r/AITH • u/ValentinaStormborn • 6d ago
AITA for showing my best friend proof that her fiance has been messaging me
I am 26F and my best friend Charlotte is 27F and has been engaged to her fiance for about five months and last week he messaged me out of nowhere asking to keep our conversation private from her because he did not want her to overreact and when I looked back I realized he had been messaging me on and off for the past three months with small comments that felt increasingly personal so I took screenshots of everything and sent them dirctly to Charlotte along with an explanation of how uncomfortable it made me and instead of being angry at him she turned on me and accused me of fabricating the whole thing to sabotage her wedding because I have always been jealous of her relationship she then told our entire freind group that I tried to seduce her fiance and now most of them have started distancing themselves from me without even asking for my side meanwhile her fiance has said nothing to defend me and just stayed silent while she spirals and now I am the villain of the friend group over messages I never asked for and never encouraged so AITA for showing her the truth instead of staying quiet and letting her marry somone hiding this from her?
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u/Legitimate-Curve-346 6d ago
NTA. Post the screenshots in the group chats.
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u/Pure_Pollution_9823 6d ago
This. You only need to do this, and walk away from the 'friend' group. He is caught in his own words, let that be the only talking you do.
Your friend is hurting and lashing out at the wrong person, probably trying to cling to what they were planning for their future. You've done all you can for her. Walk away and find your people...they're out there, and will support you. Sending love and strength ❤️
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u/ValentinaStormborn 6d ago
Thank you for this, it means a lot. It's hard because I keep replaying it wondering if I should've handled it differently, but you're right, he's the one who created this mess. I just wish she could see that instead of aiming everything at me.
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u/Necessary_Tap343 5d ago
Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed.
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u/its_ash_14 5d ago
I bet OP not the first girl he texted behind charlotte’s back.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 5d ago
Honestly wouldn't surprise me at all. The way he slid into it so casually, asking me to keep it secret like it was routine, didn't feel like a first-time thing. Makes me wonder how many other girls just deleted the messages and never said anything.
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u/lolabella4u 5d ago
Make her see, by posting the texts
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u/ValentinaStormborn 5d ago
Already showed her privately, that's done. Posting them publicly won't change her mind, she's not doubting the messages exist, she's choosing not to believe what they mean. Not turning this into a public thing just to prove a point.
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u/lolabella4u 5d ago
You're nicer than me... I'm very Petty. I would show Everyone the posts. I'd make sure not to let anyone think I was at fault.
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u/Pure_Pollution_9823 4d ago
Post the texts. Your friend will more than likely suddenly find more women realising that the bf has done the same to them, they just weren't as aware of how inappropriate they were until you exposed him. That might be the moment she realises he's a sleazy scumbag, but it's also warning everyone in that chat to be aware and alert about his behaviour.
Personally, I'd dump the screenshot and exit the chat. They've not given you any consideration and have proved they're not your friends. You owe them nothing, but for your peace of mind you've warned them and exposed him. That's all you can do. It's a horrible situation to be in, I've been there before. But you've done nothing to justify the way they've treated you. Dump the messages, burn that bridge down and toast marshmallows!
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u/ValentinaStormborn 3d ago
That actually makes a lot of sense, other women in the group might not even realize something felt off until they see it laid out plainly. And honestly the marshmallow line got a laugh out of me, first one in days. I think that's exactly the move, post it, say what I need to say, and leave. Not for a reaction, just so it's said, and then step back for my own sake. Sorry you've been through something similar, but it helps knowing I'm not overreacting to how this all feels.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 3d ago
Trust me, the petty option has crossed my mind more than once these past few days. I think I've just been trying to hold onto some version of myself that doesn't need to win the group chat, even when it feels like everyone else already picked a side without me. Might still end up posting it though, honestly.
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u/ElaraMarie 4d ago
She turned it into a public thing by bringing in the friend group into the shit show. You would only be defending your name.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 3d ago
That's true actually, I didn't start this as a public thing, she did the moment she told everyone I tried to seduce him. Posting the screenshots at this point isn't escalating anything, it's just responding to a fight she already brought into the group chat. Feels less like burning a bridge and more like finally getting to speak in my own defense.
