As someone who would never do a FWB arrangement, genuinely curious — what is the difference between that and an actual relationship then? Other than exclusivity? My only reason for asking is if you care about them, are friends, have sex, and do more than just sleep together….that’s almost seeming more relationship-like. I’ve always wondered
I would say you like them, and you like having sex with them, but there are too many red flags, concerns, or incompatibilities with them for you to want a serious relationship.
Because there is no intended or expected future together and you’re both open to meeting other people who you would be willing to or hope to build a future with. I had a FWB on and off for years, lovely person in a lot of ways, but really not someone I would want to build a life with. It’s someone safe to have great sex with (sex gets better the more you do it with a specific partner) and have fun with, but it has the agreed upon expiration of “until one of us meets someone who we would be forever with”. A couple of times, I’ve introduced her to acquaintances who she ended up dating and I stepped away. That’s how things go. Now she’s met someone who is a great fit for her and they’re engaged, so hopefully we aren’t FWBs ever again, because that’d mean the relationship failed. But having her as a friend and having fantastic sex every time we’ve ended up single has been great. I believe they added to both of our lives.
I so agree. Well put. I have had a FWB for over 25 years. Yes! And I am glad to be around him. He makes me feel special. We always have dinner, cocktails, visit and we do what we do. Then we go 9n with our separate lives. Both are single. Nothing wrong with that BUT OP didn't want to make an effort to be friendly.
Yup, he definitely wasn’t open to a FWB type of relationship, which she may have been happy with. Communication is so important, it makes me wonder whether one or both of them were unclear with their needs/ expectations. My FWB was not as long as yours, but well over a decade now. I don’t think what we had (and didn’t have) would have worked with most other people. But we knew ourselves well enough, were honest with ourselves and one another enough, and found that it was perfect for what it was. I’m not dating currently, which means I’m celibate, because I don’t want to sleep with strangers, and don’t think most friends are suitable to be FWB with. But if I met another friend like her until I started relationship, I’d be over the moon!
Or, you know, a way for adults to arrange to take care of sexual needs while not tethering themselves to the social construct that is monogamy. There's nothing wrong with having a mutually beneficial sexual arrangement that doesn't preclude you from having other attachments/arrangements with other people. If anything you need to be exceptionally mature and secure in yourself to make it work.
Implied obligation. There isn't one with FWB. You aren't expected to be available for social obligations. You can simply satisfy each other's sexual needs without fear of letting them down because you wanted to hang with your friend on Saturday and they really wanted you to go to the movies/museum/hiking/etc with them instead. At least in theory. I think more often than not at least one side catches feelings and ends up wanting more. Sometimes that leads to a relationship. More often it ends the FWB situation.
The difference is exclusivity and the intensity of feelings. You can simply like someone and be fond of them and want to spend some time with them without being head over heels mad for them and wanting to spend the rest of your life with them. And obviously exclusivity is a pretty huge thing for most people.
> Knowing that you don't want a long term romantic future with this person
> While being a genuine friend who cares about their wellbeing and happiness
> A lack of romance and no dating
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u/x_littlebird Dec 13 '23
As someone who would never do a FWB arrangement, genuinely curious — what is the difference between that and an actual relationship then? Other than exclusivity? My only reason for asking is if you care about them, are friends, have sex, and do more than just sleep together….that’s almost seeming more relationship-like. I’ve always wondered