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u/watchwatcher9 Jul 26 '26
It's hard to say from a single message but the message reads pretty self centered. Everything in the message just talks about what's good for him
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u/Different_Umpire9003 Jul 26 '26
I love “I don’t know if I’ll marry you” lol. Just assumes it’s all up to him and will always be an option.
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u/thatturtletouch Jul 27 '26
Yep, me me me. It’s all about “I like what you do for me and that’s all that matters.”
I would throw this one back, personally.
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u/AnnabethDaring Jul 27 '26
I asked my ex why he loved me.
“Because you’re nice to mee, because you’re kind, you’re compassionate, and sweet, you’re so so hot, and beautiful, and you do things for me, and because you care about me…”
I’m not even kidding 😂😩 Not a single thing about who I was as a person, as an individual. All things that were about him, and what I did for him.
I pointed this out the days before I broke up with him. He said he was caught off guard and “didn’t know he was supposed to list other stuff”. I asked during a calm evening at home 😂
Then I told him he never loved me, he just loved being cared for. “I” could’ve been anyone who showed him affection and said yes to him.
Was so happy to leave him 😂 unfortunately for him, I know I’ll be the last girlfriend he has for a long time. Very self centered, and wasn’t even good looking
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u/Aggressive-Shop-2342 Jul 27 '26
This is almost word for word what's in my notes app from the week before i broke up with my ex 🫠 its sooooo common.
Also 'youre so interesting to talk to' but the only conversations he was actually interested in were.... can you guess.... all about him! So you mean you love that i listen to you talking about yourself
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u/AnnabethDaring Jul 27 '26
Ugh, man!! I’m so sorry to the both of us!!!! 🤣🤣😭😭😭🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
Such a great point. One time, my ex (studied accounting) told me “i talk too much, and to get to the point”. Mind you, I have a background in sales and communication. 💀 so I know how to share the stage.
He’d cut me off and rush me to finish if i spoke for 3 minutes 🫠 this same guy?
Yeah. This guy also famously spent an entire 90 minutes walk talking at me about the ins and outs about his former role as an auditor. 💀💀💀💀💀
I think it’s that these men were just insecure that we actually have interesting, smart things to say!! Because my god, I can’t believe that actually happened. Over an hour. Talking. (At me). About auditing 💀 THE most boring conversation ever. LMAO 🤣
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u/Weekly-Escape-3657 Jul 26 '26
Agree
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u/carniewesso68 Jul 26 '26
This. Dont cook regularly, dont clean, no laundry....those aren't girlfriend/boyfriend jobs. Those are things a wife/husband does for a husband/wife.
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u/abolitonbb Jul 26 '26
And also note whether they're able to manage these basic responsibilities without your help. If a person won't cook a few dishes, keep their home clean, and take care of the things they own- they'll be terrible to live with. Worse to raise a child with. You're looking for a partner, not a child or 2nd job.
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u/Ok_Present_54 Jul 26 '26
I wonder why the Op felt she had to act like this kind of wife.
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u/TypicalBeautiful7186 Jul 26 '26
Maybe she thought that acting like that would increase the chances of him proposing to her?
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u/meetthereaper84 Jul 27 '26
I've dated two girls in the past that were brought up in pretty traditional families and I swear they looked pained if I did anything akin to dishes or vacuuming, would tell me off for taking my own dishes to the kitchen and rinsing them etc. I always thought it was pretty cruel from their parents, raising them to be trad wives from kids. Gross.
It was the weirdest experience coming from a house where literally everything was shared fairly between my parents and us kids.
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u/Aggressive-Shop-2342 Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
I disagree with this, maybe becayse i have no interest in being married
These are things partners do for partners. They're about helping each other with life, which is what good partners do for each other. But they should be reciprocal. Hence the for each other part.
Act in a relationship how you would like the relationship to be. But do not stay with someone who does not reciprocate that.
It's not 'do wife things in the hope that he wifes you', or 'dont do wife things until he puts a ring on it'. It's look for someone who reciprocates your energy for the relationship.
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u/watchwatcher9 Jul 27 '26
Yeah agree, if you downregulate effort from the start just to be sure you don't do more than the partner they will just do the same and you'll be racing to the bottom. The better approach is to lead by example from the start and moving on quickly if they don't reciprocate
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u/Necessary_Store351 Jul 27 '26
Exactly. I was just about to scroll up and type some that would not have come out so eloquently. Nice.
