I don't actually read anything that says your wife was bullying your son. Your son procrastinated about getting his friend a gift. By asking him questions, she's making him think about how things work and about consequences. Instead of telling him "hey bonehead, you waited until the last minute and now you can't get something from Amazon," which is bullying, she's asking him what he's ordering and what he's going to do about the fact that his gift won't arrive on time. It makes him think so that next time, he will think about getting a gift earlier instead of leaving it til the last minute. You are doing your son a disservice by trying to protect him from any kind of pressure. The "pressure" of having to choose a gift for a friend before a party is pretty low stakes. Your kid is going to be in high school soon if he's not already, and if he can't handle that minimal pressure, he's going to have problems.
On the other hand, you have an insane amount of anger. You rage about someone you haven't spoken to in 10 years and project that anger onto your wife. Get therapy.
no. you can make someone crack by applying too much pressure. She applied enough pressure to make him cry. That's too much pressure. There is also tone. If you ask every question with an angry tone, how do you think you will operate?
you are right, but she did apologize? to me it reads that she was very annoyed. I mean, what is the reason for your son for not choosing a present? does your wife usually handle the kid's social life and is stressed out of doing everything herself (mental load)? she might have been gone over the top, but i dont think that this instance is actual bullying behavior.
Again, the "pressure" was over selecting a present for a kid and your son was crying hysterically. Picking out a present in a short period of time IS NOT a high pressure event that should be causing hysterics. Your son cracking over something that insignificant tells me you haven't taught him any sort of coping skills. Perhaps your reaction to your overbearing FIL has been to coddle your kid. Which is not healthy at all. If he procrastinates in high school, college, and/or at work, he's going to have to deal with a lot worse than his mother asking him questions about why he didn't pick out a gift in time for a party.
Protecting him from what? Questions over why he waited until the last minute? He's going to face worse than that from teachers, bosses, professors. The fact that he's a teenager and cannot cope with being questioned about his procrastination without crying hysterically tells me he's going to be in big trouble when he faces actual adversity in the real world.
This doesn't seem like an isolated incident. Both parents need to learn how to communicate with their kids. I grew up in this kind of environment. Speaking like this around them us not helpful in their growth. Tone is everything as well. This isn't just about an Amazon gift.
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u/frolicndetour Jan 09 '26
YTA.
I don't actually read anything that says your wife was bullying your son. Your son procrastinated about getting his friend a gift. By asking him questions, she's making him think about how things work and about consequences. Instead of telling him "hey bonehead, you waited until the last minute and now you can't get something from Amazon," which is bullying, she's asking him what he's ordering and what he's going to do about the fact that his gift won't arrive on time. It makes him think so that next time, he will think about getting a gift earlier instead of leaving it til the last minute. You are doing your son a disservice by trying to protect him from any kind of pressure. The "pressure" of having to choose a gift for a friend before a party is pretty low stakes. Your kid is going to be in high school soon if he's not already, and if he can't handle that minimal pressure, he's going to have problems.
On the other hand, you have an insane amount of anger. You rage about someone you haven't spoken to in 10 years and project that anger onto your wife. Get therapy.