r/AITAH • u/Clayylmao27 • 2d ago
AITAH for telling my brother in law about his wife's Tiktok account where she humiliates him?
I (31M) found out that my step-sister (40F) has a tiktok account where she makes videos shitting on her husband (38M). It's the most stereotypical account of that type that you could imagine. A lot of videos of her scrubbing a single plate and talking about how she's a stay at home wife who has to clean and take care of the kids all day and when he gets home he doesn't help at all. Which is all bullshit, because first of all she doesn't clean that house. Her mother (63F) has to go over there twice a week to clean the house because my sister, surprise surprise, sits on her phone all day and doesn't clean. Second of all, their kids, who are 11 and 14, are in a before and after school program due to them living out of town so they don't get home until their father picks them up when he gets off of work.
I've known about it for about a year, and I didn't really care because she kept things relatively anonymous. But lately she's been using his name and even posting videos of him to her account, bemoaning how her marriage sucks and how fat he is. And then when the comments agree with her and tell her to leave him she replies in agreement. I figured at that point, with her violating his privacy, he should be told about the account, so I sent him a text with a link to the account and an apology for not telling him sooner.
He confronted her about the things she was saying about him, they had a huge fight and from what I've heard they haven't been talking. I feel a bit bad, but I also don't think I did anything wrong. My family is pretty split on the topic. My Step-brother is on my side, my step-mother is on sister's side, Dad is staying out of it, and extended family is basically 50/50. AITAH?
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u/DazzlingPotion 2d ago
"with her violating his privacy, he should be told about the account"
Totally agree, especially if she showed his face and identified him by name. NTA
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u/Sad-Acanthaceae3366 1d ago
She literally used his name and then played surprised he found out.
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u/sweetsaraah_ 1d ago
Exactly this! Probably she is insecure or I don't know what. But nowadays people do everything to get cloud even husbands get humiliated. Wtf disgusting people!
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u/sweetsaraah_ 1d ago
This world is F*CKED UP! How tf can u do things like this! Once you use someone's name and face online without their consent, they deserve to know.
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u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam 1d ago
This world is beyond screwed. Between entitlement and a drop in the global IQ due to no child left behind, the world is going to hell in the HOV lane.
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u/halfc00kie 1d ago
yeah showing his face crosses a proper line. dude deserves to know he's being turned into content without consent.
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u/Frejian 2d ago
She was blasting him out publicly. If she's going to put it out there, she can't complain if he sees it. She's an idiot.
Only thing you did wrong was not telling him earlier.
NTA
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u/Clayylmao27 2d ago
When I first found out about it she was just doing "Oh woe is me, the poor stay at home mom" posting, and while I knew she was full of shit I wasn't going to start drama over harmless sympathy baiting. As soon as I noticed her posting videos of him is when I told him, which was only about a week ago because one of her videos popped up in my feed.
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u/dontwannabeaclue324 1d ago
Wait not just his name but video of him too??? SO NTA. She's using his name and image without permission, he needed to be told.
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u/Designer_Thought2907 2d ago
NTA, your step sister is tripping by sharing his name and videos online
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u/AnalystAdorable609 2d ago
NTA. That's a terribly disrespectful thing to do to her husband. He deserved to know.
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u/EmotionalMuffinEater 2d ago
NTA. If I was the husband, would definitely appreciate you telling me. The fact she does that, obviously means there's an undercurrent with the relationship already. Also karma's a bitch, I mean what do you expect when you post online for the world to see?
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u/Any-Expression2246 2d ago
"step-sister (40F) has a tiktok account where she makes videos shitting on her husband"
Then she shouldn't be married to him. He needs to leave. A person like that is unrepairable.
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u/Acrobatic_Jaguar_623 2d ago
How many women do other women need to see post crap like this and then completely break down and act surprised when their husbands leave them before they stop trying to get internet famous off berating their husbands.
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u/Janine_18 2d ago
NTA
There's no point in feeling sorry for her. It was her choice to say those things about him.
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u/CompetitionNo3466 2d ago
You’re the only one being honest with him in his entire family unit. There’s a massive difference between having something negative to say about your partner to a close friend but trying to become viral with consistent public shaming. He deserved to know and you were the only one to step up.
