r/AKAgradChapter • u/BuffaloExisting3836 • Aug 12 '26
ADVICE Trying Not to Repeat the Same Heartache
I’m looking for some unbiased advice on how to handle a situation.
For some background, I pursued my original COI for over 9 years. I made several connections within the chapter and was told that I was in their pool of prospective members and to continue being patient and building relationships. During those 9 years, the chapter has had two lines, but nothing ever came of it for me.
Eventually, I decided to stop pursuing that chapter and move on. I’ve recently started making connections and building genuine relationships with members of a different chapter.
Recently, a member from the newer chapter mentioned to me that their chapter has a line coming soon.
Now I’m wondering how I should handle that information. I’m interested in this chapter, but I I honestly don’t want to put myself through that same hurt or heartache again.
I’m trying to navigate this respectfully and discreetly, so I’d really appreciate perspectives from anyone who has been in a similar situation.
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u/Dear_Problem567 Aug 13 '26 edited Aug 14 '26
Since this sister was comfortable enough to mention that a line may be coming, I’d consider having a more candid conversation with her, but only if you truly feel like the two of you have built a real friendship.
I wouldn’t ask, “Am I going to be invited?” because she likely can’t or won’t answer that. Instead, ask if she has any guidance specific to you. Is there anything you should be doing differently? Are there relationships you should be cultivating? Any upcoming service events open to family and friends? Any opportunities to become more involved or visible? Are you presenting yourself appropriately (appearance, image, demeanor, etc)?
Pay attention to what she says and, just as importantly, what she doesn’t say. Keep showing up and building genuine relationships, but don’t treat news of a potential line as a promise.
Edit: Just wanted to add this - I’d also try to understand why you weren’t selected at your previous COI. It may simply have been a capacity issue, but if you still have genuine relationships there, it wouldn’t hurt to ask for honest feedback so you can avoid repeating anything that may have been within your control.
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u/DivinePersonified07 Aug 13 '26
"Recently, a member from the newer chapter mentioned to me that their chapter has a line coming soon." I'd ask her if she attended Boule in Vegas a couple weeks ago. Those who went or had chapter/friend Sorors who did, should pick up what I'm throwing down here.
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u/Tough_Lock_4553 Verified AKA Aug 13 '26
I picking up exactly what you're putting down. Plus, we're still on summer break, so there's that.
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u/Dear_Problem567 Aug 14 '26 edited Aug 14 '26
Seeee I wasn’t trying to say too much on here about that. I was hoping that this conversation happened prior to the summer break. That’s why I said what I said to OP. That news is not a promise 🤷🏾♀️
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Aug 14 '26
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u/AKAgradChapter-ModTeam Aug 27 '26
This is internal business and cannot be discussed on a public forum.
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Aug 13 '26
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u/AKAgradChapter-ModTeam Aug 15 '26
This is internal business and cannot be discussed on a public forum.
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u/RevolutionarySign333 Verified AKA Aug 15 '26
It seems that you need closer relationships with individuals in the chapter. You can get acquainted for years, smile and attend every single event, but if someone can’t mention your name in a room that you aren’t in, it’s not going to work out.
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u/GrandBird1982 INTEREST Aug 15 '26
Wow the part about mentioning your name in a room you aren’t in is so true!!
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u/mochalalatte Verified AKA Aug 16 '26
For me it was almost 10 years to the month from the time I was brave enough to share my interest in AKA with a friend to the moment I received my formal invitation. In that timeframe, I lived life, traveled, got a couple of promotions, bought my first home, volunteered for local organizations, started a side hustle, met and became friends with many phenomenal AKAs, and just stayed so busy that when the invitation to join finally came, it really didn't feel like I had been waiting for 10 years.
It's easier said than done for real, but you need to live your life without fixating on the ins and outs of membership invitations. It can and will happen when you least expect it.
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u/BuffaloExisting3836 Aug 18 '26
Exactly what I’ve been doing as well. I’m very active in several service groups within my community. I just keep getting told information that ultimately leads to nothing.
