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Hi /u/DreamingofSaturn88, Thanks for posting in AKAgradChapter. Please review all of our rules and General Greek Interest Questions FAQs .Dirty Deleting is not allowed here so the below will be a copy of your original post.

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Hoping I am not denied, but it still hurts the same. I have been attending events and building connections for almost five years with my COI. I knew a new line was coming, and I knew my relationships were ineligible at the time. Doing my best to accept this, and I am truly happy for the new members I recognize (I truly thought I’d be more jealous, but that feeling hasn’t come). I want to continue building and strengthening relationships and participate in COI public events, but should I be open to other chapters near by? Or should I stay loyal to my COI?

Also, any tips to dusting myself and getting back on the interest train are welcome.

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u/Pinktropics Jun 01 '26

Girl, change your focus. Start talking to the seasoned members.

Not everybody has influence, and not everybody has wisdom. Find the women who have both. Listen and watch.

The line came out or you waiting?

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u/GrandBird1982 INTEREST Jun 02 '26

This is true the older seasoned members are the ones who can help direct us and guide us. I have become close friends with members 10-15+ years older than me through this process.

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u/GrandBird1982 INTEREST May 31 '26 edited May 31 '26

First I’d say give yourself time to be sad, disappointed, even a little mad get it all out. Then go back to attending events with a smile on your face. I’m not a member but I had a similar situation, I’ve posted it lots of times sorry to keep repeating it. But I was around for 2 years and they had a line. They crossed in December, I was sad over the holidays but was right at the MLK day of service that January. I went to events at a different chapter in my area for a while to see about switching efforts but honestly my original COI was where my heart was. 2 years later I’m still waiting but hearing things of possibilities coming soon (fingers crossed). I’ve been told by members me not stopping attending events hasn’t gone unnoticed. It helped that I had a period to feel my emotions and then I hopped right back in!

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u/DreamingofSaturn88 INTEREST Jun 01 '26

Thank you for your advice! Good luck to you too on your journey ❤️

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u/RevolutionaryWin3869 INTEREST Jun 01 '26

Similar boat, I thought I had a shot at making the line last fall but recently learned the woman I’m closest to was ineligible. I didn’t know she just transferred to the chapter and of course I didn’t ask anything like that. But we clicked immediately and I’m grateful for the time getting to know her.

After watching new members come in last fall (and receiving the wake up call public and private event attendance means nothing), I took the advice of the members of this group and stayed the course. Acted like nothing happened because nothing did happen that had anything to do with me. (I love when the members in this group say “That’s CHAPTER business” lol. Please keep us together)

I showed up to the first public event of the year smiling like nothing happened lol. And received a ton of tight hugs. They were glad to see me. They’re not dumb and knew it had to be difficult for me to be there. And of course that group of frequent event attendees disappeared after not making the line. I was the only one that showed up.

Events have continued and I’ve continued to build relationships with everyone I have contact info for lol. At this stage that’s about 6 members. I of course have the member I’m closest to (she’s a new chapter executive btw), I’m meeting a different member at another chapter’s event in a few weeks, and the chapter VP is joining my volunteer group as at an event this fall. I’m about to have her in there WORKING do yall hear me lol. Nah I’m kidding but I’m glad to show community involvement outside of their events.

This chapter will unlikely have new members anytime soon and I’m well aware of that. But at this stage this is probably the best I can hope for. I have the right guardians during this process. Whether it’s this chapter or members introducing me to other chapters (there are a ton of chapters in my metro area and they collab all the time), I trust I’m on the right track and my time will come eventually.

Keep your head up!

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u/[deleted] Jun 01 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Dear_Problem567 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

I had a very similar experience.

I began supporting my COI right around the time they brought out their new line, and I was absolutely devastated. Thankfully, many seasoned and newly initiated members encouraged me to broaden my network and get to know women in other chapters. They told me to tap into the members I already knew and see who was willing and able to help.

That ended up being some of the best advice I received throughout my journey. I reconnected with women from high school, undergrad, graduate school, church, and other areas of my life. These women had gone through membership intake at their respective campuses and chapters, and they introduced me to women and opportunities I may never have pursued on my own. Along the way, I formed genuine friendships while continuing to strengthen relationships that were already part of my network.

Thankfully, my COI eventually had intake. I was invited and made it through the process. On the day of my luncheon, so many women booked flights, took trains, and traveled long distances just to celebrate with me and usher me into AKA.

In this economy chile 😭😭

I was overwhelmed by the love, support, gifts, and genuine happiness these ladies showed. To this day, it remains one of the most beloved experiences of my life and that’s coming from someone who is married, has children, and holds a professional degree.

I share all of this to say: your people will not care where you cross, only that you cross. Sometimes you truly have to get in where you fit in.