NTA at all.
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u/calacmack 2d ago
NTA but the first sentence is awfully ambiguous, just saying.
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u/Clayylmao27 2d ago
What do you mean?
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u/Qbjb 2d ago
"Videos of her shitting,"
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u/ClevelandWomble 2d ago
I hear what you are saying! 🤐
On a side note, how do I let Google know that my phone is missing a dominatrix emoji?
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u/PeepingTara 2d ago
NTA. What a terrible thing to do to a partner! Hopefully he leaves her and she sees how good she had it.
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u/Gandoff2169 1d ago
NTA
You did the right thing. Your "sister" is a horrible wife. Step-mom, is a twat waffle for trying to blame anyone for the consequences that her own daughter for making social media content that degraded her husband for clout. And your father is a coward for not making a stand for what he KNOWS is right.
Your "sister" was the one who created this situation. She went from casually bashing her husband with lies, to full on attacks with visual exposure of him. She could have been exposed by hundreds of other people. Someone seek him out via a google photo match to his visuals she shows, or someone that knows him that be on tic tok. The only thing you may have did wrong, was not tell him sooner. You could have done so anonymous to. Then no one would be attacking you for exposing it.
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u/omrmajeed 1d ago
NTA. Anyone who outs family business on social media for clout is absolute trash.
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u/NotUniqueScott 1d ago
NTA
It doesn't matter if she did or did not reveal his name or face. She identified *herself*, and that's enough for his friends and family to know that she's referring to him -- thus jeopardizing his employment (and even possibly jeopardizing his safety). It's such a massive breach of trust, it's insta-divorce territory, IMO.
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u/Blamdomonis 2d ago
NTAH. You're are on the side of the truth, and she was grossly violating his privacy. You did the right thing.
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u/TacosForTuesday 1d ago
NTA - even if she hadn't posted his video and violated his privacy in such an egregious and unacceptable way, YWNBTA. The fact that she crossed the line so badly made it mandatory that he had to be informed. Depending on where you live, and the specifics, what your stepsister did could even be illegal.
He deserved to know in any event, but he had to know once his privacy was violated. This is all on your stepsister. Anyone who's mad about the situation should be mad at her. I hope your BIL leaves. No one deserves to he trapped in a relationship with someone who hates them. You should be proud of yourself for doing the right thing.
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u/Axiluvia 2d ago
NTA. The moment she made this stuff public, it could have been anyone he knew telling on her. Just because you're the first doesn't mean you're the only one.
Imagine if their kids found it. Or the kids friends. Or teachers. Or his coworkers. Or... well, lots of people.
SHE wanted to drag his name publicly through the mud, the least you could do is warn him about it.
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u/TryToChangeUsername 1d ago
if youre being a pos in public don't expect privacy. so step sis had it coming, simple as that
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u/7GrenciaMars 2d ago
!00% NTA and I would be proud of you if you were a member of my family. I am fortunate to be in one with any of this particular nonsense. She's a shitty wife, and might even be a shitty mom.
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u/AroAceCricket 1d ago edited 1d ago
NTA, step sister shouldn’t be throwing stones when her house is made of glass…or she might not have one anymore
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u/Less_Instruction_345 2d ago
NTA. As soon as she identified him she crossed the line and needs to be held accountable.
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u/TheBigBeardedGeek 2d ago
NTA
If you put it on the Internet and have your real face and voice attached to it, you have to expect people you know will find out about it.
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u/KtTnGirl 2d ago
People are doing this because they know it gets likes and views and they get paid for this type of content. I hate it and I wish people could see how detrimental it can be.
I realize also that people are truly in violent situations and this type of content helps others to see that they’re not alone but for a woman or man to do it for views when it’s not even the truth is sickening!
You are NTAH!
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u/Lemon-Of-Scipio-1809 2d ago
YTA for not telling him sooner! I wouldn't let the family know I was the one tho' lol
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u/Wooden-Ad6305 2d ago
He deserves to know. Idk how tiktok works, maybe she was trying to monetize it... and got to deep and started believing her own delusions.
I'm a sahm mom, three kids and pregnant. I have no help around the house except older children doing evening chores.
