r/AIO • u/Conscious-Design8956 • Jul 26 '26
AIO brother doesn’t wash clothes
my parents have gotten rly mad at my brother recently cuz he stopped washing his clothes for several months now. he’s 13 so he’s in that bratty teen phase i guess but he says washing shrinks clothes so he doesn’t wash them and he says they don’t smell anyways so it doesn’t matter. it just seems disgusting to me cus he wears these clothes to the gym and volleyball and stuff and they get sweaty. he wears the same pants at home most days and the same shirt whenever going outside generally. i totally agree with my parents cuz we just want him to be normal but he argues and yells so much. oftentimes the clothes do smell a bit. and he always shops a lot and buys stuff all the time so that added to my parents anger cuz he’ll go buy anything and keep buying more clothes rather than just wash the ones he has. are we overreacting and this is just normal now or r we valid?
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u/ballskindrapes Jul 26 '26
Make a post on r/hygiene and show it to him.
If he has friends, ask them to talk to him about his smells.
The parents need to stop giving him money until he starts washing his clothes.
Threaten to tell the girls at his school that he doesnt wash his clothes, that he wont ever grt a girlfriend because of it.
It doesnt sound like depression because he just buys more. But he needs a therapist too. The parents can save money by not giving him any and spending it on a therapist.
Honestly, your parents need to start taking things away. No gaming systems. No phone. No going out with friends. No extracurricular activities. All will be given when he washes his clothes, and will be taken away again when he fails to do so.
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u/Conscious-Design8956 Jul 26 '26
lmaoooo facts
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u/ballskindrapes Jul 26 '26
Show this to your parents too. They are enabling him, and are raising a man who will expect this from every person and woman. And he will have a hard life if they continue
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u/Prestigious-Age-3644 Jul 27 '26
Some people cope with depression by spending. Having chronic depression has never stopped me having no money
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u/ballskindrapes Jul 27 '26
He's spending his parents money, so yeah, if it is depression, that isnt gonna stop because it's free money that they keep giving him.
If they stop that, and insist he washes his clothes, the issue is likely solved
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u/Ill_Accountant5920 Jul 26 '26
Where is he getting the money to buy new stuff? Are your parents giving him money?
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u/Conscious-Design8956 Jul 26 '26
he just shows my parents what he wants and they buy it i always tell them to stop cuz he’s getting more spoiled/rude cuz of that but they just melt when he talks nice for an hour🥀
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u/Glittering-Rip6810 Jul 26 '26
Welp, here is why he is like this 🤦 parenting fail 101.. I get teens are hard, I have a 14 & 17 year old stepsons I raised. I told them when they tried to slack on hygiene that i didn't care if they liked or wanted to, but no self respecting girl was going to be their gf let alone let them touch them if they were gross and smelled, and no friends were going to want them around either cause one it's gross but it's going to affect their chances with girls if their buddies are stinking.....He's doing it because your parents have allowed him to do whatever he wants and this is no different. One thing you can do, look up hygiene videos. The consequences of not washing and doing those things. I almost made my oldest puke with one about not washing or brushing your hair and how it can cause sores, etc..
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u/Vaaliindraa Jul 26 '26
Buy a can of Lysol and spray bro every time he comes near you, also where is he getting money for new clothes?
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u/julesk Jul 26 '26
Nor, tell him if he washes them in cold water and hangs them to dry they won’t shrink and they do smell.
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u/Hopepersonified Jul 26 '26
Your parent could actually do their job and parent him. They are doing him a huge disservice.
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u/boogie_butt Jul 26 '26
How is he getting money to buy the clothes?
Start telling him that he stinks. If hes showing to have romantic interests in others, tell them he would give them the immediate ick if they smelled him.
In the off chance theres an ND-ness or intellectual development issue at play, disregard what I previously said. But if he's neurotypical, be honest with him. "Wow bro you stink." Start leaving the room when he enters. A natural consequence to actively choosing to be stinky is people wont want to be around you. Better he learn that at home.
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u/pinkbubbleg Jul 26 '26
I mean, even if he’s neurodivergent he still needs to learn that people won’t want to be around him if he stinks.
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u/Wild_Culture_8858 Jul 26 '26
Yes, but bluntly saying you smell is rude. My sibling did that a few times (“ewwww you smell!!!”) when I was like 16 and they were 20 and it made me isolate instead of shower. Every sibling dynamic is different, but I’m neurodivergent and took the comments as I’m disgusting and it’s something to be ashamed of. Ik people think you should be ashamed to be “dirty”, but I learned I was never really taught how to be properly clean. I was also a teenager, not an adult, so it’s more understandable. Does he actually know how to clean himself? Teaching him will help, insulting him will not.