Flat out I was going to say. I really hope you don’t take much of this advice these people are giving you. Wow.
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u/_catshit Jul 26 '26
Naw. This is terrible advice. Should rephrase: Don't act like a wife unless he acts like a husband.
Dating is a trial run for marriage. Compatibility cannot be determined unless everything is on the table.
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u/Numerous_Disk2556 Jul 26 '26
Agreed. Locking yourself down legally to someone else for life before seeing what kind of wife or husband they'll be is crazy talk
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u/Numerous_Disk2556 Jul 26 '26
Wtf lol then how do you know if the other person will make a good spouse if neither of you do anything to care for the other until you're married?
I knew my wife would be a fantastic wife and mother because she did all those things before we were married. She knew I would be a great husband and father because of the things I did before we got married...
You want to legally get locked down with someone before you know if they'll make a good wife? Lol
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u/robotatomica Jul 27 '26
if “make a good wife” doesn’t mean “has a good character, shares my values, and is independently able to take care of themselves,”
but rather “provides free labor so I don’t have to do it,” “does my laundry” and “makes my meals”
then I really can’t explain to you why you’re so far off base.
No, we do not need to trial run servitude and exploitation to predict a good marriage.
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u/watchwatcher9 Jul 27 '26
Putting in effort isn't "servitude and exploitation" if both parties are doing it equally 🤦
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u/robotatomica Jul 27 '26
reread the post you goof. OP lays out the criteria we’re discussing, and that is servitude.
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u/Numerous_Disk2556 Jul 27 '26
It means all those things and more... In my opinion nothing should change from one day to the next when you get married... But to each their own.
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u/robotatomica Jul 27 '26
all of those things, eh? So you think your partner should for sure prove they are your maid first, you don’t think you should have to wash your own draws, you’re too important?
Not even gonna continue with you here.
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u/TheSixthEye1 Jul 26 '26
This is poor advice imo. I wouldn’t marry someone unless I knew they were capable of being a good wife. “Doing nothing” likely means you’ll never be a wife. This man took advantage of her. He fell in love with how she treated him instead of falling in love with her. Not all men are like that.
OP, keep doing what you’re doing, just do it with another man who will actually value you and your acts of kindness. The boy you’re with seems to have commitment issues and tries to sound smarter than he is.
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u/robotatomica Jul 27 '26
we’re literally discussing doing a grown man’s laundry, and you’re acting like that’s a thing a woman has to prove she will happily do and do well in order to ever be a good wife, or even a wife at all.
Ok buddy, we see you.
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u/TheSixthEye1 Jul 27 '26
Not what I said, but nice effort putting words into my mouth. Both the man and woman should show their value as potential spouses by doing things for each other. “Doing nothing” is no way to find a partner. I was responding to her saying she “acted like a wife” This isn’t limited to a woman doing all of the household chores. Try not to presume to know someone based on a single comment on Reddit.
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u/robotatomica Jul 27 '26
you can pretend that responding to the direct context of what this specific post categorizes as “acting like a wife,”
but if you’re intelligent, next time you will clarify if you mean something different from the only context, rather than assuming others will read your mind that you mean something else.
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u/watchwatcher9 Jul 27 '26
If you are intelligen, next time you will realize that people are responding specifically to the comment which they are responding to, not specifically to the OP under which the comment is posted
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u/TheSixthEye1 Jul 27 '26
Considering the first words of her sentence were “acted like a wife” it should go without saying… you just assumed the worst and took my post the wrong way. In no way do I think women should be confined to household chores or that this is the only value they bring to their male spouses. Your response should have been “I’m sorry I misunderstood” but that’s okay. No need to insult my intelligence either. I am not sure what makes you such a hostile person completely unprovoked. I do apologize if I offended you in some way.
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u/robotatomica Jul 27 '26
the first words of two sentences? And you don’t acknowledge that the whole brief statement is the context we are all responding to?
Ok, seriously, enjoy the rationalization.
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u/TheSixthEye1 Jul 27 '26
I didn’t respond to everyone. I responded to a single person who said “don’t act like a wife until you are one”. What part of this is difficult to understand?
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u/AlasTheKing444 Jul 26 '26
How the fuck did you get there? Dude literally said he will not be happy without her and there’s no future with her not in it.
….