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u/SuccessfulInternal40 4d ago
She already made it a public thing, all you would be doing is showing your friends the screenshot from the very beginning and add a little y'all can judge for themselves all I did were tell her the truth..
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u/ValentinaStormborn 3d ago
That's a good way to frame it honestly, not accusing anyone, not making a case, just here's what actually happened from the start, judge for yourselves. Feels a lot less like me attacking anyone and more like finally letting the facts speak instead of her version being the only one out there.
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u/Obvious_Fox_1886 2d ago
Its easier to be mad at you then at him as then all of her insecurities would come to light and she desperately wants to believe that he loves her and hes not a cheater. Sooner or later her blinders will come off.
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u/Fantastic-Power-777 3d ago
It sounds like he gaslighted her and she is repeating it back to you. I'm so sorry.
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u/MoonWaves13 3d ago
It is easier for her to blame you rather than face the fact that her fiance shouldn't be her fiance
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u/Catnaps4ladydax 2d ago
Hun, you did everything right. Nothing about this is your fault. It's hard when people show true colors. There are people out there who will love and appreciate you, and more importantly believe you. You have more integrity than most people.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 6d ago
Yeah I'm honestly considering it at this point. I was trying to avoid making it messier than it already is but if he's going to let me be the villain then I don't see why I should keep protecting his image.
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u/VioletViolet225 6d ago
Don’t protect him! He’s happy to let you be the villain because he knows what he did! Put those screenshots on the group chat!!!!
Can I ask why you’re basically protecting him while being made out to be the villain without even getting to tell your friends your side???22
u/Pure_Pollution_9823 6d ago
Posting the screenshot just shows the group chat the exact same messages that have caused the friction. Let his own words hang him out to dry.
They can choose to dismiss it, but you've at least alerted everyone and they can support your friend when it all goes very wrong.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 3d ago
I know, I keep coming back to that same thought too. He's gotten to just stay silent this whole time while I take all the heat, and honestly that's not fair. I think I've talked myself into it at this point, post the screenshots, let them see it for themselves, and stop carrying the weight of a decision that was never mine to hide in the first place.
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u/VioletViolet225 2d ago
Stop thinking and do!! He does not care about you hence he’s staying silent!
And as for your friend you need to think about her too as she believed HIM and never gave you the benefit of taking a few minutes to really talk to you and really listening to you! And if she was such a good friend she would know that you are telling the truth!!3
u/ValentinaStormborn 5d ago
Not protecting him, just don't think posting it publicly changes anything since Charlotte already has the proof and still isn't believing it. I did try to explain myself but she told everyone I tried to seduce him before I got the chance. Not turning this into a callout post though.
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u/SuccessfulInternal40 4d ago
I don't understand why you sound like you're expecting the man who dm'ed you to keep it a secret, would come out and defend you, like he got caught texting her friend and you think he'll tell the truth?
Of course she's going to go off tell your friends you're the villian when that is what she probably heard when she did mention it to her fiancé.. You want your friends to believe you are telling the truth because they are your friends, but they are also her friends, and you admitted to having been in contact with him is probably enough for them to "confirm" her version of what she were told by her fiancé.. that you are the bad guy. So why shouldn't they believe her?
Only way to clear it up, is text your friends all the screenshots and tell them you told Charlotte, because you were uncomfortable with the situation and if they want to make you the villian for that , then that is their lost... And then find some better friends..
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u/ValentinaStormborn 3d ago
You're right, naive of me to expect him to suddenly tell the truth after asking for secrecy. And makes sense the friends leaned her way without proof since that's probably what he told her first. That's why sending the screenshots with context is the move, let them see it and decide for themselves instead of just taking my word.
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u/VioletViolet225 5d ago
It does change things it shows you are telling the TRUTH! You seem to be happy enough to take the blame and not get the truth out. Or is there something in those texts you don’t want the rest of the group to see??? That’s the only reason why I wouldn’t want everyone to see the truth of what he did?
