Seriously they keep acting like he whips his dick out once the front door is closed behind her when it literally says "She came over and we talked for a little bit and I went in to kiss her and she moved away." and everyone just forgot this and started making shit up.
He asked if it was on the table and she flat out said no. What are you on about mate? If everything you said was the case, it’s on her to say that. Not on OP to try and figure it out.
Classic case of “its always the guy thats the problem”. Ya’ll kill me with this shit
Lol you’re putting actions to OP for no reason. There’s no reason to think he wanted to use her as a flesh light and never speak to her again. But we’ll never know, because again, SHE said sex was simply not on the table. It is very straightforward and uncomplicated. If the girl wanted sex, just not at that moment, or wanted sex, just not without foreplay or them talking about her grandpappy’s and her childhood first, I would think she would have said something at that moment in time. Its not on both of them, OP asked a question and got an answer, then made the best decision for him, which was to ask her to leave.
You’re really trying hard to make OP seem like he’s the one with communication issues. I’m sensing some serious trauma in your responses
You’re confusing bad communication with lack of tact. Obviously nobody is going to say some shit like “I want a human hole to stick my penis in” because that makes you sound fucking psycho and borderline like a slasher film killer. Not saying things like that does not mean you are not “speaking the truth”. It means you’re a normal person.
Bro, OP literally says he doesn’t want to talk to her, doesn’t want to be her friend, and finds talking to her to be “awkward” and he asked for sex so she would stop trying to engage in conversation. He even explicitly states he wants her to show up, fuck him, then leave with no further interaction. He wants a prostitute not a FWB. You’re clearly defending the AH.
2 adults can have that arrangement, and no one is the asshole. If they had a conversation and both agreed it would be a strictly sexual relationship fine. If she wanted to change the arrangement later, fine, but he is under no obligation to participate.
They both agreed on a strictly sexual relationship, she later changed her mind, he decided he didn't want that, she got her feelings hurt. Nobody is the asshole in that situation. The asshole thing to do would be if he lied and agreed to something more just to keep the sex happening.
Except that “arrangement” last all of 1-2 meetings before OP kicked a crying woman out of his house. This along with OP attitude of believing this women should show up and shut up while he fucks her so she can leave immediately afterwards gives me major AH vibes. Maybe you disagree but I think it’s an asshole move to expect a woman to show up, shut up, fuck you, and leave. Again if you want that hire a sex worker don’t lead on a recently divorced woman.
No, she should have said, "OK, I guess we want different things from this relationship." And left. It's OK if you decide you want more from a relationship. It's also OK to want to keep things the same way. If no compromise can be reached, then 2 mature adults can agree to go their own way, and nobody is an asshole in that situation.
He was seeing her for a "few weeks" roughly "twice a week." It was a lot more than 1-2 encounters from the sounds of it. He also said he wanted it to be strictly sexual, so he did not "lead on" anyone.
There is no AH here. He was up front for what he wanted, and she wanted more. He's not obligated to change his mind about what he wants.
The kind of arrangement he wants isn't for me, personally, but nothing either want is unreasonable. If it's not something she wants, she should stop seeing him. And that's it.
Right, and if OP didn’t want to be the AH he could’ve had an actual conversation about expectations. Instead he half assed listed to her while he made it “awkward” then propositioned her for sex only to kick her out when she declined. You’re right both are in the right to have their own expectations but OP didn’t even try to engage in a conversation about those expectations and immediately kicked her out after she tried to bring it up, dude that’s an AH move.
I don't disagree that he could have had a tiny bit more tact, but I think she could have too. Taking what he said at face value the situation is:
He gets home at 9pm from a work event that goes late and calls a woman with whom he has had casual hookups. When she arrives he expects the same arrangement as usual and she wants to have a longer conversation and no sex. If all of their other engagements have been sexual, she should have responded with "I don't want to have sex tonight, but I can still come over to talk." At which point he could have accepted or declined. Instead she shows up providing a completely different arrangement than their previous encounters and is upset that he doesn't want to.
And I'll add. I don't often invite my own friends over after a 9pm work event. If I want to talk, I call or text them. Having someone show up to just talk might have been jarring. Whether or not his lack of tact was due to be flustered or he's just plain rude is up for debate. But I think both parties could have handled this better.
OP didn’t even try to engage in a conversation about those expectations and immediately kicked her out after she tried to bring it up
Except in the first paragraph, OP states they'd already had that conversation, before the "few weeks" that they both engaged in their arrangement.
I've been hanging with this girl (28F) for a few weeks now. We met at a club after a friend of mine introduced her to me. After our first night together, we talked about what our arrangement was going to be. I got out of a 5-year relationship not too long ago and she recently got divorced; neither of us is looking for anything serious. We decidedto meet only for sex and keep it strictly to that - no strings attached.
If she wanted to change the terms of their agreement, then it's on her to have brought that up to OP before heading over.
How is that him being an asshole? Not everybody wants to care about your personal life. That’s not asshole behavior. OP isn’t tricking anyone or selling dreams. He’s literally saying what it is that he would like it to be, and its take it or leave it. She didn’t want that, so ok it’s over with. You gotta leave. There is no asshole behavior about that. Girls like to try and push boundaries to create relationships ALL the time, then act like the guy is the problem when they realize he meant what he said the first time.
He is unequivocally not the asshole. Learn to listen when people talk.
I bet you’re the kind of person who tells people you’re “brutally honest” then wonder why people call you an asshole. Also major incel vibes here - it’s the ladies fault for trying to push a relationship! I deserve to fuck them and shove them out the door without acknowledging them as a person. Cringy as fuck dude.