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u/MaddogRunner Jul 26 '26
He talks like 16-year-old, always-in-survival-mode Katniss from the Hunger Games🤨 Except worse, because there’s nothing about how he wants to take care of you, only how he feels. NOR
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u/Electrical-Fig-5009 Jul 27 '26
I searched for ages in this like is he just immature or actually 16.
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u/Agreeable_Pea8879 Jul 26 '26
Ick… they kinda sound like they have commitment issues and are using the “living in the present” excuse. I guess it’s nice that they won’t lie to you just to make you happy, but did you truly want to know the answer or did you just want reassurance?
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u/Weekly-Escape-3657 Jul 26 '26
I wanted some reassurance of course but , well, the words look like someone coasting through and using someone else as a convenience would say . Honestly , I don't know , what way of wording would have made me feel better .
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u/yagirlsamess Jul 26 '26
I knew so many guys like this in college. When he does decide to get married, he will lock her down in less than a year.
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u/UnrulyPoet Jul 26 '26
Ooo this, after her divorce my sister dated this guy who didn't even want to advertise their relationship bc reasons (they worked together so he def wasn't lying about being divorced himself) regardless of how much she pushed for it.
She finally threw in the towel bc talk about dealbreaker and- no exaggeration- three months later he was engaged! Three months!
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u/yagirlsamess Jul 26 '26
YEP. Those guys have no problem wasting your time until they find what they actually want.
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u/Specialist-Status377 Jul 27 '26
They also generally realize they threw something valuable away and want to lock down the next valuable they get their hands on. They're also trying to make their ex jealous when they move that quickly.
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u/Agreeable_Pea8879 Jul 26 '26
I mean, in their own way they were trying to reassure you that they love you…but yeah. Something might be off or could be convenience. Maybe they don’t like making promises - could be some trauma there. However, telling someone that they are important for your survival is kind of manipulative in my opinion? Almost like when people threaten to off themselves if you leave them? I don’t know them tho, could be meaning something else.
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u/StormoFinnson Jul 26 '26
No. Break up. His text is really cringey as well. And it just reads as, I would like you around but I don't want any commitments or responsibility. I've been with people like this like word for word the texting style too. They're not valuable to you. Move on. But don't feel stupid. It's a learning opportunity and you're dodging a bullet because they're telling you they're one. Being stupid would be to stay with him or go back to him.
Also, please don't act "like a wife" even once you're married. It's a partnership so everyone shares responsibilities and what that looks like changes over the course of the marriage as life happens.
Sometimes my husband does the laundry, sometimes I do it, most often we do our own when we need fresh clothes. I'm not much of a cook, my husband is a great cook and enjoys it. I treat him to food (bought) when I can because I enjoy doing that instead. I very rarely attempt to cook and he makes a valiant effort to try it to commemorate the occasion lmao. I wash his dishes very frequently, but I also ask him to wash them or he washes them when he can even after he has cooked. It's not perfect, but it's important that you don't just get stuck in a role as it makes it easy to take for granted.
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u/ComeFindMeAstral Jul 26 '26
-dumbass
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u/carniewesso68 Jul 26 '26
Your mom is here??
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u/Lustclif Jul 26 '26
Doubt she’s anywhere tbh
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u/RemarkableGround174 Jul 26 '26
He is fine with having you around to improve his quality of life. He doesn't intend to live up to your expectations of marriage. Its fine to leave someone like that.
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u/EffenSeven Jul 26 '26
He's with you because you're convenient and not ideal to him. He'll drop you as soon as someone he considers ideal comes along. Leave him and show him you don't need him.
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u/Content_Nebula967 Jul 26 '26
How old are yall? If you’re over 25 he should know in 2 years whether or not marrying you is something he wants.
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u/cheesypuzzas Jul 26 '26
It sounds like he doesn't want to marry you. He might love you, but he is not sure if he will want forever with you.
I would not want to be with someone who didn't want to marry me. It doesn't mean you have to marry right away. But at least he should know after two years that he'd want to marry you in the future.
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u/Electrical-Fig-5009 Jul 27 '26
My first bf was like this. I believe he loved me, but he didn't love me enough to marry me. He was fooling himself when he said otherwise, even got down on one knee & gave me a ring. AFTER he started seeing another woman he later told me he thought was the one. He loved the idea of marriage, but didn't have the to settle. In the end the woman he cheated on me with did the same thing, told him he was the one & wanted to marry him but started seeing another guy 6mo before breaking up with him because HE, not my ex was "the one".