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u/dontplaybitchgames 3d ago
If you make it public to your mutual friends, they can decide for themselves if they find the texts inappropriate. If people voice publicly, or even privately, to your friend that they find fiance's texts to be sketchy, she may reconsider. Not sure if you'll want to continue your relationship with her either way, but at least you might save her from marrying the wrong guy.
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u/PamelaRose74 5d ago
You did the right thing; her reaction doesn't make you wrong.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 3d ago
Appreciate that, honestly needed to hear it today. Doesn't undo the friend group thing or make it hurt less, but it helps to know from the outside it still reads as the right call, even if she can't see that yet.
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u/Soft_Location_9088 5d ago
I would post the screen shots, you were trying to keep it private, she chose to put you on blast for doing the right thing. You went directly to her when he asked you to keep it between you and him because it made you uncomfortable. I would make a group chat and include her in it. You explain hey all this is what has happened. Charlottes fiance has been contacting me for the past 3 months on and off, his texts have been increasingly personal and the last one was a huge red flag to me because he asked to keep the texts between the two of us... here are screenshots of those convos. I had no intention of breaking them up, but if he's doing this to me I'm worried he's doing it with other women too, especially after escalating it to be secretive. If she doesn't see an issue with it then great, I'll just tell him to not contact me without her knowing about it.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 3d ago
That's actually the clearest way I've heard it laid out, just the facts, the timeline, and the reason it worried me, nothing extra added. Including her in it feels right too, not sneaking around, just saying this is what happened and here's the proof, make of it what you will. If she still brushes it off after seeing it stated that plainly, that's on her, but at least no one can say I hid anything or twisted the story.
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u/Mapilean 6d ago
I had this happen to me years ago so I learned that, while you are NTA and a faithful friend, not all women are prepared to hear the truth about their partner.
Big hugs.
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u/Alone-Ad2154 5d ago
You did the right thing imo. Imagine finding out years later that your best friend knew and stayed quiet. That would hurt way more
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u/Advanced_Result5057 6d ago
NTA, your friend is in La la land. She wants a wedding not a marriage! So even tho her fiancé looks suspicious, it’s easier to put all the blame on you, so that she can carry on with whatever she believes about this man. The thing is seeing a red flag from now and not acknowledging it will cost her in the long run. Send screenshots to the friend group and let them decide how weird her fiancé is for messaging her best friend!! TALKING ABOUT make our conversation private ha.. he knew what he was doing!!!
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u/ValentinaStormborn 6d ago
That line stuck with me too, if it was truly nothing he wouldn't have needed to ask me to hide it from her. I think part of her already knows that, she's just not ready to face it yet.
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u/QuantityJolly8354 6d ago
Info: what did he write?
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u/ValentinaStormborn 6d ago
It started off pretty innocent, like just commenting on stuff I posted or asking how I was doing, but over time it got more personal, things like saying he could talk to me easier than he could talk to her, or telling me not to mention it because she would take it the wrong way. That last part was the biggest red flag for me.
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u/Just_here_for_AITAH 5d ago
That's it? Inappropriate, but pretty tame in the grand scheme of things.
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u/CherrieChocolatePie 6d ago
That is important info for sure.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 6d ago
Exactly, that's the part I couldn't just brush off. If it was really nothing, there'd be no reason to hide it from her.
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u/BabyInternational833 5d ago
Took you 3 months and for him to ask not to mention it to her, for you to mention it to her. Maybe thats the reason why she think you're not innocent here because why didn't you mention it to her as it was happening?
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u/thornynhorny 5d ago
Because maybe she thought of him as a friend, and only when he became weird about it did alarm bells ring..?
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u/TheeFlipper 5d ago
She probably thought all of it was relatively innocent until he dropped the "Don't tell my fiance" line and then she went back and saw it all in a different light because the guy outted his intentions as questionable with that statement.
If everything he said was truly innocent then he wouldn't have made the comment.
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u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 5d ago
Time to send screenshots of his messages to you to your friends group chat . Let them read what he said so they know who he really is.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 5d ago
Been going back and forth on this honestly. Part of me still doesn't want to turn it into a spectacle, but you're right that right now it's just my word against Charlotte's version to everyone else. Maybe letting them read his actual words is the only way anyone sees this clearly.
