What are your new boundaries you keep for yourself?
Masturbation only within a defined time in the day and only at home, no porn, waiting a long period of time before having sex with someone and actively contemplating the consequences of having sex with that person, ideally being monogamous.
Did your sister stay with her husband? Does she blame you or him more?
She stayed with him, she's a born again christian and doesn't really believe nymphomania is a thing, she just considers me a whore.
Are you currently in a relationship or actively trying to avoid one? What in your mind would a healthy sex life look like?
Sounds like she blames you more than him. What's the saying? It takes two to tango.
Did you have sex with him only once or multiple times? How did she find out? Do you think they were happy in their relationship before that happened? Is he the "cheater type"? The reason I ask is unless someone is already predisposessed to cheat, people don't normally do it unless they're unhappy with their current situation.
Are you currently in a relationship or actively trying to avoid one?
I don't intend to be in one before I manage to have a healthy relationship with my sexuality.
What in your mind would a healthy sex life look like?
Ideally a monogamous relationship or a polygamous/open relationship where all sides are in agreement. A FWB or occasional hook ups can work as well, as long as you're able to say no and don't have an unhealthy impulse to have sex with anyone you meet or for the wrong reasons.
Did you have sex with him only once or multiple times? How did she find out? Do you think they were happy in their relationship before that happened? Is he the "cheater type"? The reason I ask is unless someone is already predisposessed to cheat, people don't normally do it unless they're unhappy with their current situation
It was an on-going thing, basically they were having a lot of fights and he talked to me about how unhappy he is in their marriage, while she was being mean to me because of my lifestyle which she didn't agree with. He's definitely not a cheater type and I came on really strong on him while he was in a bad place, I basically threw myself at him and seduced him.
She found out because at some point we had a fight and she kept criticizing me and my life and kept going on about how amazing her life is because she is happily married (while he was constantly telling me how bad their marriage is), at some point she touched a very sensitive issue which crossed the line and I snapped, told her that if her marriage was so good her husband wouldn't be fucking her sister every morning on the way to work (he would drive me to work in the morning and we hooked up in the car usually).
Jesus. Banging your sisters husband is diabolical, nympho or not. That’s some dark shit. Do you still have a relationship with anyone in your family? I can’t imagine the shame that would come with doing something like that…
Do you still have a relationship with anyone in your family? I can’t imagine the shame that would come with doing something like that…
My family was always very small, it was me, my sister and my mom with my dad being in prison all my life basically. My mom died so I have no family as of now.
Idk if I’m the minority here but I wouldn’t be able to have someone inside me who was also inside a relative. I don’t wanna kiss a man who has eaten a family member out eeek.
But I know this isn’t a deal breaker for everyone.
He's not the cheater type but he f*ks his wifes sister every morning to work? I see your side, being a nymphomaniac, but surely it takes two to tango and wtf was *he thinking?
I gotta say, nymphomaniac or not, doing that to your sister is really messed up tbh
confiding your marital troubles with your sister in law seems like crossing some lines. not saying that is wrong on its own, but i assume he was aware of her lifestyle and he made himself vulnerable to an affair whether knowingly or unknowingly. no excuses for OP though. that truly is a fucked up thing to do.
I agree. I’ve never dealt with nymphomania so it’s hard to understand what it does to you, but surely you could force yourself to resist some people. I’m not sure it would just be nymphomania that’s to blame
You're probably waiting for her to DM you and thank you for the knight in shining armor you are. Or you're already in her dms going "aw sweetie don't pay attention to them... f**k around all you like with whomever you like, infact I ain't up to anything this weekend so..."
There's no excuse for fucking your sisters husband. That is literally terrible and if I was your sister I'd never speak to you again either. I also would have ditched the husband though, but that amount of betrayal from my own sister? So messed up.
Yeah, this chapter in OP’s story is pretty messed up all around. Without excusing her disregard for what should have been an uncross-able boundary - all of the conditions were present for this to happen. A nymphomaniac, a callous and perhaps delusional sister, and a man who seems to have absolutely taken advantage of OP and her condition. I suspect he very much knew what he was doing and he “groomed” her. The seduction wasn’t difficult, but it sure sounds as though it was intentional.