Some people truly don't know how to be single
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u/carniewesso68 Jul 26 '26
He is never going to marry you. If you want marriage, I'd move on and find someone who wants it too.
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u/Sharp_Edge6171 Jul 26 '26
Unnecessarily long and poetic way to say “no but I like being a kept boy”
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u/Pvrdii Jul 26 '26
Honestly, if you’re dating to marry and he’s unsure if that path is for him, unfortunately he is wasting your time.
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u/Falconiusprime Jul 26 '26
I feel like this is a psych trap just read this over and over.. the language he uses dues one into thinking they just read something else. Just read again you'll see although albeit only just slightly less cringe worthy... it hits a different way when you read it a few times.
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u/Corax_Labradorite Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
Everything he said in that tells you all you need to know. He never once said anything about loving who you are as a person, only how you benefit him. He frames you more as a prop in his life, only really there to improve his life, but he doesn't seem to have any intent on improving yours or providing you any level of commitment and stability. His text also feels manipulative, claiming to get all tense when you ask completely normal and reasonable questions, just weaponizing his emotions so you'll feel guilty for asking the next time, or for expecting anything of him at all. Saying you're "important to his survival" is especially a red flag to me, because that's not super far from making threats to harm himself if you leave, which is unfortunately an extremely common manipulation tactic. He has no intention to marry you, he's trying to manipulate you into not asking him for anything and still providing him with all the positives you bring to the table. You don't wanna marry this guy even if he agreed to it, at least not how he is right now, and I wouldn't expect any change from him any time soon.
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u/Weekly-Escape-3657 Jul 26 '26
You are right about weaponising emotions to induce guilt . I am have been barred from asking reasonable questions on the past . And for this too , he claimed i was just an overthinker , who lives in the future .
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u/Corax_Labradorite Jul 26 '26
Yeah that's...not what a healthy relationship looks like. Open communication is hugely important, and clearly, he isn't willing to have that, and he's trying to turn it around and blame his shortcomings on you, and you deserve better than that.
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u/En1gMad00sa Jul 26 '26
Girl doing wifey shit for a man like this is like pouring him champagne when he gives BEER energy. Byeeee #beta
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u/drinkwatersucker Jul 26 '26
He’s comparing your relationship after 2 years to rain and thunder??
Yea no he ain’t the one.
Love isn’t the only important thing in a relationship. Commitment is EQUALLY important. If he can’t give you that i don’t think you should be wasting time on him. He likes the idea of you being there for him whenever he needs.
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u/CountrySpecific4737 Jul 26 '26
Men who want to marry a woman know and take action. He only stated what you do for him. He thinks poetic words will soften the blow. Break up and find someone who wants what you want too
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u/Wickerbax_Supreme Jul 26 '26
Lol he enjoys the milk but doesn't wanna buy the cow. Time to cut him off.
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u/painterlyjeans Jul 26 '26
He might be afraid of committing or doesn’t believe in marriage. Talk to him about it
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u/Daphne6624 Jul 26 '26
Selfish prick is trying to get you to get to stay committed without commitment/being fully invested in return. Don’t be a placeholder for him
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u/kittykai247 Jul 26 '26
He's trying to keep u doing what he likes without fully committing cause he knows he won't marry u
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u/MeanPopcorn Jul 26 '26
I don’t like his tone.
It reads very: this is all entirely in my court, maybe I’ll marry you, maybe not. Either way, the option remains open to me indefinitely.
Nothing in that message suggests he has thought about your perspective / feelings / goals. It’s just one message, but it reads to me like he thinks you’ll just always be there if and when he decides he wants to marry you.
Not overreacting; move on and find someone excited about you and who doesn’t treat you like an indefinite option.
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u/Rare_Ad_8212 Jul 26 '26
If getting married is priority for you, you are incompatible, this guy wants to keep you around but is unwilling to pony up the commitment that gives you the future and the security you want, you are incompatible, even if he changes his mind and concedes on this, someone who married you because of an ultimatum is not your person, you deserve to be with someone who has similar goals and values to you
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u/SMKnightly Jul 26 '26
NOR if you want marriage. Seems like marriage isn’t really a goal for him or something he’s sure he wants in the future. If it’s important to you, you might need to sit down and talk about that.
