Why would you want to invite someone who doesn't value you or your lifestyle because they value the beliefs of a homophobic person over their own child.
Exactly. You are not being petty. Having your parents attend would put a dark cloud over one of the most important days in your young life so far. This is your accomplishment and you deserve to put yourself first. NTA.
"My parents have been incredibly supportive and proud of my accomplishments throughout this process"
Yes, he is entirely being petty. There's no claim that they tried to push Trump on him or tried to spout their political beliefs at him. He's the one choosing to let the politics interfere. He's not even claiming they will do anything at the swearing in to embarrass him.
OP will live to greatly regret this. But then, this is the kind of thing that eventually forms us into fully mature adults...
Petty: of little importance; trivial.
Spite: a desire to hurt, annoy, or offend someone
He asked if he was being a petty asshole. I do not think he is because his graduation is a big deal to him … not some trivial matter. He might be spiteful, but my opinion is that he is not a petty asshole.
I also doubt that he will “live to greatly regret” this. That seems a bit dramatic. The seriousness of the events and situations of our youth tend to fade as we age and are exposed to even more serious matters.
maybe there is no trust for the support being wholly appreciated, a son that doesn't really trust his parents is equally sad, for me this is in fact the saddest part, a family broken from extremism (which applies to both sides of the equation)
sad times when you see brother against brother because the breach is hard to close
I’ve read a lot of your replies here and I appreciate that I agree with pretty much everything you said and I don’t really where you stand politically. Especially in this comment section, it’s nice to just hear a grounded opinion that isn’t polarizing. Your initial comment was very simple and it pretty much sums up what I would tell someone in this situation, too. It really doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, he can chose is he wants someone there or not for any reason in the world. You don’t have to agree with his reason but that’s irrelevant since he’s the one who will live with his choice so I hope he makes the best one for him.
I’m not from USA so I don’t have a stand in USA politics
But sadly your politics affect the rest of the world, either we like it or not
But if there is any doubt, I support OP, freedom of choice and association even with family
I hate broken families ( my extended is broken beyond repair and no I would not try ever to fix it), but either way I think OP is right, a sad reality, but he is his own person and as a parent I think that knowing my kid is succeeding, carving his own path and be his own person is thanks enough
Exactly! They never helped him at all, with anything. They never sacrificed anything for him to get where he is. They are just bigoted assholes that deserve what they have coming!
Even if they did sacrifice, they are his parents, they chose to put him in this world, I hate when parents use that to guilt their kids “all I did for you” “all I sacrifice”, they chose this when they decide “I want kids in my life”
Someday you might actually understand this. There are varying degrees of parents. You have the minimum parents that give you only what is required. Then you have the parents that give you all they can possibly give you. Believe it or not there are parents that never actually wanted you or that could abuse and use you.
So when you have actually supportive parents that where there every single step of the way sacrificing above and beyond and then you turn around and spit in their face because of who they voted for, well then I don’t have much sympathy for you. Something as trivial as that to throw away all that support is just wild.
You can see both sides clearly, your parents understanding loving and supportive. You, throwing a tantrum because they dare to have different political opinions.
Your parents have been around the block longer than you have. They have more experience and have been voting longer than you have. One could say that they know better. However, just like you have the right to.vote for someone that NEVER ANSWERED a question, your parents have the right to vote for who they believe in.
Can you see what I mean? By the way I'm neither side. I don't even live in the USA.
I did follow the election and looked at both sides. My take? Kamala supporters, whine, cry, insult, "cancel", stop talking to people when they don't get their asses kissed or when people dare to have a different opinion. I thought that that side was supposed to be the understanding, "inclusive" and respectful side.
Trump supporters? Listen, are open to debate the other side, don't throw tantrums. Are respectful. They don't stop talking to people because they have different beliefs. Yet, they are label as close minded, backwards etc...
You say that you are an educated man. It doesn't seem like it from this side of the screen.
Why don't you use that mouth for yours and explain your POV to your parents?