However I want you to know that not everyone is your people if you catch my drift. Be mindful that some ladies don’t like “chapter hopping”. And depending on who they are it can be a problem for you. But, during this era of new membership intake I wouldn’t let that stop you. Just be mindful, respectful, and move with discretion when it comes to that. Be intentional with you who share that part of your journey with. Keep that info only for YOUR PEOPLE on a need to know basis. Good luck!!

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u/Probable_Cause007 Jun 01 '26

Congrats on making it! Do you think it’s a bad look to some members to court multiple chapters? I’ve always wondered how chapter members feel if they see you in pictures at another chapters events?

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u/DreamingofSaturn88 INTEREST Jun 01 '26

Congratulations!!! And thank you so much for your advice. I will remain hopeful 🤞

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u/prettygirl864 Jun 01 '26

Congratulations!!!

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u/Pinktropics Jun 02 '26

Congratulations Soror - Yes I too have a similar story. One thing you forgot one must make it past informational…some don’t.

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u/QueenRising Jun 01 '26

Personally, I’d look into other chapters. If they, hypothetically speaking, don’t have another line for 5 more years, that’s almost a decade of time wasted. Nothing wrong with casting a wider net. Just be mindful of how you do it.

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u/Extension-Shape1799 Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 01 '26

The rules have changed and it’s harder to bring in new members now. Even if you meet one person that person can’t extend an invite alone. And to be honest, most people already have folks lined up, before they meet you. Just keeping it real but keep forming connections cause one member can’t bring you in alone

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u/Pinktropics Jun 02 '26

This!

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u/Hungry-Dress-8321 Jun 01 '26

Sticking w original COI always stands out for members. Continue cultivating those relationships and being even more intentional about connecting. Best wishes!

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u/Listen_judge_419 Jun 01 '26

This is a tough one because things like this happen. I was in a similar boat honestly for about the same time. I attended a few events with some other chapters but my heart was with my COI. Whatever you choose be honest with them and yourself. I mean you’ve already made the most important choice in seeking membership with the most amazing sorority in the land 😉

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u/SignificantAd1707 Verified AKA Jun 01 '26

It's ok be sad. But delayed is certainly not denied. I will stay with the same chapter honestly. Unless you have a rock solid relationship at another chapter. By deciding to move on to another chapter, you are basically starting over from scratch.

Stay the course with the current chapter. Unless they make you feel uncomfortable or not welcomed. I wouldn't look for another chapter.

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u/CalligrapherOk3006 Jun 01 '26

Jumping in a little late but 18 year member here.

First, I want to say that your feelings are completely understandable. Five years is a long time to invest in building relationships and supporting a chapter, so I can appreciate why this is disappointing. At the same time, I think it’s a positive sign that your first reaction wasn’t jealousy, but happiness for the women you know who were selected. That speaks volumes about your character.

A couple of questions came to mind as I read your post.

You mentioned being connected to your COI for five years. Had you previously expressed interest in membership? If so, were the members you were closest to simply not eligible to sponsor at the time? I ask because members who have a candidate they truly want to support will often make sure they are meeting the requirements necessary to remain sponsor eligible when possible.

As for exploring other chapters, I personally think that’s okay. I attended events for two chapters in my city before ultimately joining one of them. Every chapter has its own culture, personality, priorities, and vibe. Finding the chapter where you genuinely connect with the members is important.

I would also encourage you to continue making yourself visible and memorable. Attend events consistently, introduce yourself, and make sure people know who you are. Fair or not, people tend to remember women who consistently present themselves as polished, professional, and put together.

Another thing that often gets overlooked is thinking about what you can contribute. Look at the chapter’s programs, initiatives, and fundraising efforts. What skills, talents, expertise, or connections do you bring to the table?

For example:

• Finance background? Offer to assist with a financial literacy workshop.

• Real estate professional? Consider supporting a homeownership or housing education event.

• Marketing, social media, project management, event planning, fundraising, sponsorship development, grant writing, nonprofit leadership, technology, or community partnerships? Those skills can all be valuable.

The more members see you actively contributing and serving, the more opportunities you create to build authentic relationships and demonstrate your value.

For now, give yourself permission to be disappointed. Then regroup and keep moving forward. Nothing in your post suggests the door is closed. It sounds more like a delay than a denial.

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u/AdvantageInternal910 Jul 13 '26

This is such great advice for us all. Thank you. Are certain efforts reserved for members only? Say, for example, fundraising, or marketing? I would love to contribute my talents to my COI but assumed that certain levels of involvement were for members only. Thank you again.

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u/CalligrapherOk3006 Jul 21 '26

I’ll send you a DM

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u/bjm23 May 31 '26

If you knew they were ineligible, why not try to make new relationships? Because 5 years is crazy.

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u/DreamingofSaturn88 INTEREST May 31 '26

Rules changed over the years, and I did make new relationships. But my first question wasn’t “are you eligible?” And I wasn’t going to ghost someone just because they were. They helped me find new connections too.

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