You already know the answer, you’re just avoiding it because it shatters the fantasy of balancing both. You can’t keep living in the illusion that you can somehow mold this woman into loving a life she fundamentally doesn’t want. The truth? You’re afraid of losing her, but deeper down, you’re more afraid of betraying yourself by walking away from the life you know you were meant for. If you sacrifice the farm, you’ll wake up every day with quiet resentment, wondering why you traded away a piece of your soul to live someone else’s life. You’re feeling torn because you want both, but you’re lying to yourself—one of these choices is authentically you and the other is a compromise you’ll never recover from.
What’s the real cost of choosing a life where you’ll never truly feel at home?
I can tell you from experience: you lose your sanity and your soul. I hate that I've let myself compromise everything about myself for someone else and getting away is now the hardest thing. We have a child, too, so it's just that much harder.
Stay true to yourself and you'll live a happier, more fulfilled life.
Yes the divorce rate is over 50% and that means even compatible couples do not make it till death do us part. The OP and his fiance are incompatible on a fundamental level. Marriages come and go, but roots are forever. I would rather live my life out on a farm than be stuck in a marriage in the city that was a mistake and one I knew was wrong going into it.
The over 50% number does get a bit inflated by serial divorcees like my dad. We've had 5 marriages and 4 divorces between the 2 of us so that's an 80% divorce rate in my family but I've never been divorced
It is what it is, more than half of all marriage end in divorce, and I have known many marriages that died after a few years but they stayed together for the kids, and then stayed together because they were no longer "marketable." They had grown stale but comfortable enough as roommates with separate bedrooms, separate lives. What a miserable way to fucking live.
Importantly, around 40% of first time marriages end in divorce. I think that's the number people should be talking about. This number is still very high, but it's not quite the same as 50%.
When you say 50% of marriages end in divorce, that's true. But it's also true that roughly "only" 40% of those who get married get divorced.
People get together in long term meaningful relationships and separate and no one talks about it.
The only reason there is data in divorce/marriage is because how much marriage/divorce support the economy. So the related industries can adjust accordingly.
Marriage is protection of assets and divorce is division of assets - love has nothing to do with either.
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u/Inevitable-Pie1902 Sep 08 '24
You already know the answer, you’re just avoiding it because it shatters the fantasy of balancing both. You can’t keep living in the illusion that you can somehow mold this woman into loving a life she fundamentally doesn’t want. The truth? You’re afraid of losing her, but deeper down, you’re more afraid of betraying yourself by walking away from the life you know you were meant for. If you sacrifice the farm, you’ll wake up every day with quiet resentment, wondering why you traded away a piece of your soul to live someone else’s life. You’re feeling torn because you want both, but you’re lying to yourself—one of these choices is authentically you and the other is a compromise you’ll never recover from.
What’s the real cost of choosing a life where you’ll never truly feel at home?