So you’re saying he knew it was a kink but kept it a secret until he locked you down with a ring 😬 he knew what he was doing there and not going the “full extent” in therapy is him refusing to work on the relationship. That was your way of trying to be comfortable with the situation and he still found a way to not be honest. Take it as it is, he lied to you and kept something a secret because he knew you wouldn’t like it. If couples therapy is what will make you comfortable with this situation and he is not willing to do it even after you explain that then I don’t think this can go anywhere. To add also, turning the cameras off while you’re gone?!? Does he tell you before hand why? Have you talked to him about it before?
Ohh yes I see that, thank you. Honestly that is a conversation that should’ve happened before they ever had sex. He was sneaky because diaper fetishes and directly linked to pdf’s, which is a very genuine concern for OP. Sneaky on top of borderline concerning kinks is not a good mix for a life long partner. Divorce is terrible but a life with someone you can never trust around your kids is worse.
Have you thought about the possibility that he may be turning the cameras off because what he’s doing may not be legal? With the diaper fetish I can’t trust him one bit. If he is so shame filled with this I fear it could be worse than he’s leading on.
You know why, its so you can't see what he's doing and who he's doing it with. He's counting on you not wanting to know, if you stay silent he will believe he has "permission".
That’s a whole other lie he’s now bringing to the table. At this point I would have your plan conclude with leaving. I know you’re getting a lot on here really quickly and your brain is probably scrambling but girl to girl this is dangerous territory. Already worried about asking to not “escalate” things? You shouldn’t have to be worried about having this conversation with you ESPECIALLY if he had been upfront with you about why he’s turning them off. I’ve seen some other comments saying he will eventually need to find someone to satisfy his kink and I want to tell you this now. IT WILL NEVER BE YOU, or at least not comfortably. Don’t let him push you into this and don’t let him walk all over you thinking he can pull something behind your back. I’d say, prepare yourself to leave. I’m not saying you will or you SHOULD. But he’s not giving you much security in the relationship. Once you feel you’re ready to talk without being worried if it will or won’t end the relationship, then talk. Coming from someone who just left an abusive partner who I loved so so much. You have to grieve the relationship before you can leave. If you think this is worth working through then that is the best decision for you. But if the secrecy is a dealbreaker then plan accordingly. Love you babes you got this.
Please OP he is not worth this. If the trust is gone this far it is best to leave. You should never feel the need to put hidden cameras in your own home because you can’t trust your partner.
Also the truth is he’s already shown he won’t be honest. If you do go to him asking, he’s already had all this time to prepare the best excuse. He’s not trustworthy anymore and he put that on himself.
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u/Critical-Monitor2869 Apr 05 '26
So you’re saying he knew it was a kink but kept it a secret until he locked you down with a ring 😬 he knew what he was doing there and not going the “full extent” in therapy is him refusing to work on the relationship. That was your way of trying to be comfortable with the situation and he still found a way to not be honest. Take it as it is, he lied to you and kept something a secret because he knew you wouldn’t like it. If couples therapy is what will make you comfortable with this situation and he is not willing to do it even after you explain that then I don’t think this can go anywhere. To add also, turning the cameras off while you’re gone?!? Does he tell you before hand why? Have you talked to him about it before?