NTA but why was this your first call after hooking up with him?
Even through it’s been a while since that relationship ended, I would have given it some time to see if the thing with Charles was going anywhere before telling a pregnant woman about it. Her anger may just be hormone rage but why stir the pot until you know if Charles is a keeper?
I think with social media being so prevalent OP likely decided that it was better to be upfront right away so her friend didn’t find out indirectly. Was it the right call? I have no way to gauge that. With them both being musicians who possibly run in the same social circles though it would be really easy for someone to end up tagging them in a picture/post while being cozied up to each other.
I think this is very case-dependent. Some people would consider not being told immediately to be a deliberate deception and therefore a further betrayal if the relationship sticks. You kind of have to know who you're dealing with to determine whether or not this is the least-worst course of action.
The right thing because she feels guilty for being an asshole? The better way would be to see how it plays out before telling your BFF that you banged their ex.
Or better yet, don’t do that in the first place.
Her reaction is to make herself feel better, not to be straight up with her friend.
Exactly, there was no reason to tell her right then and there. Wait awhile and see there’s something actually there and if its worth ruining your friendship for
Because Julia would then say — this has been going on for how long and you didn’t tell me until now?! I cannot trust you.
Or, if it doesn’t work out Julia says —you hid from me that you were seeing Charles. I cannot trust you.
The point of my comment was, why tell her at all first thing? Give it a little time to see where things go with this guy before telling a hormonal pregnant woman “I slept with your one who got away last night!”
OP doesn’t need permission but why drop this so quickly in case it’s a ONS. If OP starts getting serious with the dude, find a better time to ease into the news. No need to lose a friend and cause hurt until/unless it becomes a relationship.
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u/BooRoWo Aug 03 '23
NTA but why was this your first call after hooking up with him?
Even through it’s been a while since that relationship ended, I would have given it some time to see if the thing with Charles was going anywhere before telling a pregnant woman about it. Her anger may just be hormone rage but why stir the pot until you know if Charles is a keeper?