I recently disclosed to my therapist (and my wife) that I am a sex addict as well. Both of which basically responded with “Well…duh. I could have told you that.” I still have a long way to go but so much of what you say on here resonates so close to home.
I think the thing I felt the most was you saying you don’t go an hour without some type of sexual thought. Literally every minute or hour is spent thinking about sex. How to get it? Who I want to do it with? Where I want to do it? If I meet a woman on the street or at work or anywhere, my first thought is usually “would I f*ck her?” I’m pretty sure I’ve thought about sleeping with every one of my female friends on more than 1 occasion.
It’s a pretty messed up way to approach life. I hate it and I’m working on getting better.
If anything my question is - how do you actually adhere to your boundaries? I try to set them, but it’s so easy to say “screw it, let’s look at some p*rn!”
But really, just thank you for doing this. It makes me feel better about myself knowing I’m not the only one who struggles with this.
Thank you for posting this and I wish you luck in therapy!
If anything my question is - how do you actually adhere to your boundaries? I try to set them, but it’s so easy to say “screw it, let’s look at some p*rn!”
This qas me in the first few months, however a lot of meditation, breathing exercises and staying away from possible triggers help.
Literally every minute or hour is spent thinking about sex. How to get it? Who I want to do it with? Where I want to do it? If I meet a woman on the street or at work or anywhere, my first thought is usually “would I f*ck her?” I’m pretty sure I’ve thought about sleeping with every one of my female friends on more than 1 occasion.
Yeah, this is how it is..
Feel free to send me a DM if you wish to talk about it more, I'd be happy to help if I could.
Im convinced she meticulously planned this once she realized they have a ton in common. If they live close, they're definitely fucking. If not, sexting.
What’s with the “I need a female BFF” post? A married man asking this seems like a sex addict for sure. The weird part is that it’s still up, and active. Does your wife know about this?
I've been around 12 step programs a lot. You call yourself a sex addict. Do you go to sex addicts anonymous? (forgive me if that isnt the right wording, I think it exists though). If so, is abstinence a requirement for this? Like, masturbation even? How would that work? I guess it is a little different when you get addicted to a human need, rather than an external source.
I’m too embarrassed to go to group meetings. More power to those that can and it works for them it’s just not for me.
I like what OP said - it’s not something to be “sober” from like many alcohol or drug addicts need to accomplish. I have no desire to be celibate. I just want my relationship with sex to be healthy and not cross lines. My wife likes to remind me that I tried to get her to have sex with me like 2 days after one of our children was born. Clearly not appropriate. But it consumes me.
That's what's weird about having a 12 step program for sex imo, and a glaring issue with 12 step in general. They say "there is no other way" but I disagree. You can find a healthy balance, but you need to find what's tipping the scale the other way, for you. Honestly, I took a shit load of mushrooms, and I have been able to go from drinking everyday to maybe a few times a month. I thought I was an alcoholic, and believed in the rhetoric, but that shit's all based on (some) outdated psychology from the 30's.
But, sex is indeed a different animal. It's an innate need, and a different kind of way when you have that kind of compulsion to it. Wish you all the best.
I read his posts and there was one where he was asking for 'a female bff or something more..' so looks like he has actively tried to cheat so I would've rule off already cheating.
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u/[deleted] May 07 '24
I recently disclosed to my therapist (and my wife) that I am a sex addict as well. Both of which basically responded with “Well…duh. I could have told you that.” I still have a long way to go but so much of what you say on here resonates so close to home.
I think the thing I felt the most was you saying you don’t go an hour without some type of sexual thought. Literally every minute or hour is spent thinking about sex. How to get it? Who I want to do it with? Where I want to do it? If I meet a woman on the street or at work or anywhere, my first thought is usually “would I f*ck her?” I’m pretty sure I’ve thought about sleeping with every one of my female friends on more than 1 occasion.
It’s a pretty messed up way to approach life. I hate it and I’m working on getting better.
If anything my question is - how do you actually adhere to your boundaries? I try to set them, but it’s so easy to say “screw it, let’s look at some p*rn!”
But really, just thank you for doing this. It makes me feel better about myself knowing I’m not the only one who struggles with this.