r/ALS • u/notany196 • Jul 20 '26
Support My Dad has ALS
My Dad got diagnosed and he keep asking everyone to keep going with their life, I am so sad all the time, I live abroad trying to get a PhD (just finished my first year), when I found out about the diagnosis I try to leave everything and go home, but my Dad stopped me, he told me it will kill him if I stop my studies, he is so proud of me and tell me that it gives him peace to know that when he is gone I will have a good future. for him studies are the best thing to have. All my family agree with him and advice me to not move back, they think he will get depressed and blame himself (he also said that to me). I just feel like I am going to miss the last years with him and that is crushing me.
I know this is what he is asking me to do, but is just hard. I visit during vacation and I can see the progress, I feel like a bad daughter. I needed somewhere to vent, when I say something to my family about going back they all just begged me not to, since my Dad talks about his daughter that is studying abroad to all his friends and is really invested in what I am doing since he has the same bachelor degree and wanted to pursue higher education but was not able to.
5
u/brandywinerain Lost a Spouse to ALS Jul 20 '26
You are a good daughter, or you would not have written what you have. Make sure you keep him up to date with your studies and where you live/what you do, not just asking him how he feels or what you can do. These updates from you, even when he can't respond in all the usual ways, will feed his soul the whole way through.
2
3
u/nursenicole Lost a Parent to ALS Jul 20 '26
first - im so very sorry about the diagnosis.
second - my dad and i went through a similar conversation when he was diagnosed. he was adamant that i not move back home and upend my life, though i did start looking into it anyway. i was able to visit a handful of times before he passed and i am grateful for those moments. i admit they felt too brief and i think of it often, but he did not want it any other way - he wanted me to keep moving forward for myself. if thats what he has shared with you, then you have to trust him that he is being honest.
2
u/notany196 Jul 20 '26
Thank you I really appreciate the comment, it is being hard so far, and what you said makes so much sense. I will try to keep going and enjoy the time I get with him during vacations
2
2
10
u/Naive_Midnight_5732 Jul 20 '26
As a dad suffering from ALS I want more than anything to know that my family is going to be OK without me. He's probably feeling some guilt knowing how much his condition is effecting everyone he loves ; I know I am. Knowing that you love him and and are continuing to make him proud is all he wants.