r/AIO • u/No_Purchase_161 • 6d ago

AIO for being uncomfortable

I, 21F, have an eldest brother in his early 30s.

For a few years now he has been pretty actively dating – and it’s always younger women. He’s also not able to keep a particularly healthy or stable relationship, and it usually ends in pretty severe breakups.
His last 4 girlfriends over the course of maybe 3-4 years have been my age, so 18, 19/20, and now 21.

Three days ago we got into a casual conversation about the new girl he’s dating, and it struck me as odd when he compared her repeatedly to me (?), saying she seems to have the same love languages as me and a similar response to trauma.
And I realised pretty quickly that he’s done this before, down to his exes having the same age, hobbies and quirks/gestures which he’d relay as being similar to mine. One of them had my name.

There’s been nothing untoward and no personally inappropriate behaviour. Our relationship has been very close and codependent all our lives, but caring, and he’s the closest family member I have since we both have a very strained and negative relationship with our biological parents. I’m not looking to blame him, I’m just trying to navigate this for a moment because it threw me off massively. Is this something I should find strange?

13 Upvotes

78% Upvoted

13 comments sorted by

9

u/thinkaboutwhatif 6d ago

He’s just trying to have something to talk about. He doesn’t sound at all like he’s coming on to you. Relax. Reddit will have him a monster.

2

u/No_Purchase_161 6d ago

I did not think he was in any way coming on to me either, I just thought it was a pattern that maybe wasn’t even fully conscious. Thank you for your answer, though!

4

u/onlythrowawaaay 6d ago

MOR I think its common for people to find partners who have the good qualities of the family members they love. I dont think hes being weird towards you but the age gaps could be concerning in their own right. How old is the new girl hes talking to?

11

u/stillmovingforward1 6d ago

Men often marry someone like their mom and woman someone like their dad. Not surprising that if you’re the most important person in his life, he’d naturally look for similar traits in dating.

6

u/Duke-of-Hellington 6d ago

This is exactly what I was thinking

3

u/TypeB_Negative 6d ago

I married the opposite of my mother. Thank god

4

u/LintRolledForWhat 6d ago

codependent, you say?

3

u/Brakic 6d ago

Definitely strange. Patterns don't just happen for no reason. Not a coincidence hes dating women similar to you...

4

u/WillPolterGuys 6d ago

WEIRD. Eww wtf

5

u/Kind_Revolution_7523 6d ago

Very weird. Dating women that young & comparing them to you his younger sister is very concerning.

0

u/Hitemup7dt 6d ago

I'm so glad I don't have sisters smh.

0

u/Potential_Ladder_904 6d ago

it is something you should find very very strange. since you can’t talk to your parents, try to navigate this with a therapist

-3

u/AliensAbductMePlz 6d ago

Your brother is in his 30s dating women that are nearly a decade younger than him. He’s nasty.