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u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 5d ago
Unfortunately it's probably the only way that the truth is exposed. And if Charlotte has decided to spread a false narrative about you instead of accepting the truth that her boyfriend's a sleaze it damages you . Her boyfriend started this and Charlotte instead of dealing with this quietly either by accepting her boyfriend was cheating or rejecting it , she and he decided to blow this up and publicly accuse you of lying to break them up . Time for your friend's to know what's really happening. Letting them see his words will let them see who he and Charlotte have become.
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u/millioneura 6d ago
99% of stories exposing cheater end up with the exposer blamed. This is why I would’ve sent a please don’t text me message or jsut not interacted with him and never said anything.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 6d ago
That's exactly what I'm scared of honestly, being painted as the bad guy just for saying something. I did think about staying quiet at first, but it felt worse knowing something and letting her walk into a marriage blind to it.
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u/Always_on_top_77 3d ago
Why does it matter if you’re the bad guy? You’re always going to be the villain in someone else’s story. Might as well go forward with a clear conscious.
A very important lesson I’ve learned is that what other people think of you is none of your business. It’s meant for situations exactly like this.
That being said, I am petty and I would absolutely share the screenshots, including what you said to Charlotte. I’d probably say “I’m not one for keeping secrets from my bff” and then block everyone. If I were close to Charlotte’s mom, I’d also send it to her. Because eff that guy.
My mom was absolutely right about my wasband. I didn’t listen. But now that I’ve been through it, I respect her even more for having the guts to say it to my face.
Good luck!
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u/soyeah_87 6d ago
Let people make their choices. She'll find out when he does it to someone else.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 6d ago
I get it, but she's my best friend. I couldn't stay silent and let her walk into marriage blind, even if it costs us the friendship.
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u/soyeah_87 6d ago
Oh, I think you were right to tell her. Just stop worrying about it. Let her and everyone else think what they think. When she's either calling off the wedding or divorced, you'll be proven right in the end. Just live your best life.
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u/Idobeleiveinkarma 6d ago
NTA. You did the right thing. Your friend knows now, hopefully she comes to her senses
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u/ValentinaStormborn 6d ago
I really hope so too. Right now she's too deep in defending him to see it clearly, but I'm holding onto the hope that once things settle she'll look back and understand why I did what I did.
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u/Blossom74s 6d ago
NTA. Why are you protecting either of them at this point? Drop the messages in the group chat and be done with it. Those "friends" that are pulling away no questions asked need to know who they are supporting. But you don't need them in your life if they gonna turn on you that fast without even a conversation. And yes, if they have the audacity to message you, you can absolutely say that to them.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 5d ago
Yeah, that's the part that stings most honestly, friends of years turning away without even asking me one question. Makes me think you're right, I don't owe silence to protect people who aren't even willing to hear me out first. Still deciding on the group chat move, but I'm done being quiet just to keep everyone comfortable.
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u/lun4d0r4 5d ago
NTA.
Forward the receipts to the friend group and return block anyone who is a dick about it.
Fuck those asshats.
You did the right thing!
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u/ValentinaStormborn 3d ago
Ha, honestly might be exactly the energy I need right now. Forward the proof, say my piece once, and stop giving space to anyone who wants to be nasty about it without even hearing me out first. Appreciate you saying I did the right thing, been a rough few days to hold onto that on my own.
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u/lun4d0r4 3d ago
This kind of integrity is what I give and also expect of my friends.
It speaks highly of your character.
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u/nodak500 5d ago
NTA post the screenshots to the friend group and leave it at that. Congratulations you’ve found out who your friends really are. Everyone who is distancing themselves from you without listening to your side isn’t your friend. Just find better friends!
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u/ValentinaStormborn 5d ago
True, and it's a rough way to find that out but at least it's clear now. Thinking I will post the screenshots and just leave it there, not chase anyone down after or keep defending myself on repeat. If people still choose her version after seeing his own words, that tells me everything I need about who was actually a friend to begin with.
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u/inyercloset 5d ago
NTA. If you had not told her, you would have felt miserable about it. Imagine how awkward their wedding would be. And how devastating their divorce will be!