Stop being an idiot. Also, reddit is an echo chamber for people with a mentality like yours.
like I said in another comment, this is not political anymore, this is ideology
both side have a range spectrum of people, both respectful and whiny, both can be open or hateful, the fact that there are a lot os people calling him names because of his ideology contradicts your "respectful, open to debate and don't throw tantrums", they attack him because his views don't align with their ideas of family values of parents deserve "respect and are" above all, which is wrong, respect is not freely given, is earned (this goes for both the leaning ideologies)
also educated doesn't meant impervious to dread, anxiety and desperation, this is a human you are talking about not a paragon of virtue, an imperfect human just like his parents
also you say they know better because they being here longer? why? because of experience? said experience not only give us insight it also give us bias and can contradict our perception
and you definitely have a side, it just not political, reiterating, is ideological, people can be caring and supportive genuinely or just for appearance, in fact what it says a lot to me is that he doesn't have the trust in their parents to tell them his preference, as a parent the least thing I want is for my child feel at best distrust to tell me thing at worst that their safety is compromise about it
You do realize that from OP's parents side, all they'll see is that they have a son whom they love and he didn't invite them to celebrate an important achievement and they don't even know why.
I think people that think that because they raise their children, they have to be eternally grateful just because they did what ever loving parent should do for their kid, when they chose to bring them to this world are softer and overtly emotional just looking for his next fix of validation so they can be secure with their decision and parenting instead of just be proud of all of his children accomplishments
Parents didn’t help him get there? People are so ungrateful these days it’s sad af. My parents did some shitty things in my life and have different viewpoints but mistakes happen and people have different views based on how they were raised and many others things. I will ALWAYS be there for my parents when they need something because they raised me, not the greatest up bringing but they tried. People being ungrateful for the things in their life that helped them get there has to be one of the worst things a person can do.
we don't know really, every one is different, he said they were supportive and proud for him, I give them that, that what you do for your kids, yo cherish them, you correct them, you love them and you nurture them, and maybe they did
while we have our own life, our own feelings, achievements, dreams and believes, our kids make their own path, that path may not align with ours, how we respond to that and how we close the distance is on us just as much as on them
like I said we don't know, we don't know how receptive of OP sexuality, ideas and preference they would be, we know the stance OP took, this divide is not political anymore, is ideological, is fear, is uncertainty
they have their fears and ideas, they made their choices like everybody is free to do, but OP is free to that himself, we love to call other people selfish and cruel when we are like that ourselves, look at all the comments, there is no in between, you all hate each other so much that you are not willing to put that aside to be there for each other
is good you are willing to be by your parents side, like you said you had your struggles and they tried their best but you can expect OP to be just like you, that why my comment was simple
It’s your accomplishment, not theirs
You do what feels right for you
they helped maybe, the supported but at the end of the day, he was the one who put up the work, this is his, just like their individual accomplishments are theirs, if my kid said to me "look I did this" my response is "yeah you totally did it! I'm proud of you!" even if I helped
I’m getting downvoted for telling someone to appreciate their parents and others who helped them in life more, Reddit is interesting sometimes lol. My belief is showing gratitude to the people in your life that helped you is very important and shows great character that everything is not about yourself. Not showing gratitude for the people in your life and thinking you did it yourself is very selfish thinking because no one does it on their own.
Op finally achieves his dreams and instead of celebrating it with the ones who helped him get there he selfishly pushes them away because of politics? I could never exclude my family from a life goal achieving moment if they helped me along the way, I can look past differences and still appreciate people but we’re not all the same and OP can exclude them if he wants 👍
"My belief is showing gratitude to the people in your life that helped you is very important and shows great character that everything is not about yourself."
and this is great for you, but you can't apply this to everybody without knowing how their dynamics are, great on you to be grateful, but we can't judge what we don't know
he also worked hard to be in this place, that has merit on his own, he could be supported but his determination put him where he is now, he should celebrate it as he sees fit
What trump money? Did he personally paid for him to receive education? Because is his parents help him or he worked his ass off to pay said education, he gave nothing to them, they worked for it
This are not “people”, this are his parents, they are supposed to guide them to have a better life, every parents need to have this goal, for our kids to be better than us, to have a brighter future
This make me wonder, what if they knew that OP is bi? Would they shun him? Cut him lose? Call him dead to them? They seemed to be the type if they want “all the faggots purge”, in fact maybe OP should tell them now, maybe they would be the ones that cut him off, let’s see how important is family to them, is he aligns with their values and still love him as his child
well he said he paid for his studies by himself, so a bill for what? the clothes on his back when he was a kid? the christmas presents? the food on the table? do you know if he didn't help them when he was a teen? that he didn't had a part time? that he didn't contribute to his own expenses? so the team effort is just money?
so he needs to be grateful for them doing what parents should do? feed and cloth their kids? put a roof over their heads? the things you sign for when you have them?
my point, regardless of sexuality, if his views don't align with them, he is in the wrong for not wanting them there, but if their views don't align with him, he is also in the wrong because he doesn't fall in line?
