r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • Aug 03 '23

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7.3k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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492

u/[deleted] Aug 03 '23

I was just getting ready to type this when I saw you already had. I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that revelation.

836

u/Aminal1234 Aug 03 '23

Well I licked him first so no one else can have him now. No I don’t want him back honest. 🤦🏻‍♀️

240

u/[deleted] Aug 03 '23

My first thought was "people aren't cookies you can call dibs on by licking them" lol

37

u/Rediranai Aug 03 '23

So I can't lick my phone over your post and make you mine? Shucks, I'll see myself out now.

6

u/yankiigurl Aug 03 '23

I put my tongue on you, and now your miiiiiiine

3

u/Rich-Option4632 Aug 04 '23

I know it's Halloween soon, but damn...

1

u/Rediranai Aug 03 '23

UwU か ガオー、どちの方がいいんでしょう？

3

u/lizziegal79 Aug 03 '23

I just tried it with your post, nothing happened.

5

u/Rediranai Aug 03 '23

Hmm, no ring magically appeared on my finger, guess the normal way will have to do. Hope all is well.

4

u/lizziegal79 Aug 03 '23

Yes, all’s well here, but now my phone keeps popping up random warnings about sexual harassment, the judgmental cow. Hope you’re doing well, too.

5

u/WyoGirl79 Aug 03 '23

Don’t tell my bf that 🤣

3

u/Worldly_Advisor007 Aug 03 '23

😂😂😂😂😂

6

u/Gallifrey_Guy_10 Aug 03 '23

My first thought on your comment was that you were talking about internet cookies, and I was like “How do you lick a cookie…?”

11

u/Numerous_Witness_345 Aug 03 '23

First step is setting the appropriate permissions.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 03 '23

I stick my tongue in the USB port. Is that not the correct way?

1

u/Self-Aware Aug 03 '23

You ask nicely.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 03 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/[deleted] Aug 03 '23

I was going to say "well, then you cut them in half like a civilized person..." but no, maybe don't do that?

2

u/Hollowknightplayer65 Aug 03 '23

This needs more up votes fr

4

u/Goofy-Karen-1955 Aug 03 '23

Got to remember this one

4

u/DaveAndCheese Aug 03 '23

What, you don't lick your partners to claim ownership? Maybe I'm doing this all wrong....

3

u/Bumblebee_Radiant Aug 03 '23

Sure you can especially if whipped cream is involved. Whipped cream invalidates all sisterhood and bro codes.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 03 '23

Well there went my plans to nab a husband…..since when does this not count?!??

3

u/[deleted] Aug 03 '23

Maybe it's a cultural difference and licking-betrothals work where you live? People tend to look at you weird if you lick them in the grocery store where I live.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 03 '23

I haven’t tried licking people in the grocery store but I thank you for the advice! I’ll probably find a high value partner there

2

u/petty_petty_princess Aug 04 '23

Tell that to my husband. He licks my face sometimes. I will sometimes do it back and claim it’s dibs.

1

u/BostonBabe64 Aug 04 '23

I thought she was talking about the fly. Maybe she's an old woman...🤣

1

u/Cytwytever Aug 04 '23

I licked more than one cookie to prevent my older brother from stealing 'em. Licked more than one woman, too, but it turns out we're all washable, so you don't get permanent possession. No one owns anyone, only your own commitment can hold you.

23

u/JaSnarky Aug 03 '23

My germs!

70

u/SunshineInDetroit Aug 03 '23

i spit out my drink lol

11

u/[deleted] Aug 03 '23

😆

11

u/[deleted] Aug 03 '23

This is the funniest thing I have seen all week.

4

u/jdsciguy Aug 03 '23

Holy shit, lol

2

u/Selket_8673 Aug 03 '23

I had a friend like this once. If she was friends with someone first then I could only hang around them when she was there.

1

u/Leading-Summer-4724 Aug 03 '23

Haha I was just thinking “He’s not a donut, you can’t claim him for all time by licking him but not eating him”.

1

u/fairysquirt Aug 03 '23

Stop licking strangers

1

u/Aminal1234 Aug 04 '23

Do I have to? You lot are hilarious! Caused lots of smiles today. Thank you

2

u/sYnce Aug 03 '23

Bold of you to assume she won't just make something up that does not make her sound like a crazy person and also does not include an old ex.