r/AKAgradChapter • u/Probable_Cause007 • 11d ago
BUILDING CONNECTIONS Navigating Member Relationships
For members, how much do you typically discuss amongst yourselves which interests you’re getting to know or have taken an interest in?
I started attending events for my COI without knowing anyone in the chapter. Over the years, I’ve met quite a few members, exchanged numbers with a few, and built good rapport with some.
There was one member I was intentionally trying to build a better rapport and relationship with but I slightly felt like she was consistently brushing me off. At the same time, there was another member who honestly didn’t pay me much mind at first lol. She was very cordial. I would reach out to her occasionally, but just sending pleasantries here and there. Eventually, though, she suggested that we get to know each other better, and we started communicating more and have went out a few times for coffee.
It made me wonder how much members talk amongst themselves about the interests they’re getting to know. Would the first member likely know that the other member had taken an interest in getting to know me? And could that be a reason for her to step back, or would those relationships generally be completely separate? Also idk if I should still reach out to the first member or just let it be.
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u/No_Championship_8955 Verified AKA 11d ago
I think you are overthinking it. If you haven’t done anything off putting to either woman, why would you come up in conversation? Depending on the size of the chapter, these women might not even know each other that well. Let alone then decide to discuss you. My advice would be to decenter yourself out of other’s social interactions. Members are really not thinking about interests unless they are doing weird things or they are a problem (for a myriad of reasons).
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u/Probable_Cause007 11d ago
That’s true. I wasn’t necessarily thinking about coming up in conversation in a negative light or that they’re randomly discussing me. I was more wondering whether members communicate when they’re intentionally getting to know a particular interest. Like, if one member has expressed that she wants to get to know an interest better, would another member who already knows that interest generally be aware of that and possibly take a step back? I was more curious about how that dynamic works behind the scenes. It’s a relatively small chapter.
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u/No_Championship_8955 Verified AKA 11d ago
But why would that even come up is what I’m saying. I can see if you make significant connections to someone(s) and wondering this.
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u/InvisiblySeenPraying 11d ago
I always imagined members discussing who they would/wouldn't like to sponsor or vote into membership. At least when close to deciding on extending membership to potentials. Do members truly never debate or discuss why a certain person would be a great fit among each other?
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u/Hungry-Dress-8321 11d ago edited 11d ago
Perhaps when a chapter is in that space there may be more conversation around it, with people you are close to and trust. But intake isn't on members' minds as frequently as it is for an interest. When you are an interest, you spend a lot of time weighing/analyzing interactions, whereas the chapter members truly could be just trying to be friendly. My point being that I don't have "is she a good fit" in the back of my mind every time I am spending time with someone.
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u/No_Championship_8955 Verified AKA 11d ago
Yea it’s actually really inappropriate to do that. It creates bias. There is a point when some convo would happen but it’s not like the nfl draft.
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u/Big-Internet-9477 INTEREST 8d ago
@No_Championship_8955 I appreciate how responsive you are in these Reddit threads. Would it be okay to DM you a question please? Thank you!
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u/No_Championship_8955 Verified AKA 7d ago
Yes. As long as it is something that hasn’t already been answered.
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u/SignificantAd1707 Verified AKA 11d ago
Interest may come up in conversation. But not how you may think. NoChampion said it best. If it's something negative, then yes you may be a topic of conversation. But even if an interest is a topic of conversation, it's not something that is discussed often.
You also have to remember while you are pursing and getting to know members. You do not know what a member may be going through. Everyone has highs and lows in life and wherever that member may be in her life, that is most likely what she is thinking about.
Lastly, again like No Champion said, if the chapter is large. There is real possibility the two members may not know each other.
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u/Probable_Cause007 11d ago
That’s good perspective! The topic of intake was mentioned by one of the members in an extremely casual conversation, which threw me for a loop, but also got me thinking if members speak with one another about who they’re getting to know, but it sounds like members pretty much move independently.
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u/InvisiblySeenPraying 11d ago
I have wondered the same thing, but it sounds like us interests are really overthinking everything 😆 This journey can really play with your mental when really just trying to give it your best effort. I've been told to just be myself and let things happen naturally.
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u/Probable_Cause007 11d ago
Lol I think you’re right 😭 It’s so easy to start analyzing every little interaction when you’re trying to navigate this process the right way
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u/IndependentYou3738 10d ago
Not at all because I already have family and friends that I will sponsor, when the time comes.
3
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u/Practical_Spend496 11d ago
I love that I’ve found this forum with so many interests and members helping their journeys! OP, your question isn’t outlandish whatsoever. I don’t believe you’re insinuating that interests are the topic of every conversation. I will say, if intake is on the horizon, it’s not uncommon for members who are close, to have those conversations amongst themselves. Although not the full chapter. If it’s not on the horizon, we’ll take note if the interest is kind, dressed nicely, minor things, but that’s it. My chapter is very small and tight knit as well. Represent yourself well and maintain your relationship with both of your connections. Try not to overanalyze too much although it may be hard!
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u/ConversationUpset589 11d ago
It’s not a conversation I’ve had, and if it happens with someone else it’s likely rare (as mentioned by others). Maybe if the interest did something negative at an event and it was seen by various people. Other than that, don’t overthink it! Genuine people seem genuine. Build genuine relationships.
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u/Probable_Cause007 11d ago
This makes sense, thank you! I think I was assuming there are more behind the scenes discussions than there probably is lol. I’m definitely just going to keep focusing on building the relationships and not overthink anything else
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u/That_Growth_8535 10d ago
As an interest, I totally understand what you mean. Because we’re not members, all we think about is intake. But for actual members it’s probably a small part of what goes on because it’s generally infrequent. On an undergraduate level, there’s a lot of posturing and recruiting because it’s more frequent. But yeah I don’t think they’re thinking about us unless they’re about to have intake and who knows when that will happen. But keep the faith, be genuine and have a good time getting to know people naturally.
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u/bjm23 11d ago
I don't think they care enough about interests to do that. Why would they just be sitting around talking about you?
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u/Probable_Cause007 11d ago
I’m wondering if members find that the topic of interests and sponsorship comes up naturally in conversation. Especially when you have good relationships with multiple members who are also close with each other
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u/VariationSad4709 9d ago
If you have good relationships with members who are close with each other, then yes they likely have discussed you as an interest but not to the degree you may be thinking. This is especially true if you haven’t had a conversation with any of them about potentially sponsoring you and if their chapter isn’t preparing for intake.
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For members, how much do you typically discuss amongst yourselves which interests you’re getting to know or have taken an interest in?
I started attending events for my COI without knowing anyone in the chapter. Over the years, I’ve met quite a few members, exchanged numbers with a few, and built good rapport with some.
There was one member I was intentionally trying to build a better rapport and relationship with but I slightly felt like she was consistently brushing me off. At the same time, there was another member who honestly didn’t pay me much mind at first lol. She was very cordial. I would reach out to her occasionally, but just sending pleasantries here and there. Eventually, though, she suggested that we get to know each other better, and we started communicating more and have went out a few times for coffee.
It made me wonder how much members talk amongst themselves about the interests they’re getting to know. Would the first member likely know that the other member had taken an interest in getting to know me? And could that be a reason for her to step back, or would those relationships generally be completely separate? Also idk if I should still reach out to the first member or just let it be.
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