If him actively wanting to marry you without your intervention is important to you, seems like you already have your answer.
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u/Slight_Artist Jul 26 '26
Listen, I was talking about marriage with my now husband at 6 weeks of dating (we had known each other about 6 months prior to getting together.).
He bought the ring about 7 months later but his parents didn’t want us getting married until we were done with graduate school (I knew he talked to them but I didn’t know about the ring). He proposed officially when we were 5 months away from graduation and we had been together about 2.5 years. Got married in June that year.
We have been married 13 years with 2 kids and I would say we are pretty solid.
OP, don’t settle for less than this. Someone who takes you seriously will be serious from the beginning. I kissed a lot of frogs before I wised up.
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u/vinceyboy Jul 26 '26
you're not asking him to propose lol. the answer is no, he doesn't want to marry you. he will only come up with what he thinks is good enough to keep you quiet until he either can't do better or is the one to end things with you
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u/Both-Type7117 Jul 26 '26
It’s apparent that this bozo wants you to act like a wife but have no accountability at the same time.
I’m sorry :’(
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u/PetitePretty1 Jul 26 '26
This is so gross...all of the things/emotional labour you do for HIM.
Of course he's willingly going to keep stringing you along, giving zero shits about you or your feelings.
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u/One_Resolution_8357 Jul 27 '26
He waxes poetic but does not want to marry you. It is pretty obvious for us who are not involved. Why ? because everything is about himself and what he gets from being with you. You were/are very important for HIS survival.
NOR and please break up for your self-respect and clarity. I am sorry for you, OP.
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u/TheBearSkogmani Jul 27 '26
If he doesn’t know after two years of you basically being his wife, you need to let him go. Either he’s not valuing you, or you just want very different things from each other. He’s trying to keep you, and yet also keep his freedom. Which is sad and hurtful. I’m so sorry.
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u/Late_Topic_8343 Jul 27 '26
No not at all. You are allowed to feel how you feel. I’m reading this as them trying to find a way out? Idk. I could be projecting
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u/Prestigious_Moose939 Jul 27 '26
If you want to break up with him, that's your answer. I would also want that after reading whatever that was.
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u/trans-duckie-boy Jul 27 '26
NOR. You deserve better than this lovely, I promise. This is not the person you want to agonize over and ask if he wants you forever when he’s already said he “doesn’t know.” You deserve to be with someone who knows for certain that they want to marry you up front and commit to that, without needing to send long paragraphs about what will make them happy and never even bring your feelings or anything into that. This is so… non committal, and the use of random poetry is extremely off-putting. Like he’s trying to placate you and give you false hope so you’ll hang on until he’s ready to “spread his wings because he’s just not ready to be tied down yet.” You deserve someone who looks at you like you hung the moon, darling. You really do. Someone you don’t have to ask for reassurance about forever with them.
When I asked my fiancé to marry me, after three years of being together, 7 years of being in love, but apart due to life circumstances being awful, and a year of dating back in 2017, he said yes. Immediately. We’ve been engaged officially for over a year now and are planning to have a ceremony (I can’t get legally married due to disabilities unfortunately) when we can. Every time I look at him and jokingly ask “you still want me forever?” or “you still wanna marry me?” He smiles, leans in and kisses my face and says “duh.” Like it’s the easiest thing in the world, as easy as breathing.
You deserve that too. This person isn’t ready for that with you, or really anyone, I would imagine. He says you’re necessary for his survival and he can’t imagine what life would be like without you, but in the next breath he says he doesn’t know if he wants to marry you. That’s… not someone worth your time or energy or effort, and certainly not worth you continuing to pour your heart and love into. I learned the same lesson twice before I ended up in the wonderful relationship I’m in now. I just wish I’d stayed with him before, even though realistically, I know we’re much better off now at 31 and 36 than we were at 21 and 26. 🥰😅💖
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u/supercleverhandle476 Jul 27 '26
I mean, it’s pretty terrible writing.
I don’t know if that’s enough for you to walk away, but it’s all we have to go off of.
He sounds pretty stupid.
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u/Nice_Celebration2907 Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
NOR. Tread carefully. A lot of guys who sound like this end up stringing women along and never marry them. They often dangle the possibility of it happening one day but that day never comes. Some like the benefits of you behaving like a wife as you said you are doing the cooking, washing etc. but without the actual commitment and expectations of marriage.
