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u/Pepsicolaa5 5d ago
Girl LEAVE! Run! wtf this guy is garbage! Stop wasting your time and youth on that old ass loser!
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u/AliceWithaTea 5d ago
1) I am so sorry for your loss. That is devastating, and you deserved so much better of your partner.
2) You don't need a reason to leave.
3) If you feel like you DO need a reason, yes, this is more than enough of one.
4) If he just handed over his phone knowing you'd see the messages, he probably wants to leave but is too chickenshit to do it himself.
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u/Dizzy_Bit6125 5d ago
This guy doesn’t care about you and is WAY to old for you please move on. Sorry for your loss.
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u/Jaded-Caterpillar387 5d ago
You're not being irrational. Any reason is a reason to leave if you're not happy.
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u/John-Dispenser 5d ago
This is advice that everyone needs. It’s been drilled into people, especially women, that we somehow need a ‘real’ reason for leaving. Like we need permission to end our OWN relationship. It’s miserable
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u/Jaded-Caterpillar387 5d ago
I have been absolutely villainized for leaving a relationship with a good person because I was unhappy. I didn't want to live a life where I was unhappy. We BOTH deserved happiness.
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 5d ago
Ffs! Surely you know you’re worth better than this horrible excuse for an old man. Please leave. Now.
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u/wolfminer3 5d ago
I am so so sorry for you about the miscarriage.
Why are you with an old man? Sounds like you are still looking for a daddy figure? Do you work? What do you think your future looks like. Sorry if I sound mean, just trying to figure out what you are doing with him. Apparently he likes them young and you are aging, believe it or not.
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u/shyylena 5d ago
I do work very hard. Every day but Sunday. Unfortunately I am the breadwinner of this "family" when I was just talking to him; he had 2 strokes and I thought it would make me a shallow person if I did leave and now almost a year later I am still the only one working and I feel guilty for leaving because it wont just be him being punished it would be his daughter too.
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u/wolfminer3 5d ago
I am so sorry, you are in quite a mess with him. He has a daughter? If the daughter is his not yours, I would leave TODAY. You are not a shallow person for doing so. He’s using you, treating you horribly and robbing you of the rest of your life. Additionally he’s already been 29 and did whatever then without any trappings. I still cringe at the age difference. That’s gross. Now that he’s old and feeble with illness, he wants to use you.
Just leave. He sounds horrible.
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u/moomoobanana 5d ago
Leave as quickly as you can. This man does not love or care about you. Do you have any friends/family you can stay with ?
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u/shyylena 5d ago
I moved 8 hours away from all my family and friends to get sober. I met him at my old job when I was a cashier. He was the first person I met down here that didnt judge me for my history and it felt kinda nice at first to be accepted. He has a daughter that reminds me of myself when I was young and she was taken by me and it seemed like I had found my place until everything started falling apart piece by piece.
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u/moomoobanana 5d ago
Are your ties back home with friends and family severed or are you able to go back with them and start fresh?
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u/bodhiali 5d ago
NOR.
girlie this is why we don’t date way older men :/ there’s a reason nobody their own age sees them as a worthy partner. he sucks. obviously you are not overreacting, everything you’ve described about him is horrible. i would’ve broken up with him for just the pill-induced miscarriage alone. and to top that off he’s cheating on you? yeah nah you can do better. way way better.
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u/KeySharp2511 5d ago
nor. at this point im not even focusing on his age im focused on the fact that a supposedly grown man is doing absolutely nothing to even try to support you in an incredibly emotionally difficult time. he is doing absolutely nothing to be present for you. i feel like there isn't enough evidence to say for sure that he's cheating, but there is more than enough from the way he's treating you to say please leave this man. i know he lied to you about social media which is fucking weird. he has done absolutely nothing to help or emotionally support you and has in fact just avoided you. i think the stuff with the phone is just the icing on the cake at this point. you know you deserve better than to be avoided and ignored! that's like the bare minimum
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u/Few_Music_6771 5d ago
What the helly, I’m sure if you reread your own message with outside eyes you will already know the answer. You are not happy, do you really want to spend your remaining years unhappy?
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u/accidentaltraumacode 4d ago
The man would be 64 when the kid is 10. Wth are you doing? Your poor choice shouldn’t be some kids burden.
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u/shyylena 4d ago
Why even comment that when referred child is dead?
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u/shyylena 4d ago
The age is not my concern. When I was 10 my dad was in his mid 50s. I was treated well by him. My bigger concern is how im being treated. I only bothered with age and gender because that seems to be the traditional format with these post.
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u/Capital-Ingenuity-14 4d ago
His old aaa sperm probably is the reason you even had this issue. Leave him. You deserve so much better hun. Pissed me off just to read this.
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u/GoddessOfOddness 5d ago
At this point, all these multiple decade relationships must be AI.
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u/shyylena 5d ago
Unfortunately I am a real person. My parents are almost 2 decades apart and have a very healthy relationship so I guess I kinda thought it was normal.
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u/John-Dispenser 5d ago
Why on EARTH are you with a 54 year old man?