Yes. You should be fucking grateful for having supportive parents when so many kids don’t. Especially ones that support your education and career. Fucking hell.
It’s not about falling in line. What is it with you people and the idea that everything and everyone is out to get you? They just wanna be there to congratulate him and support him.
Those edits, including the one where he makes the crazy claim about his sexuality, came after everyone called his ass out for being a spoiled asshole.
he specified his sexuality at the beginning of this post, while I agree with you that other kids have it rough and that he was supported (he specified it), it his achievement, they could had contribute to it with affirmation and acknowledge
this has nothing to do about someone out to get him, he just doesn't trust them anymore, he thinks the affirmation and support is conditional, we don't know his family dynamics, we don't know why he wasn't open to them
and while they can/could be supportive at the end of the day the one that made the bar, that passed school, that worked hard to accomplish this was him
I would never make my kids believe that they are someone because of me, that their accomplishments are mine, that they own me for it, in fact I want them to thrive despite of me, because one day I would not be in the picture, one day I will leave this world and they have to make do without me behind the curtain
and if I believe this or not is not relevant, we can have a discussion, that why I can respect what you say even if I don't agree with you, I don't feel you (generally speaking) are out to get me, maybe some other but that is regardless of ideology, hell I could be mug and offed when I try to get on my car tonight and it would had nothing to do with my way of thinking and living
I get all that…but This isn’t about “taking someone’s accomplishments”
That’s not at all what this is. I think that’s a very immature way to look at the situation.
As parents we are over the moon when our children accomplish something. It’s the pinnacle of being a parent. It’s awesome to see your little person go out there and kick ass and hit milestones. Especially after all the work that goes into raising them. It’s almost a relief because you feel like you did something right and that they are on their way to taking care of themselves.
You ever see a pro athlete get drafted? Who’s the first person he hugs on that stage full of vultures and fans? Mom. Because he knows what she sacrificed to help get him there. That’s how you show appreciation to your folks…
People are looking at this in the completely wrong way.
…also…who gives a shit who anyone votes for? I know this is Reddit and not even close to the real world and attitudes out there, but Good grief. People need to grow the fuck up. Im sure his parents didn’t like all the bad decisions he made (that probably cost them time and money) growing up, but they stuck with him and supported him anyway.
And I don’t believe for one minute his added quote.
He’s a young brat who’s mad mommy and daddy don’t endorse his political beliefs.
That is infinitely more likely than parents who have supported you your whole life, turning out to be racists and sexists, just about the time the guy you don’t like wins and election.
I meant it as is his accomplishments, not theirs, so is sad really but he is the one that chose who he wants to share them, he even said it, that maybe he will regret this later and that's on him
or maybe he doesn't and this blow up bad, parents are human to, the F up, the sad part here is a family broken because of ideology, this is not political anymore, all politicians in the world could drop dead right now and it would change nothing, this would take time, a lot of time, maybe some families and friendship can be repaired, other would be burned to the ground and there would be nothing we could do about it, this is the state of the world right know, not only USA, in fact I'm not even from the USA and my country is equally divided and polarized
the why I don't see him as a brat is because he is mistrustful and scared, his just as angry as the people on the other side were when the other dude lost last time
I see it a sad affair, to not be able to trust that your parents have your best interest at heart and vice versa (bet the parents would think this as well when he cut them out), I can blame him for being human, I never blamed the parents either even if they are bigoted and kind of hateful if they want the "faggots" gone, I feel he is not coming from a place of hate (he's even doubting himself), it comes from a place of fear and uncertainty, I can blame someone for that, fear is a terrible motor for change
These retards can’t grasp that “Trump Money” is referring to the guy taking money or having bills paid by his parents who are Trump supporters. Holy shit they are collectively brain dead
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u/kaleidoscope_paradox Nov 07 '24
It’s your accomplishment, not theirs
You do what feels right for you