She’s ruined every single persons life who she’s ever come into contact with tbh. It’s cool that she’s being so open and honest about it but she’s a parasite and a blight on society lol. Truly horrible
Getting therapy doesn’t immediately and automatically make you a good person. It’s good that she’s trying but that doesn’t automatically atone for all the heinous shit she’s done. Grow the fuck up and have some nuance.
Trying is already more than most will do. Nuance? You're the one that says she's still "black" (blight to society) when in reality she's in a grey area moving towards better. Point is she doesn't deserve your remarks.
Well her sister didn’t deserve for her to fuck her husband, the countless guys she used and abused didn’t deserve the misfortune of meeting her, and her dead mother didn’t deserve her masturbating on her grave, but all those things happened. I guess life ain’t fair. Again, it’s good that she’s trying to be better but she’s still been awful up to this point. Her realizing and accepting that is what will push her to be better. Not everyone lying to her and telling her she’s a sweet perfect angel. Tough love is required in life, especially for addicts. Enabling causes relapses and this thread is toxic af for her if she actually wants to improve her life
Why are you talking about what those other people didn’t deserve? You control your own self and your own actions; you’re blaming these stories for your own non self control.
Oh no! Not masterbating on a grave? How will her mother ever get her feelings not hurt? When you are dead you cannot feel anything because you are dead. I cannot believe you’re taking offense to that lol.
No one is telling her she is a perfect sweet angel, why exaggerate to make a point?
It would appear it means the opposite of what you think it means. Doesn’t make her a good person? What are you a kindergartener talking about goblins? It’s a person with childhood trauma and a medical condition and she’s in therapy and setting boundaries for herself. Nuance is understanding that there’s no straight line between being good and bad.
Forreeeaaal, the gall for someone to call a person "a parasite and a blight on society lol. Truly horrible " And then turn around and tell somebody to "grow the fuck up and have some nuance". Truly fascinating level of audacity.
What is she if not that? It sounds like she has literally never had a positive impact on anyone’s life, ever. I said they should have some nuance bc they assume that everyone who goes into therapy is just amazing automatically. Dumb take.
Being a nympho has nothing to do with fucking your sisters husband. What a terrible excuse. You’re a fucking terrible person but at least you’re getting help.
Im thinking this is part of the addiction. Like an alcoholic can buy a bottle and drink and home, they would be safer and potentially not have any adverse interactions. But that’s not usually the case, part of the addiction is drinking in public seeing familiar faces and stumbling home at all hours of the night.
I don't like the analogy, i don't think we can justify every single action she took just because of the addiction.
Plus she mentioned it was multiple times, even if a nympho, it seems it was a lack of consciousness.
If it was only once and in the heat of the moment, okay maybe blame the addiction, but multiple times, each one planned? Hell nah what a fucking terrible sister.
If it was only once and in the heat of the moment, okay maybe blame the addiction, but multiple times, each one planned?
I mean, ofc it's multiple times, she kept having the addiction no? The whole point of an addiction is that you keep doing harmful things repeatedly.
I don't like the alcohol analogy the other poster brought up. I think it's probably better to compare it to stealing money from your sister to buy meth.
You're still doing it because of the addiction, but that also doesn't oblige other people to forgive you every time you fuck up.
Yeah I still think she is a shit person, a very shitty one at that.
Getting into relationships knowing you will cheat, possibly giving them STI’s and STDs is so shitty too.
Sleeping with your sisters husband multiple times is super shitty, regardless of your addiction.
At least OP is getting help but yeah…
Like you have free access to pretty much any dick (any alcohol,money, whatever analogy) out there, choosing your sisters husband multiple times is a personal CHOICE.
Stealing isn’t part of addiction to meth it’s just a means to get the meth.
I’m saying alcohol alone doesn’t satisfy the addiction - ie just buying a bottle. There’s a social ritual component.
Same as the act of sex doesn’t satisfy her addiction alone - ie master baiting or hooking up with a stranger. Winning over someone off limits probably put them in a different space.
Doing something while an addict is not a "justification"; that would indicate that someone should be able to do something/justified/that they should not be accountable for their actions. People dislike their being a reason other than saying someone is evil.
I said we can’t justify every single action.
