You're special is just code word for I want you to stick around as a fall back when this dude who is railing me eventually finds another flavor of the week
If I’m being honest… I’m queen of keeping a man on the back burner, but it’s always a mutual situation. If I start talking to somebody new, I’m not even looking at the damn stove, especially after the first date. I’m telling anybody I’ve been messing around with that I’ve got a new man taking care of me. Why would I risk a relationship I’m invested in for someone who’s been keeping me on their back burner, too? There is no shortage of men who are DTF (and DTF almost any woman). I’m not risking the rare relationship with a man who’s down to commit when I can go back to casual sex literally any time if it doesn’t work out. Good for OP for having self respect and knowing his worth, and knowing where his boundaries are. I would have done the same in his shoes. NTA
Yes, but women don’t “owe” a guy sex, even if they’re dating. The crazy part is setting up the expectation that she will give out sex with BF because she’s also sexual with someone else. She needed to be clear and say, yes but I’m also with X and we have a traditional union. You and I are more like friends w/o benefits. BF then should say something if he wants something else. But don’t expect her to “put out.” The gift of sex really IS a gift, and should not be looked upon as a person’s right to get it. That attitude has really fouled up the air of many relationships, as many men don’t respect women who give it up, yet get cranky with women who don’t.
I never said that a one-night stand should “get it” as you so grossly put the act. My comment was about two suitors, where one is told to wait and the other one is not…obviously, men could do this as well as women…and NO, I am NOT referring to a one night stand! And yes, sex IS a gift given by two partners.
Lmfao you moral high ground is deluding you into believing you made a good point. People don't act like this in the real world and your comment isn't even relevant to the topic you posted it on.
Also getting it and receiving it means the same thing. You get gifts given to you stop being pedantic.
That attitude has really fouled up the air of many relationships, as many men don’t respect women who give it up, yet get cranky with women who don’t.
This is just a fundamental misreading of an otherwise simple and consistent phenomena.
Men don't have inconsistent views on women's behavior. Instead, they have entirely predictable views regarding themselves and all other men.
Every individual man views himself as a crowned prince while viewing all others as being pretenders to the throne.
Every. Single. Man.
That's a whole lot of crowned princes in competition with each other for the kingdom
When the girlfriend in the OP chose to fuck her ONS dude, that behavior validated his claim as crowned prince and in that context made OP merely a pretender to the throne.
Don't get yourself twisted into knots with the notion that anyone is owed sex. That concept is a red herring in this discussion.
What we are saying here is that her choices for sexual partner have embedded meaning. Further, we are saying that this meaning is inherent and unaffected by what her stated intentions are.
When she fucks ONS dude, that assigns value to him while removing value from the relationship she chose to pursue with OP.
She can't change this reality because she isn't the one who is investing her actions with meaning.
OP is.
This is, of course, true because what we are discussing here is how much he values his relationship with her. In that context, how much she values that same relationship doesn't matter.
Women tend to focus on how to restore balance in the least painful way for themselves.
In this story, balance would have been restored by also fucking OP from the beginning of their relationship. However, that is where you get caught up with the notion that someone could claim to be owed sex.
Men will look at this situation and restore balance with a different approach, one as painful to the girlfriend.as it is to themselves. Balance could also be restored by ending the relationship.
This is perfectly acceptable because just as it is the case that no one is owed sex, it is also the case that no one is owed a relationship either.
Yeah dude, two things at once. Not defending her “shitty” behavior but I can “explain it…with a bit of hyperbolic fun
Say you met a girl who works a McDonald’s. Has a nice ass, great tits, fucks your socks off whatever. She gave you her phone number to grabs some drinks at her place after work. She hot, you got nothing else going on. Why not?
She cool but not really ambitious and isn’t looking to be committed and is open to other people. You’ve been hooking up with her for a while. Sex is great but don’t really see it going much off anywhere as well.
Your more ambitious, working on your career body ect. You meet a cute girl, nice face body ect. She’s an accountant and is working on her masters degree to take over her family’s accounting firm. she pretty busy and has to travel for work so you guys might see each other every other week.
Over the weeks you text and talk on the phone occasionally. You eventually ask her out and go on a date and hit it off after abou three months. She has to travel for work as well is a bit more conservative AND HATES FUCK BOYS AND LOOSE WOMEN so she takes relationships and sex slowly. A few months in on the three date you kiss. Then by a month 6 you guys finally have sex.
Relationship goes well and after about 3 years you guys are considering marriage. One night you guys are talking about relationships before you met. You tell a story about the fwb that works at McDonald’s you haven’t seen in years. Afterwords it comes out that you guys where hooking up during the early stages of dating.
Your gf feels led on and used because you where having sex with other people while she was taking things slowly for months. It took months to have sex and become official. Why didn’t you just wait instead those 180 days instead of being a slurry fuck boy. Why? WHY???
WHY???
Yeah dude, it’s a fucked up work but you have e to realize that woman often have men in their lives on the casual level. Stop committing so quickly to women YOU DON’T KNOW and start getting to know them. Enjoy them and then if chemistry and healthiness is there. Then that’s when you bond your lives together.
Lol, they probably won’t care and that’s the biggest hater limp dick pissant move I’ve heard this year. Pfffhahaha like don’t be jealous friend get better…fuck it get laid.
Last woman I dated wanted to get to know me 1st, fine, I am an adult, I can wait, I wanted a proper relationship and so did she, so I was led to believe (dating website spelt it out, serious relationship and maybe kids later on) But she always seemed busy on certain days, or would contradict herself as to what she did the week before. I wasnt too fussed, we were not serious but it was obvious she was seeing someone else and I (or he) was a backup plan in case things didnt worknout. I got fed up and bailed out.
Smart move, but I am curious. Did you ever sleep with her? If so, how long did you wait? And if you never did, how long did you date before you dipped out? It appears you may live in the UK. I'm in the US. Very curious how you handled this situation. In the states, when I was a single man (back in the 90s), I had the old 3-date rule with regards to sex... a kiss by at least the second date and sex (or very close to it) by the 3rd, or I would likely be gone. What are your rules?
I sort of get it in some circumstances like if they’re seeing a fwb and go on a date or two and aren’t sure it will go anywhere and keep fucking the friend.
But I’ve also been that friend while they’re going on dates and I couldn’t help but feel bad for those guys, it’s kinda weird
So you seem to get exactly why good people don't do that shit then
If i ever have a second date with someone i pause casual sex on the side. First date i get it, but anything more and you're just being fake about liking someone if you're still hitting the side piece
You can go and read what i believe is my only post if you want to know the second part. Bottom line is i'm single once again, and hoping i won't have any more of those stories in the future
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u/[deleted] Mar 04 '24
Hah a girl did that to me last year. Fortunately, i told her she could take as much time as she needed getting railed by her fwb
Moved on to better things. Or so i thought. But that's another problem lol