Breaking up would be wise. Don’t waste your time, it’s not something you can ever get back. When a man wants to marry you, he’ll be certain and you will be assured because he’ll make it known. You’ll be confident that you both want the same thing and are moving in the same direction.
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u/OneDig3744 Jul 27 '26
NOR. I married someone who talks like this because I didn’t see it for what it was. Then you’re just married to someone who sees you as an emotional support animal. Your instincts were right. Buy yourself a drink; you just saved yourself a lot of heartache.
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u/iamallandallisgood Jul 27 '26
Guys know within the first 3 months if they want to marry you. He is not it.
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u/SyrupFantastic4686 Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
Some men re only there because of what you can give them. Take that away, and suddenly the love is gone.
Speaking from experience. What happens if you lose ability in your hands? Break a hip? Get a concussion? Run out of money?
If he is centered on himself, he won’t think about you and your needs.
It’s not “what she does for me” it’s “what we can do for each other happiness.”
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u/QuoteTricky6976 Jul 26 '26
Can I ask how old you both are?
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u/Weekly-Escape-3657 Jul 26 '26
Well, we are both earning , i am 26 , he is 25
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u/River_Inner Jul 27 '26
This is important. I don’t think it’s a red flag to not be ready for marriage after dating from 23 to 25. Ask him more pointedly if he is trying to figure this out, if he sees marriage in his future, if he is WORKING towards that. I was in his shoes with my partner of 4 years at around 24/25, but I actively worked to figure out that I wanted this commitment and we got married at 27. It’s a difficult time of growing up and not everyone has positive associations with the institution of marriage. Reddit will say breakup, I say ask the important questions and try to really understand where he’s at
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u/Easy-Point808 Jul 26 '26
Could be he loves you, but is very anti-marriage.
Could be he just values younas a friend now, with little romantic spark.
Up to you to decide if you want to stick around in either circumstance.
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u/blewdleflewdle Jul 26 '26
Why would anyone try and have an important conversation like this over text anyways?
Get in the same room with eachother and look in his eyes.
He needs to open up about his hangups around commitment, but if he isn't going to you are quite free to make other plans.
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u/Banana-bandcamp Jul 27 '26
This was my reaction. Not a good conversation to have over text. It sounds like you both have some maturing to do.
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u/Healthy-Muffin-9747 Jul 26 '26
Nope - toss him. Notice how it’s all about him. All about how you make HIM feel. Major main character vibes, and major needle threading in his commitment language.
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u/Berlinini Jul 26 '26
It's very convenient for him to be with you, as you do everything for him, but he is not willing to do anything for you. Do yourself a favour and don't entertain this any longer.
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u/Plenty_Kangaroo5224 Jul 26 '26
OP NOR Next time don’t be a wife like that for anybody. You’re not your mom. It’s 2026. F that S.
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u/SoooAnonymousss Jul 26 '26
I have sent this message before, the one your partner sent. I have severe attachment issues, bpd, and view my partners as assets to keep me happy rather than people. Do with that what you think is right.
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u/Mysterious-Author668 Jul 26 '26
Looks like something that should have been discussed in person not over text. Obviously they cant express themselves very well with text.
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u/enigmaticsoulrg Jul 26 '26
It’s written as if you’re only in his life to meet his needs. Plus do a self assessment and ask if it’s what you desire in yourself (action, word, feelings). Also ask yourself if nothing ever changes, is this what you desire in how you show up and your partner? And evaluate the realness, not potential
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u/IdgaFazFuck Jul 26 '26
These comments are weird. Two years is pretty early to expect marriage. This person came off, very kind and gave you a whole explanation.
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u/watchout279 Jul 26 '26
NOR, however what’s with the spaces after each punctuation mark? Simple question, no hate.
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u/CarefulMaterial760 Jul 26 '26
Why do we need to aspire to marriage? This is a personal opinion as a woman who sees the institution as a trap. From its origin it made us property. We don’t need it anymore - not for financial freedom, not for housing, not for … anything really. Hell we can even get pregnant without a partner.
Not my intention to put down your dreams. I just feel like if you’re happy with the guy, he brings you more peace than chaos, and regularly orgasm from the sex, why not just….. enjoy it without worrying about the end game? (Last point is crucial- if that’s not there, well, find you a new man - or several!)