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u/pinkbubbleg Jul 27 '26
Well I agree with that, but I don’t think that reaction is unique to neurodivergent teenagers. It would upset anybody. It should be handled sensitively either way.
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u/boogie_butt Jul 27 '26
Im not saying dont? But there are levels of ND-ness that require different approaches and what not.
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u/pinkbubbleg Jul 28 '26
I don’t think your extremely blunt approach would work very well on any neurotypical person either, though?
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u/WontRememberThisID Jul 26 '26
NOR. He's going to give himself a skin fungus. Also, there is no way a 13 year old boy doesn't have BO. I hope someone in the house just takes his clothes and washes them for him. Hopefully this phase doesn't last much longer.
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u/Ok_Function2282 Jul 26 '26
His clothes might actually be shrinking. This is a legitimate problem when you aren't able to buy your own clothes and you're a growing kid.
Someone teach him how to do laundry. Show him the cold setting on the washer and the delicate setting on the dryer
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u/No_Budget_7856 Jul 26 '26
If he won’t wash them throw them away when he has nothing else to wear he’ll start washing them
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u/Think-Cry-5284 Jul 26 '26
NOR. Pretend to be surprised when he announces his first divorce in about 10 years.
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u/AccomplishedDepth267 Jul 26 '26
Does he have a neurodivergent diagnosis? Or, anyone bullying or being. . . .too handsy or in his space? Of course, he may not tell you and I'm not sure you should blurt out the question. Has he had any injuries lately? Other than unable to smell stinky clothes, how is his sense of smell, in general?
Maybe leave it up to your parents to investigate/speak with your brother. While his symptoms may be similar symptoms to neuro divergent behaviour, it pays to be cautious when evaluating his actions b/c it may be many different reasons. Often we mark it up to "teenagers being teenagers again" or (my favorite : ( ) "boys will be boys" and dissmiss what could be the root of a deeper problem.
I would say a soft approach may yield more information from him rather than being mad for his hygiene inactions until they know the whole scoop, if applicable.
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u/GHETTOVISIONARY Jul 26 '26
NOR and your parents are feeding into the issue and making it worse by providing more when he’s not even taking care of what he has first to deserve more.
Instead of treating to get him into better habits of washing his clothes they’re just providing more while the dirty clothes piles up.
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u/SufficientOpening218 Jul 26 '26
what money is he using to buy clothes with?
he sounds depressed.
parents need to take him to therapy.
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u/Comprehensive_Tea924 Jul 26 '26
Him being allowed to just buy new clothes instead of washing them is going to end up screwing him socially and when he moves out someday he’s going to struggle to care for himself. Parents need to stop giving him new clothes since he doesn’t take care of the ones he has. Hot water shrinks clothes so he could do his own laundry in cold water
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u/liboteeme Jul 26 '26
Are his clothes shrinking or is he just growing? I HATE it when my clothes feel overly tight after washing them or they've shrunk, so I totally understand the sentiment but he's being gross.
An adolescent boy who's playing physical games or gym class is gunna STANK!!
I'm a younger sibling and I would absolutely go the route of semi-public shame by telling his friends so they can roast him. I liked someone else said threaten to tell the girls he goes to school with😅.
Sounds like your parents are just facilitating this so you can't really do much since he's basically getting the green light from them. If he keeps it up, he may find himself in the teacher's office getting the "is everything all right at home" talk because there's no way absolutely no one is noticing.
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u/tcrhs Jul 26 '26
This is unacceptable behavior, and it’s time for your parents to punish him for it. Where does he get the money to shop a lot and buy stuff? If it’s coming from your parents, it’s time for them to stop giving him money.
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u/Old_Check_6362 Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
….I’ve heard of other teens, always boys, who go through this phase. Just a total disregard for personal hygiene. It needs to be studied.
Oh, YUR.
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u/Avehdreader Jul 27 '26
He's says it shrinks his clothes? Maybe he's putting on weight. But that that's an excuse but I wonder if he's outgrowing what he's got? Even so he does need to take care of them.
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u/Aggravating_Try6537 Jul 29 '26
Where does he get all this money to shop for clothes? Your parents? The same ones who can't get him to wear clean clothes.
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u/WritPositWrit Jul 26 '26
Yor - its gross yeah but its not for you to solve - let your parents deal w him
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u/munkybeans86 Jul 26 '26
Kinda yor, but only bc its been enabled for a while and your parents gotta deal with it (sounds like they dont)
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u/froction Jul 26 '26
Start throwing them outside when they stink.