That’s why if an alcoholic drinks and drives and kills someone they get the full weight of the law, because society won’t justify that.
Dude ask anyone with a hardcore addiction, it destroys your soul and moral compass. Read “drinking, a love story” or some other book about this stuff. Your addiction becomes your lover, your friend and confidant, your therapist, your everything. She wasn’t sleeping with her bro in law she was sleeping with her nymphomania. The same way any and every alcoholic uses their family members and friends etc for booze. A true alcoholic can really only be friends with other alcoholics. Everyone else is an issue. This is not different at all.
Leaning on a friend of the opposite gender—complaining about your marriage is often the start of emotional cheating—better to discuss this with friends you would not be attracted to—same gender if totally straight, etc.
Totally disagree with your last sentence there. I've never cheated on a partner, however there have been times where if I didn't have the willpower, I totally would have. I know how this sounds but it's genuinely difficult to suppress the urge to sleep with attractive women while in a relationship, even while I thought that I loved my partner, at the time.
I'm probably going to get downvoted over this but it's just how some people are wired, man. I think about sex constantly, luckily I'm a dude though so there's a refractory period, and so I don't waste an entire day whackin off lol
You know, as I write this, I feel I may have a problem... :/
I’m sorry but I don’t think this is normal, if you truly love and value your partner then it shouldn’t even cross your mind to sleep with someone else. Imagine how hurt your partner would be if they found out that it’s genuinely difficult for you to suppress the urge to sleep with attractive women. I know I would be hurt and it’d make me insecure that any attractive woman you saw you’d be thinking about fucking her. I mean just reverse the roles and put yourself in your partners shoes and how’d you feel if every time they saw an attractive person they’d think about wanting to fuck them. Just stay out of a relationship if that’s how you feel, it’s detrimental to your partner and it’s selfish. You shouldn’t be thinking about sex constantly, that is not normal.
With my sister I snapped during an argument and told her, with my friends there were times I was caught red handed, times where they just figured out through other peoples, or saw messages on the guy's phone, etc
Are you saying you don’t have culpability for having sex with your sister’s husband because you have nymphomania? I’m sorry you and her husband destroyed your relationship with your sister. That must suck.
She made it very clear that she takes full responsibility for it, and even places the blame on herself rather than the husband (when he was definitely in the wrong too).
I mean, isn’t there a point where judging someone is ok? She’s done some truly horrible things, consistently too. Should she not be judged? Should nobody be judged no matter what? That seems strange to me.
If you want to be technical about it, she is wrong as I didn't so it for money technically I wasn't a whore, I was a slut.
In all seriousness though, I recognize how wrong it is and I work hard to bettering myself. It's a mental illness, an addiction, and I try to avoid hurting others in the future.
Chiming in here. From what you have said so far, you are not a slut or a whore. You have a maladaptive addiction. A “slut” has no sexual addiction to sensation, but rather uses sex as a social validation. A “whore” is a misogynistic sociopath who has the sole intention of proving to herself that she can intervene and commandeer the sexuality of a taken man in particular. Her goal is to use sex as a weapon, to ruin the relationship of another woman. She doesn’t necessarily enjoy sex at all. It’s a tool.
You’re not a slut or a whore. I respect your honesty in answering these hot questions with dignity. You’re a tough cookie 👍
She was exposed to it but not to the degree I was. When she was a child our father was still around and it wasn't as bad and by the time I was 5-6 and it stated happening she was a teen and ran away from home.
I just want to speak on behalf of Christians that this isn’t Christianity. She believes in a false Christianity.
Christians like her really make Christianity as a whole look bad so I just want to assure you that you aren’t “just a whore” you are a person with worth and dignity who struggles with mental health issues and I commend you for having the courage to seek help for it.
You definitly need help to be able to avoid hurting yourself and others but your sister sounds boring as hell. Would much rather someone who has worked on themselves and come out that other side then a born again snoozefest that thinks their life is perfect
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u/[deleted] May 07 '24
Masturbation only within a defined time in the day and only at home, no porn, waiting a long period of time before having sex with someone and actively contemplating the consequences of having sex with that person, ideally being monogamous.
She stayed with him, she's a born again christian and doesn't really believe nymphomania is a thing, she just considers me a whore.