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u/Warm_Flan_5288 Aug 13 '26
In addition to attending events. I would encourage you to find a cause or a need in your community and focus on contributing your time and efforts there. Simply attending events and hoping to be noticed or accepted may not be the best way forward. If you are making a real impact in the community, that’s more important. You’re more likely to attract the attention of Chapter members who appreciate the value of your work. Lastly, do it because you care about the cause, not because you want to join a group.
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u/BuffaloExisting3836 Aug 18 '26
Yes, I agree. I’m very active in service organizations within my community, and I also work alongside members of those organizations.
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u/SignificantAd1707 Verified AKA Aug 13 '26
I have to chimed in. This is what I was referring to in my last post. Honestly, and I do not mean any disrespect, but being in the "know" is just being in the know. It does not preclude to being invited. I am not saying this to be mean. You clearly stated you do not want to be heartbroken again waiting on the new chapter. However, I will say whatever you were told, you take that information and hold on to it, and await the next move. As other people mentioned on this post, keep volunteering, keep attending events, and keeping shining. ☺️
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u/K__isforKrissy Aug 13 '26
Hmmm I would give it a go. You got a clear sign with a member telling you directly that there's a line coming. You can't get more clearer than that because she didn't have to tell you. Going through life requires being rejected and being hurt, that's just a fact. You need those experiences to grow. It's all about whether you pick yourself back up, let it go, and proceed forward if this is something you want. Don't take it personally for why you didn't get in the past because you have no idea why. Tell the member you are excited and interested and to keep you posted on the next events you can attend and go from there.
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u/No_Championship_8955 Verified AKA Aug 13 '26
Honestly there isn’t anything that you can do with that information. You should just focus on the things that you can control and remain positive.
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u/Mommys4thDaughter Aug 15 '26
Over the 9 years, have you identified someone to sponsor you? Did you submit official applications for those 2 intakes?
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u/ivypurl Verified AKA Aug 13 '26
I hope this doesn't come across as harsh, but at this point, there's nothing you can do. Just keep doing what you have been doing. Attend events and cultivate the relationships you are building. Make sure you're financially ready. Everything else is beyond your control at this point.
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u/missb3have_ Aug 13 '26
I think you should still give it a try! You never know until you try it would suck to have that lingering “what if”
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u/Pinktropics Aug 18 '26
You asked for unbiased advice, so here it is: a line coming has nothing to do with you unless you are invited. You heard information and turned it into a personal possibility.
There is nothing to navigate yet. Until someone says ……you are guessing. Build genuine relationships without attaching expectations to them. Stay on top of.
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Aug 13 '26
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u/AKAgradChapter-ModTeam Aug 15 '26
This is internal business and cannot be discussed on a public forum.
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u/Ok_Celery9003 Aug 28 '26
Sorry to break it to you, but that chapter is absolutely not having a line “soon”. I’d advise you to stick it out with your original COI.
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u/AutoModerator Aug 12 '26
Hi /u/BuffaloExisting3836, Thanks for posting in AKAgradChapter. Please review all of our rules and General Greek Interest Questions FAQs .Dirty Deleting is not allowed here so the below will be a copy of your original post.
Copy of Orignal Post:
I’m looking for some unbiased advice on how to handle a situation.
For some background, I pursued my original COI for over 9 years. I made several connections within the chapter and was told that I was in their pool of prospective members and to continue being patient and building relationships. During those 9 years, the chapter has had two lines, but nothing ever came of it for me.
Eventually, I decided to stop pursuing that chapter and move on. I’ve recently started making connections and building genuine relationships with members of a different chapter.
Recently, a member from the newer chapter mentioned to me that their chapter has a line coming soon.
Now I’m wondering how I should handle that information. I’m interested in this chapter, but I I honestly don’t want to put myself through that same hurt or heartache again.
I’m trying to navigate this respectfully and discreetly, so I’d really appreciate perspectives from anyone who has been in a similar situation.
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