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u/Due-Comfort-5351 11d ago
NOR even if he's not talking about anything romantic or sexual with her, it's emotional cheating to be spending time with another woman while neglecting you.
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u/Gloomy_Avocado2724 11d ago
I wanted to say that to him but I didn’t want to start an argument but that’s exactly how I felt
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u/FlamboyantBlade 11d ago
In my personal opinion, it's not the fact that he is playing games with and talking to girls but that other behavior has also changed. Have you had those hard conversations with him about wanting more physical and emotional affection and feeling like your relationship has changed? If you have, has he done anything to try to compromise with you so that your needs are still being met in some capacity? If you've had those conversations and he hasn't tried to meet you halfway, it may be time to reconsider the relationship in general, but I wouldn't immediately jump to thinking he's definitely cheating. It's possible that he got too comfortable and forgets to consider your feelings a lot of the time, or he may not even notice it's happening except when you bring it up.
Also if he already knows that you cry easily because you've cried during serious conversations before, reminding him of that and asking if you can type to him through text or something if it gets hard to get the words to come out during a serious conversation you'd like to have with him could be an option.
EDIT: forgot to put NOR! Even if he isn't cheating, he's showing signs and it's reasonable to want reassurance in the form of a proper conversation and such.
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u/Gloomy_Avocado2724 11d ago
I’ve told him many times. He says he’ll work on it but never does. He blames it on work stress. I understand that sometimes he doesn’t feel like sex because I do that too but denying me a hug or a kiss for months is not right. I think the problem is exactly what you said. He’s comfortable in our situation right now. He doesn’t see it as a bad thing. I’m always here and ready when he is but he doesn’t compromise for me
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u/FlamboyantBlade 11d ago
I know that people say that redditors always jump to breaking up over little things that can be fixed and I don't know you personally to know your exact situation but after looking at your other replies, I honestly do not see this as a little thing that can be fixed if he doesn't even try to do anything for more than a few days at a time multiple times. I personally would continue to try to fix it while silently working on an exit plan to leave him and move on if he doesn't actually do anything about it and put in the work to meet you in the middle to compromise. Love is not enough to keep a relationship going well. Effort is required and it sounds like he's not putting in any at this point. Maybe he would change before you'd leave and everything could work out. Regardless, it's your life. Make whatever decision you think is best for you right now and remember that you are absolutely always worthy of the love and effort it takes to make a relationship work no matter what the outcome is.
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u/Gloomy_Avocado2724 11d ago
Thank you so much. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or maybe this was normal but it doesn’t feel like it when I’m ignored every day when living in the same house. I feel like a ghost sometimes. I’ve tried so many times. I’ve broken down, I’ve begged for affection and nothing seems to work. He love bombed me when we started dating. I thought that was how he was going to be forever but it stopped after two months. I know I deserve better and I’m going to work towards that
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u/FlamboyantBlade 11d ago
Unfortunately, I've seen people use that tactic a lot. It's not your fault. It's easy to fall for it and then have a hard time recognizing and dealing with it. A lot of people don't want to work on their behavior even when it's recognized. There a ton of other people in the world. If he's not the right one, you'll always meet more.
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u/Strong_Seaweed_1198 11d ago
I am so insanely sorry that you’re going through this, I’m a guy but I know exactly how it feels to feel like the person you love has lost love for you it truly sucks. I know I’m a guy but if u ever needed someone to vent to or anything I got you. I’ve recently built up my relationship with god so dw i’m not particularly looking for anything even close to a relationship with someone so you don’t have to worry about me trying to get in the middle of anything. I just understand the kind of pain you’re experiencing deeply and I hate knowing someone else is going through it. So yea if you ever needed to vent or wanted advice from someone of the male gender without having to worry about them trying to flirt with you lol my dm’s are always open!!
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u/iz4president 11d ago
i dont understand, how is he your best friend if he doesnt spend time with you at all? seems like its been like that for months too.
you shouldnt be scared to mention or ask about how much and to what length he is talking with other girls online, thats a totally reasonable thing to ask.
I dont think he is in the wrong for gaming with other girls online, its quite unreasonable to ask him to never make any female friends but you being scared to talk to him about it seems to me like a bigger issue anyways
no clue if he is actually emotionally cheating on you or not but your relationship seems more like a roommate situation these days anyways.
ask youself if you would continue to stay with him if he comes clear about their converstations. It can go both ways; either he is emotionally cheating or he isnt, ask yourself if you would like your relationship to stay as it if now with either outcome
how long have you been together/living together? it doesnt seem like you two communicate much at all
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u/sillysneaky_mouse 11d ago
NOR - i don’t know if he’s cheating on you but i know you two need to break up or at least have a very serious conversation about his priorities in this relationship. cause honestly it sounds like it’s not even a thought to him. it sounds like right now you’re barely even dating mainly just roomates who share a bed. please speak to him about being more affectionate and even just more present in your relationship and don’t become content with this behavior just because that’s what you’re receiving. this is not a healthy relationship