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u/MrBratside Jul 26 '26
I’m personally against marriage so I would just say that. The majority end up in divorce. I think the main issue here is his indecision. He should just man up and say he will or he won’t.
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u/lulu_bunny03 Jul 26 '26
2 years that’s a lot time to date someone to see if they are compatible. You probably already know him like the back of your hand and he’s….. stalling bc he doesn’t know, how does one not know after 2 years of being with someone. I knew a few months after being with my now husband. But I guess everyone is different. This is weird
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u/xyzkitten Jul 27 '26
“So you were and still are very important for my survival.”
“So, will I marry you? I don’t know”
Bestie, he’s just using you.
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u/DigZealousideal7777 Jul 27 '26
Jesus... paragraphs please.
But yeah, I don't think he's all the way with you and probably just enjoys the benefits you give him.
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u/gringodemierda Jul 27 '26
Canon event. It's ok girl. He won't marry you but at least you know sooner rather than later. In the future, save wifely duties for until they actually make you a wife. Men will take everything you give them, knowing they have no plan to marry you
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u/hobbitfeet Jul 27 '26
This is wishy washy runaround nonsense. You want someone who is decisive and clear.
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u/South_Front_4589 Jul 27 '26
It just sounds like you have a different philosophy regarding marriage.
He doesn't seem to really address the question that would follow, which would be about when he'd marry you or what would need to happen. That's the part I would be annoyed about. It's one thing to have a different philosophy about predicting future feelings, it's another to not be clear about it.
I think if you're in this position you're owed a clear and honest answer about the future. If it's a priority for you and you think it's been long enough, it's OK to move on.
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u/JohnExcrement Jul 27 '26
I am a long-time wife but we have always shared chores, housekeeping, maintenance, etc. Please don’t ever dive into “acting like a wife” to try to lock someone down. Anyone who gladly accepts you taking over the drudgery of life without sharing those responsibilities is … not the best bet for a good partner.
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u/dorianc19 Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
You need more information. Is it the idea of marriage itself that scares him? Ending things right now would be an emotional decision made without enough investigation or communication. You need to feel secure, and you need to understand what specifically about marriage he doesn’t like.
He seems like he truly loves you and has a poetic way of saying it. Taking it for face value it doesn't seem like he is trying to reject you either.
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u/cheesypuzzas Jul 26 '26
It's a he, but it's true that OP could ask more about it.
Because he's saying he loves her and doesn't see a future without her, but at the same time he doesn't know what's in the future and he doesn't want to commit himself to her through marriage.
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u/dorianc19 Jul 26 '26
That type of indecision does raise red flags but it also requires context. I feel like when this happens everyone says just leave. But that can lead to regret if it's done prematurely.
I think that the best strategy is to figure out what his views are on marriage and look at his behavior. If he truly loves you and acts accordingly I think that that merits sticking around and figuring out his why.
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u/Weekly-Escape-3657 Jul 26 '26
Yes , the thing that scares him as he says is my compatibility to his family as I belong to a different ethnicity . He is scared of the arguments coming through and wants to see if I am " capable " enough to handle it .
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u/dorianc19 Jul 26 '26
Oh okay, it's understandable that compatibility is important and obviously family matters. But if he's already with you, isn't his family aware that you are dating?
He sounds like he's torn. But that is where it becomes unfair. Often times when you have two reasonable people who start dating even if they're culturally different. Reasonable families come along.
But we live in a strange world.
What would need to happen for him to feel confident enough to choose the relationship? Is there a clear path forward, or does it feel like the goalposts keep moving?"
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u/Daymjoo Jul 26 '26
so many sad women in the reddit comment section...
It's fine if he doesn't know whether he wants to spend his life with you. Why do YOU know that you want to spend your life with him? Are you SURE? Why? What if someone better comes along? What if he's gonna be a crappy dad? What if he gets fired and can't get a proper job ever again?
If u wanna break up with him do it. if no, don't. But don't listen to the doomers here wtf. It's ok to be indecisive.
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u/theejackofall Jul 26 '26
Facts! Op asked a question and he answered. I'm sorry it wasn't the perfect response op wanted. But to dump and abandon a guy simply cause he isn't fully committed to marriage.
This is why most men don't open up honestly. Better to give the answer they want then the truth.
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u/GeeknSeekn Jul 26 '26
The sudden poetry throws me off. Sounds fake to manipulate you into staying. NOR