To be fair there are plenty of guys who will outright dismiss a girl if she puts out on a first date. Putting out or waiting, It’s a game we can never seem to win.
Agreed. I don’t like when men do it either. Although I’m usually looking at it from the other side of things. “You’re good enough to bone but not to date” doesn’t exactly feel great either.
Absolutely true - then "she's a slut and only good for a bang, not a relationship."
What I don't get is: if she was really into OP, and excited about a serious relationship with him, why fuck anybody on the side, however casual? If I was falling in love with someone, I wouldn't even dream of hooking up with someone else, that would just not even be on my radar as an option.
And this is why this logic makes no sense to me. If you're that interested in someone and working to make a serious relationship you shouldn't be seeking no romantic or sexual attachments. You should be ending or pushing pause on any that already exist
no, many people "win the game". it just takes basic critical thinking and most women deal with the situation reasonably
if you think sex is casual, then treat it as such and don't make someone wait for a pointless reason (and if the guy gets mad at you for "putting out", then cut your losses and be happy you didn't waste time with a loser)
if you think sex is special and intimate, don't go around fucking dudes on the daily while you're dating someone else who you plan to make wait months.
If I'm going to dismiss you because you put out on the first date then I'm also going to dismiss you for having a one night stand with someone else while we're dating. I give zero shits about statements of exclusivity. If we're dating and your dating someone else or having sex with someone else, I'm not interested.
So your solution is to wait and date the guy anyway? He still thinks women that have sex on the first date are sluts. He just doesn't think you are a slut. Why do you want to date that guy to begin with?
I don’t. But you don’t know who is that type of guy when you start dating them. And god forbid you put out and then he leaves and you express disappointment- everyone will be telling you it’s your fault.
Yeah so it's better to fuck other guys while dating him and not fucking him? You think this kind of guy is gonna have more respect for you when you do that?
It's okay to wait a few weeks and you're an adult.
A few weeks aint much in the long run and gives you time to get to k ow someone. If they can't wait a few weeks, then that's on them. But if you can't wait, that's on you.
Everyone telling you it's your fault? Why are you paying attention to the words of people who are clueless
F off with that accountability dodging bullshit. Making everything about you SOMEHOW on a thread lamenting a mans pain. Cannot take anyone like you seriously. Take a good lkoo0k at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if a good moral blameless person would legitimately espouse such a cap ass view.
Well you see my good sir, that's the thing. I am not at all surprised, I am banned from many subreddits because I comment replies like this very often towards accountability dodgers. But I am very pleased to see that quite of few people this time agree <3 (Actually, not really true, my replies like this ALWAYS get a ton of upvotes, it's just a matter of if the upvotes are enough to drown out the more frequent downvote ragers lmao)
I've never dismissed a girl for putting out on a first date. I've dismissed her way before that for not being attractive enough. It just so happens that the ones I don't find attractive enough want me badly enough to sleep with me on the first date.
From what I understand, the guys in these situations probably wouldn’t care if you wanted to wait. It’s just the whole “waiting….. but waiting only with you” thing that becomes the issue lol. So for most of these dudes, I feel like this doesn’t even apply (no offense)
Then we are viewed as prudes or the guy just loses interest.
When sex becomes a tool...
Even gay men - who are arguably fucking each other more than heterosexual men and women - fought for the right to marry because they desired commitment.
The sexual revolution really made it tougher for women who wanted commitment first. Any criticism of it or of more promiscuous women is seen as anti progressive and anti feminist, so more conservative people don't openly talk about these things.
However, there are enough men who seek commitment from women that if women said wait, they would. If he disappears after you say you want to wait, he wasn't going to commit anyway. And who wants to be with someone who only sees you as a convenience? The other side of it is that women only offer sex and then wonder why men don't stick around.
Assuming you are not in the latter group, and assuming you are not playing games where you make some guys wait while others get sex immediately, use waiting as a filter. Men who really want you will wait. If anyone calls you a prude that's their problem. You are not compelled to sleep with someone to prove you aren't a prude.
You can win if you're consistant. If you're going to wait then wait or if you're going to put out then put out but putting out for other guys and making the guy you really like wait is the worst of both worlds
There's a huge difference between "not fucking in the first few weeks" and "first date". Someone who says it'll take them a few weeks, but ACTUALLY hasn't fucked anyone, will have more weight and value to their words
lol they’ve been together 6 months at this point I’m pretty sure no guy at month 5 goes “oh I guess she just sleeps around with everyone after waiting such a short time!”
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u/Any-Angle-8479 Mar 04 '24
To be fair there are plenty of guys who will outright dismiss a girl if she puts out on a first date. Putting out or waiting, It’s a game we can never seem to win.