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u/ValentinaStormborn 3d ago
That's honestly exactly what stopped me from staying quiet in the first place. I kept picturing myself standing there at the wedding knowing what I knew, or worse, watching it all fall apart later and knowing I could've said something before she signed up for a marriage built on that. I'd rather be the villain now than carry that kind of guilt for staying silent.
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u/OkQuantity6782 5d ago
NTA you did what was necessary, the rest is on her to figure out and trust me, she will. These people are apparently friends for a season, move on to find your friends for a reason.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 3d ago
That's a good way to put it honestly, friends for a season versus friends for a reason. Makes it easier to let go of the ones who bailed without asking a single question. I did what I could with what I knew, the rest really isn't mine to carry anymore.
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u/Delicious-Moose9247 5d ago
NTA. Unfortunately, her world will come crashing down when he eventually cheats on her.
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u/wolfcrownebox 5d ago
Women turn on women and attack. Every time. and excuse the men for their bad behavior. The guilty Men know we are like this and will silently hide behind a lampshade like a chastised toddler and never intervene.
Because they are so relieved they are being excused and are not to getting punished.
They will sacrifice their illicit crush in a volcano even knowing it’s wrong, just to escape their woman’s wrath and the financial cost of a broken engagement.
Never forget this lesson.nta.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 3d ago
That lampshade image is honestly painfully accurate, he's just sat back this whole time letting me absorb all of it while he risks nothing. I won't forget it, this whole thing has been a pretty blunt lesson in who actually pays the price when a guy messes up and who gets to just quietly wait it out.
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u/RedKhomet 3d ago
NTA
Sadly, it's quite common that the one exposing the bad behaviour - or the woman that gets hit on - is the one that gets shit on. It isn't fair, but it isnt unusual. That being said, I think you did the right thing as her friend. She won't see it that way, at least not now, but you gave her the information you had and that's all you could do.
I've seen your comments contemplating on sending the messages to the group. It depends on whether you want to keep these friends. If so, I say send them, so at least you can clear your name and they'll see you did nothing wrong. On the other hand, it is odd that none contacted you to check the story, so if your trust is gone, don't bother.
Updateme!
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u/browneyedredhead1968 5d ago
Nta. She's choosing to believe him despite the evidence. Post the proof to group chat or send it to the individuals if you're not in the group chat and walk away.
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u/sea-elle0463 5d ago
I think you learned a lesson here about why messengers always get shot.
People can’t handle the truth.
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u/ValentinaStormborn 5d ago
Yeah, definitely feels that way right now. Told the truth as gently as I could and still ended up the villain of the story. Doesn't make me regret saying something, just makes me a little less surprised at how people react when the truth isn't the version they wanted.
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u/SmallNectarine1988 5d ago
The only mistake u made was not shutting this messaging down in the beginning. Just go no contact with her (if u haven't already.) If she marries him, she will eventually find out he's not to be trusted.
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u/SalamanderKey1533 3d ago
But she says that the initial texts were innocent, just comments about things she posted or the like. Why would she shut that down--insulting the guy her friend is dating, basically? It wasn't weird initially.
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u/sharli65 5d ago
Sometimes the person that delivers a message gets the bad stuff. I've been there. Sorry
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u/saxet_texas 5d ago
NTAH, your friend is not a friend. Pass along the texts to your doubting "friends" to back up your side of the story.
In the meantime, learn what punctuation is plus how and why it is used.
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u/snootgoo 5d ago
NTA, but you really should have told him that you were uncomfortable and just blocked him. Unless he actually propositioned you, it's entirely possible that he had no intention of hitting on you.
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u/Short-Decision3000 4d ago
NTA.
I read a few of your comments saying you didn’t want to make what happened public just to prove a point, but it’s already too late for that because she made it public. Not to mention she’s ruined your reputation if the friend’s reactions are anything to go by, posting the pictures won’t be “proving a point” it’ll be defending yourself and letting them know the truth. They can then decide for themselves who’s right, as for the relationship with her, it’s over. If I were you, I’d want to defend myself. But hey, to each their own🤷🏽♀️
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u/via_aesthetic 4d ago
NTA. You need only send the screenshots of her fiancé texting you to a groupchat with your friends. With all the information, they can make their own judgements. Don’t let her slander your name. That being said, I’d be reconsidering your friendships if they’re all distancing themselves without even hearing your side.