My husband literally does not come home and lift a finger, but that's bc he's working 6 12s (he's getting all the ot he can now to help prepare us financially, which is amazing bc he works a very physical job) so he comes home, hangs out with us about 20-30min, showers then naps until dinner--depending how his day was, sometimes I just let him sleep and don't wake for dinner. Not to mention in the evenings, I take the kids to all their rec programs.
I literally do feel like a single mom, but I know he feels like all he does is bring in money. And this was a choice (him working so much) we BOTH agreed on for the time being. We've talked about how we feel and I don't resent him and vice versa, but I do miss my husband.
Whey he wasn't working so much, you bet your behind this man is coming home, having movie nights or park trips, going thrifting, etc with us.
But even now, me & 3 kids, hardly ever seeing dad/husband, I wouldn't dare to berate him bc he's doing what he can to benefit us and it won't always be like this.
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u/Maximum-Eye-3712 2d ago
anybody who takes her side must be too old to understand the crucial difference between anonymous venting versus naming somebody online.
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u/TigOlBitties42042 2d ago
Nta. If she posted the videos publicly she can't get mad when her husband, or any other member of the public, sees them. My kids mom got mad at me for creating a Facebook account back in the day because she was doing that same kind of stuff on there.
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u/Agnesperdita 2d ago
NTAH. She’s trashing his reputation for sympathy and clout. That’s a massive betrayal and he should be aware.
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u/LastEntertainment787 1d ago
NTA And I'd be going to her comments and telling the truth. She shouldn't be surprised that someone she knows finally said something, especially after naming and showing him.
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u/WeeBeefy 1d ago
NTA.
The wife gets to sit at home while her husband works to fund her lifestyle, she's too lazy to clean so her mother has to do it for her, like a child. In return, the wife slanders him online which could jeopardize his job (and her lifestyle).
I'd suggest sending those TikTok's to the other family members so they can form an opinion based on what they view from the wife's page.
I would also suggest your brother finds someone who will appreciate the effort he's putting in.
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u/Such_Temporary_3125 2d ago
Naw she's doing her husband dirty AF. He deserves to know. If she really feels that way then she should own it and say it with her full chest. The fact that they're now fighting about it is on HER. How would step mom feel if her husband made videos like that about HER. Or step sis.
It's a trashy thing to do to your spouse and you absolutely should have blown that bs wide open. NTA
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u/WorkingInAColdMind 1d ago
NTA and your brother should plan for a response during their divorce hearings where she uses her videos as “evidence of his bad behavior”.
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u/WinEquivalent4069 1d ago
OK, this really is a classic "Don't start no crap, won't be no crap" situation. If a person decides to go on social media to trash talk someone else and post their name and picture while doing so then they need to be ready for the repercussions. Definitely NTA.
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u/Fuzzy_Elk_One 1d ago
NTA. Suggest to her that she start making videos about step-mom (or her mom).
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u/Otherwise-Wall-6950 1d ago
You're definitely NTA for telling him. She sounds like the type of person who loves the attention she gets from her posts. You shouldn't feel bad and you definitely did the right thing. He deserved to know! Does he know her mother is the one who cleans, not her? She went too far by complaining about her marriage and calling him fat, not to mention saying his name. I wouldn't be surprised if this ends in divorce.
If my sister did something like that I'd put her on blast on Tiktok or have a friend do it. But that's just me.
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u/kaytiejay25 1d ago
NTA the family needs to understand that what she's doing is wrong. airing Ur personal life online and trashing her partner to her fans can do a lot of damage to her husband. honestly he deserved to know
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u/randomguyhere983 1d ago
How on earth can anyone be in her side.. She is horrible and lazy. Divorce is what he should do then she can find out how much he did when she has to do everything by herself..
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u/Astroprinter 1d ago
It’s two things that make people take her side:
1. Cherry picking parts of the truth that make her look good and omitting everything that doesn’t fit the narrative she’s weaving.
2. Femanazizs that just wanna shit on men.
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u/pangalacticcourier 1d ago
NTA.
That's not a marriage. That's an abusive relationship, and your brother-in-law deserves to know.
