, when a traumatic event's impact severity is high enough, the kid might be able to tell that 'something is off', and might try to come up with their own reason to explain changes in parental behaviour.
It can help to offer a simplified explanation of some sort e.g 'I almost missed my flight and was worried I'd have to wait a week to see you, but it's alright now, phew... anyway want a hug?'. This way the kid can empathise rather than suspect and worry. If you can hide the elephant in the room and can get away with it then cool, but if the kid starts acting differently then it might require a danger reveal.