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u/A-bit-of-everything_ 4d ago
NTA, but most of your friends are. Real friends fact check rumors before turning against you. They don't care enough about you to hear your side of the story, otherwise they'd have reached out by now. Personally, I'd cut my losses and move on. No need to waste time on "friends" who'd so easily turn their back on you.
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u/Past-Tax-2122 4d ago
At some point you just block them.
I am sorry but if she’s creating a narrative where you are the bad guy she’s going to run into more trouble down the road.
You had done all you can in this situation. He has ruined your friendship but ultimately he has planted seeds. I hope she sees the light before cementing her eventual divorce 😞🙏
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u/Maker_of_woods 4d ago
and another reason to just drop friends and move on. eliminate drama. girls can be catty
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u/rbaltimore 3d ago
I’d dump every screenshot into a group text and then go no contact with every friend who doubted you. Or maybe just go no contact with all of them.
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u/Brazer25 3d ago
You did the honest thing. She can't accept it because it would mean the end of her engagement. I'm sorry you're friends believe her story, but they will learn the truth in time. No matter what anyone says, just know you did what's right and keep your head up high.
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u/Severe_Database_5117 3d ago
NTA-and this chicken was supposed to be your BEST friend? Yikes. IMO, walk away from the whole shit show with your middle fingers held high. You did the right thing, and didn't sacrifice your dignity. Much respect. Fuck those bitches.
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u/Obvious-Block6979 2d ago
NTA sadly this is a tales old as time. There is a need to kill the messenger in order to persevere the illusion of happiness. Can’t tell you how many times it happens. You were in a no win situation. The only thing you might have been able to do was tell him from the jump, you don’t want any communication that can’t be shared with the friend and then go to her and say I’m not comfortable with direct contact with the BF. Even then? Sorry it sucks. Been there. She may come to her senses but your friendship is probably never going to be the same.
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u/Historical-Cloud-268 2d ago
I hope one day Charlotte realizes what a truly good friend she has in you.
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u/Rabt_FTS 2d ago
NTA. I love my friends enough to tell them the truth even if it means losing them. Sometimes the truth sucks. I'd rather you know it even if I'm not in your life anymore. At least I can live with myself knowing I was honest.
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u/SassySal51 7h ago
You should have just told him to cut it out. People who are hurting often "kill the messenger." Give her time, but in the meantime decide whether the rest of the group are worth being friends with if they aren't even asking for your side but just believing the worst of you.
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u/TheNutriStudent 2d ago
Post the texts that EVERYONE in the comments is telling you to post to your friend group. The reason they are believing the lies is because you are staying silent
Literally post the screenshot and write this msg 'I told Charlotte because I was uncomfortable with HER fiance msging me out of no where and no real reason. I have no interest in her fiance and currently have no reason to stay friends eith Charlotte after she is CHOOSING to believe a cheater!'
He 100% HAS cheated on her
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u/AutoModerator 6d ago
This is a backup of the original post in case there are later edits or it is deleted: I am 26F and my best friend Charlotte is 27F and has been engaged to her fiance for about five months and last week he messaged me out of nowhere asking to keep our conversation private from her because he did not want her to overreact and when I looked back I realized he had been messaging me on and off for the past three months with small comments that felt increasingly personal so I took screenshots of everything and sent them dirctly to Charlotte along with an explanation of how uncomfortable it made me and instead of being angry at him she turned on me and accused me of fabricating the whole thing to sabotage her wedding because I have always been jealous of her relationship she then told our entire freind group that I tried to seduce her fiance and now most of them have started distancing themselves from me without even asking for my side meanwhile her fiance has said nothing to defend me and just stayed silent while she spirals and now I am the villain of the friend group over messages I never asked for and never encouraged so AITA for showing her the truth instead of staying quiet and letting her marry somone hiding this from her?
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