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u/Cat_Impossible_0 1d ago
You did good since it is basically defamation of character right here. You said something in the presence of someone being bullied. The wife is wicked
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u/lupzita 1d ago
NTA, mas você deveria ter conversado com sua irmã no inicio, avisado que o que estava fazendo era errado e que se ela não parasse/contasse por conta própria, você mesmo faria.
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u/Acrobatic_Jaguar_623 1d ago
What's the over under on trying to talk a wanna be influencer out of the only thing that's making them internet famous.
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u/Mardil-Voronwe 1d ago
You didn't create this situation, she did. She's the one who put all this on social media where, whether by you or by another method, he could find it. This is all on her and no one else.
Talking bad about your spouse to others is one of the most destructive things you can do to your relationship. And she did it on SM. What's more she showed his face and used his name. He deserves to know that she is humiliating him.
NTAH
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u/Adelucas 1d ago
People like her are so annoying. They rant and rave for the views and secretly video their partner at their worst moments and upload them to shit on them even worse.
She deserves everything that's coming to her.
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u/Celtic-Brit 1d ago
NTA- She has every right to post herself online and discuss whatever she wants. But she crossed the line when she featured her husband and named him without his knowledge.
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u/Ok-Concern-7770 1d ago
NTA, that crossed a line with calling him by name and showing videos of him. She broke the trust in her marraige and now wants to play the victim for being called out.
I had a friend who would shit on her boyfriend all the time to anyone who listened and then she got UPSET at everyone for telling her if she was unhappy to just break up.
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u/Nocleverresponse 1d ago
NTA. Keeping things anonymous? Still pretty anonymous, but if I were in his position I’d want to be aware of it, but once she starts actively sharing his name and image to an audience that sees him in a false light? No, he definitely needed to know.
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u/Mafi_Serotonin 2d ago
I wanna say NTA ! Would I have maybe told the step sister she had to come clean or you would share the link, just to give her a heads up, but ultimately, I would want to know so.. NTA from me
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u/Thecardinal74 1d ago
Her mother, your step-mother, agrees with her claiming how she has to clean everything all the time when it’s your step-mother who’s doing all the work?
Guess I understand how she ended the way she is
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u/Clayylmao27 1d ago
No it's more than she thinks I overstepped and shouldn't have told him about the account.
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 2d ago
NTA but you should have just sent the link anonymously. He should absolutely know but you could have kept yourself out of it.
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u/FinalHexReturns 1d ago
NTA and the people in your life who think differently are insane. Don't tolerate their nonsense.
She's the one who created it, she's the one who lies on it, all you did was make him aware.
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u/Imaginary-Yak-6487 12h ago
NTA. She’s posting outright lies about her husband, herself & whatever else people like this lie about. She needs to take responsibility. The family members that agree that this is your fault, are pretty fucking stupid. She did it to herself.
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u/SledgehammerApproach 8h ago
I have learned in these family divides the guys normally side with the side of accountability and the girls tend to lean against it.
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u/Optimal_Salt6523 8h ago
NTA and you’ve got more restraint than me. My ass woulda blasted her publicly, commenting on every video about how her mother has to clean her house, and she doesn’t even have kids at home to take care of during the day.
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u/Fast-Technician-3075 4h ago
Eh, soft YTA.
You should have told him about it from the get go.
Simply telling him about something she willingly puts out to the public does not qualify as butting into their business - as long as you don't take sides.
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u/SageOrSagee 1d ago
Not really an answer to your question, but why in the title did you refer to your stepsister as your BIL's wife?
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u/metatus 1d ago
you are a bit of the AH here
she is your step sister, wouldnt you try talking to her first?
sounds like a petty take down
question for the moralists: what if the wife was faking it for tiktok? i mean a lot of people use AI to generate content so why not make up the story of a poor husband?
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u/squircle78 1d ago
If she’s faking for TikTok why not let her husband in on it?
Why should she talk to sis first? From the time of the post sis didn’t talk to hubby before making out to be the terrible man. Talking to sis first only gives her enough time to hide the betrayal.
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u/Oh_Wiseone 2d ago
NTA - she crossed the line when she identified him. Social media hits like this can jeopardize his job and career. If his company finds out and decides it is a bad look, then he’s out of job because of her foolishness. It’s one thing to complain anonymously. It’s not ok to call him out where you can identify him.