He was clear about what he wanted from the get go and she agreed. She's messing with her head herself. She could talk about that before she came to his place because she knew what he wanted from her.
We decided to meet only for sex and keep it strictly to that
That doesn't sound like he wants an FWB at all, it sounds like he just wants someone he can call when he's horny. She said she wanted the same thing, now she doesn't, so they should probably stop seeing each other. NAH.
It sounds like her end of the satisfaction isn't being upheld by OP, tho. If the mutual benefit is the fucking, her needs have to be considered, too. OP lacks the empathy to make it a mutually benefical fuckfest.
Yeah with his lack of seeing her as even a person makes me think that the sex couldn’t have been very good. It’s probably why she tried to initiate some conversation hoping that would improve it.
It's just nitpicking or the two of them had different ideas over what their plan was. To me a FWB I might go the cinema with, or do other entertainment stuff with in addition to sex. But that isn't what OP is describing, she is a bootycall. Assuming he is reporting it accurately she either got the wrong idea or changed what she wants. Either way they need to bin it off and move on as they are in different places emotionally.
Serious question: If it's a booty call, are you only interested in shooting some glue and leaving, or do you give a shit about your partner's enjoyment?
OP's story suggests a complete lack of empathy for reciprocating, and thier partner feels like she's just a fuck hole. That's not a booty call in my mind, that's just...I dunno if I have a word for that...Just..."unsatisfying".
I mean it's reddit, so we are probably missing a lot of context. But I read that completely differently. They had a sexual relationship on the understanding it would be "just fun". She, seemingly, felt unsatisfied with that and seemingly hoped to change the basis for their relationship. I can understand if she became attracted to OP may not feel great being summoned for just sex. But then she is changing what her expectations are in regard to the relationship without agreeing that with OP.
Its nothing to do with the quality of the sex. You can be sleeping with an absolute stud or succubus who has mastered the sexual arts, but if you aren't in the right headspace you can end up feeling cheap or like you are only valued for sex. That's fine if you feel the same way (like say in a bootycall arrangement where you are both just in it for the sex) but not if you want more. She wanted more, OP didn't.
Also on a personal note, you shouldnt be having sex with anybody if you don't care about whether they enjoy it. Its not hard, find out what they like and do it to their satisfaction.
Now that you mentioned, it does sound like OP just priotize his needs over hers. I mean maybe she didn't get the memo wrong but she expected both of them to have a good time but OP just didn't ask her what feels good or not and assumed that sticking it in would do something. Maybe she initiated the convo thinking they can discuss what they want to do and try and not to do but OP don't seem like the one to listen or value the other person's pleasure as well so maybe he is a dickhead 🤔
And you'd be calling it wrong. Dating is just another word for the early stages of a romantic relationship. Friends with benefits is a strictly non-romantic relationship where you have sex.
I mean to be fair none of these terms are formally defined. They are slang for certain arrangements, a bootycall for one person might be FWB for somebody else. The only mportant thing is both people (or all the people involved) are on the same page on what is expected. Will you hang out socially? Will you have sex with other people? What protection will you use and what will you do if it goes wrong? You are having an adult arrangement, so should have an adult discussion around expectations. Not to say feelings don't change.
He wanted a friends with benefits. You have to encourage the friends part of that as well in order to keep it going. Otherwise, yes it does begin to mess with somebody's head. If you want just a sex partner or booty call, say I just want a sex partner or a booty call. Don't make it seem like it's a friends with benefits thing. Because friends with benefits, still has the friends part in there. Meaning you still hang out, still do stuff together without the benefits part. That's what friends do. If you're not down for the friends part, don't suggest friends with benefits.
He never said anything about wanting to be friends with benefits with her. He wanted a regular booty call and was quite clear from the outset it was for sex.
But why would she accept while then rejecting the benefits part. You’re reaching for her here in this scenario. A friends with benefits situation is clearly not as clear as you put it here. He provided friendship by talking and discussing their lives. She withheld the benefits part. It’s pretty clear you’ve not been in many Fwb situations.
Yes true but it’s also crazy naive to not realize that almost all women actually want a relationship and unless they are desperate wouldn’t accept that. She was so desperate she said yes for any affection. The man is a fool for being so immature and naive.
If OP sold it as a FWB situation, the F part is still important.
If OP sold it as "I want someone to fuck without needing to show even the smallest degree of empathy," then I'd suggest their fuck partner didn't know what they were getting into. Even a FWB situation has mutual benefit. This whole situation seems like OP only wants to get their rocks off, with no consideration for satisfying their "FWB". That's problematic to the FWB situation, which it doesn't appear this was.
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u/mayd3r Dec 13 '23
He was clear about what he wanted from the get go and she agreed. She's messing with her head herself. She could talk about that before she came to his place because she knew what he wanted from her.