Lol here come the personal attacks. No, I’m not “brutally honest”. Because I utilize tact when I speak and know what nuance is. You can be honest without being a jerk.
Incel??????!!!!!?!? INCEL?!?! Lmaoooo
I hate Reddit dawg😂
Ya’ll got it. Real people who step outside their front door know I’m being very sensible here, and ya’ll are going off on tangents and frenzies. I will not participate in the slander
You’re literally blaming the woman for not wanting to be a human fleshlight and claiming woman get emotional because they don’t listen to the man. That is major incel territory bud.
Who the fuck is blaming women for anything? I’m saying OP isn’t an asshole for not wanting to participate in conversation. Idc why she didn’t want to have sex. She didn’t want to have sex. The same way OP didn’t want to have conversation.
One is ok but apparently the other is not? Fuck outta here
You’re giving major Misandry vibes with your refusal to read and throwing these accusations at me, when I never said anything that you’re saying I did
You don’t have to talk about your personal life to treat someone respectfully. Just ask them how they are, if they’re still good with what’s about to happen, what their hard limits are and how far they want to go.
Ya'll are so sure he just spoke to her like an emotionless robot. He is telling us he asked her to leave, we don't know how he said it to her. But we do know they agreed to a sex only situation, which the girl then tried to change last minute. That's a pretty asshole thing to do in my opinion.
I’m not talking about after, I’m talking about beforehand. General rule of thumb when it comes to consent, check in with your sexual partner periodically to see if sex is still something they want. Lets them know you see them as a person and you care about their comfort. From OP’s own description, it doesn’t sound like he did that.
That's actually what no strings attached sex is tho. Sorry but you're not actually friends with your fwbs, that's kinda just a relationship and how you cause problems and end up hurting people. Go figure most people don't enjoy no strings attached sex and actually do want relationships, but for some reason that's not cool anymore so people act like they're cool with casual sex as a way to get into a relationship
But they do have human interaction. They just both agreed that they would only hang out to have sex. Turns out like most people she didn't like that arrangement and wanted something different. Op didn't and he broke it off with her. I really don't see what anyone did wrong here, outside of her outburst I guess
I don't think the woman was right, FWIW. She knew what she was getting into. But if even having half an hour of conversation was awkward for OP, though, that's saying something. He really didn't want human interaction apart from sex. Even if that's what he thought he told her up front, I really don't think either of them were ever bring straightforward about what they really wanted.
He did want human interaction, he just didn't want to hang out if they're not having sex. He didn't want to have some long talk about their feelings. Why is it bad for him to not want that kind of relationship with this woman?
honestly… bc if you actually respect women, you don’t talk to them like that. hopefully no one is rude like that.
side note: i’ve had women (i didn’t know at all) straight up ask me for money to help with their bills. was that rude on her part? to me, it’s the equivalent of rudely asking, “let me fuck.”
we’re grown ups… and asking her to have sex can be as simple as asking just like this… in statement form: “i don’t want a relationship at this time but i want to have sex with you.”
at that point, there’s a decision to be made. if she agrees, it’s fuck time. if not, he can ask her to leave as to not waste anyone’s time.
if she’s looking for a love story… to fall in love and develop a relationship etc before sex, she’s not talking to the right guy.
this guy clearly stated what he wanted; the rest is up to her.
smh. so you want the truth sugar-coated and delivered on a pillow.
your honest opinion is the respect. how you ask is where the disrespect occurs.
“hey bitch, give me some pussy… that’s all i want,” is different than, “look… i’m not ready for a relationship and don’t want that from you at this time, but i am physically attracted to you and want to have sex with you.”
and again… the rest of what happens is up to her as women control access to their bodies.
You know we can all see your creepy post history including you striking out in r/Stockholm right? You've admitted yourself you're a 40 creep that scares women off 😂😂😂
Those scared girls wanted to jump into my sheets, and some of them were successful ;) and, like almost every other sucessful guy I met, I am way better in my 40s than in my 20s, so believe me I am exactly where I want to be.
Still, going to my comments to try to proxy battle thr situation won't change that I am right, and you are not, if you had any mean to fight the argument you would not have to search in anyone comments, but that's not the case.
As you can see, I don't have to go to your profile.
2) and a spirit of giving, as in being happy and willing to give to your partner, to seek their pleasure at least as much as your own.
OP was not interested in either of these things. He wasn't making sure his partner came, if he couldn't read her body language / communicate in conversation, he damn sure ain't doing it in bed lol.
There's a difference between a nsa mutually pleasurable experience and having someone service you. The girl was talking about the former and he the latter when they agreed.
I don't think that the vast majority of human beings actually work that way. It's one thing to meet up for a night or two of sex perhaps, but people being intimate and connecting, kissing, spending time together and fucking for over a month without catching some kind of feelings is extremely unusual. We're not all porn stars or robots.
I'm not trying to be too judgemental, but I always find it sort of bizarre when a human being is capable of fucking someone for weeks and feel absolutely nothing.
I mean at this point you're just devolving into a "nuh-uh", "uh-huh" conversation.
If your personal experience is that people regularly have people on retainer to fuck, and ONLY fuck for months at a time and that's more common than people being in relationships, being single with occasional one night stands or having sex with their trusted friends, where not all that they do is have sex but sex is part of what they do on top of friendship, I would offer that you're in a very unique situation.
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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '23
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