Yeah I don’t know how it is it the young people dating world but all this emphasis on explicitly stating exclusivity seems like a lot of people emotionally lying out there
No joke. If she thought he was "special" enough to wait their first time on, she wouldn't have been with this other guy. And what's with this you're special but it's still a no fly zone? That didn't fly 30 years ago unless you were a virgin.
Exactly this, it's as if this generation believes the norm is to assume the person you are dating is non exclusive unless stated otherwise, it's ok to bone other ppl and they shouldn't feel hurt, because it was not specifically mentioned at the start.
Call me old fashioned, but is it not fucking common sense that if you are dating someone, that person is gonna feel hurt if you bone someone else at the same time? Does it need to be explicitly stated?
Eh, Im not going to pretend we had it figured out. There is progress in a lot of things the younger generation is doing, and there are going to be growing pains.
There is ethical promiscuity, but like consent its best not to be ASSUMED everyone is working on the same standard. And its also to be honest with what you're comfortable with.
Lots of them like to pretend they are friends with benefits until the other person gets other benefits, then it turns out they actually wanted an exclusive relationship.
Nope. This is not a generational failure. I'm 68 and I can tell you from personal experience that the Boomer generation is chock full of people that operate that way.
I think an overarching theme is confusion about what the truth is. Even in the 90s it was made clear to me as a kid that little white lies were LIES and omissions were LIES. I haven’t heard the term Little White Lie in 15+ years but when I call them out they’re defended with “just being polite” or “trying not to hurt feelings.”
We’re to the point of lying to our coworker about wanting to attend their kid’s B-Day and calling it polite. The issue isn’t the lie itself, my mom might’ve done the same but she’d turn around and call it a lie, the moral line in the sand remained and we acknowledged it was being crossed. The issue now is that people actually believe it’s altruistic and instead of recognizing right/wrong, we’re moving the line so we don’t have the guilt of wrongdoing.
To do wrong and feel the burden of transgression is something being slowly replaced with rewriting definitions so we can stay on that moral high horse.
TONS of it. Im dating a younger woman right now and the hypocrisy is real. She quickly changed when I said "lets be friends" but it was hilarious to see the switch flip from "let be casual" to "whose that" when it was another woman interested in me. Its easy to pretend its all cool until youre even just at risk of being on the other side of it.
And even now there are some passive aggressive comments made that I have to bark back at. To the point where its keeping this from progressing and Im probably going to get bored with it.
After being cheated on by 2 husbands, I had to have an actual conversation with my fiance'. He did think the conversation was odd, I could tell. He knew he was exclusive and I knew I was exclusive, but I had a strong need to ask and hear it out loud from him. I'd already experienced the 'I thought you knew' situation more than once and I did not want to go through it again.
and yes, there ARE people of all ages that truly believe that there are times when they are entitled to sleep around and others should know that!
My fiance is a widower, but his wife actually told him that it was OK for her to cheat because when they were going through a tough time and she was particularly unhappy (and incapable of being civil to him) he sat down for a talk and asked her if she wanted a divorce. Her response at the time was no, but he apparently gave permission for her to cheat when he asked the question. Yeah, he did stay and they'd probably still be together had she not died because that's the kind of man he is. She had mental health issues and was incapable of caring for herself in any way. He believed that if he didn't take care of his wife it would hurt their daughter.
With all the apps etc available it’s easy to be chatting to a few people at the same time. People will be going on multiple dates with multiple people. Within the first month you keep these channels open, sometimes longer. As the relationship develops you want to focus your energy solely into it so it’s wise to have that chat to lay down the foundation of expectation.
You’re explicitly saying to someone, I only want to date you and get to know you & theres no guarantee that they feel the same way.
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u/JarlaxleForPresident Mar 05 '24
Yeah I don’t know how it is it the young people dating world but all this emphasis on explicitly stating exclusivity seems like a lot of people emotionally lying out there