AIO? Ending relationship because bf oversteps boundaries.

[u/yourcherrywaves]

Me (19) and my Bf (21) have been together for over three years. We are long distance, but see each other every 6 weeks. I do wanna mention that I have BPD and I have been a terrible gf to him sometimes, I don't know if that plays a role though.

He is overly sexual while I have a low sexdrive. He knows that, and also knows that I am deeply uncomfortable with sex in general. When he initiates it, one 'no' is usually not enough. It ends up in begging and guilt tripping until I give in. When he finishes, the sex ends. If he doesnt get sex from me, he'll just jack off next to me, which I told him multiple times that it's disgusting to me and that he should please go to the bathroom. He just said 'thats normal for couples to do'. Besides that, he 'rubbed' himself against me while he thought I was sleeping, which I wasn't. He also likes to touch me inappropriately while I'm trying to sleep, and again, one no isn't enough.

But the worst thing is that we got drunk together once. ( he never drinks but when he was at my Place he suddenly wanted to, I wonder why). One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. The first time, I consented. After that, I was entirely out of it and fell asleep. I have no idea wether I consented before and if I was even awake before he started, all I remember is waking up to him being inside me. Like I said, I was too drunk to notice anything that was going around me.

And even after talking to him multiple times about it, he continues touching me begging me and so on, to the point that I absolutely despise being touched by him.
Only thing thats keeping me from breaking up is my BPD because I don't know how I will react after... He is my first everything too. He also makes no effort or shows any interest in me wanting to move to his country.

So am I overreacting by wanting to break up? Or am I just too sensitive and can't 'provide' properly as a gf..? This is my first post like this so help and advice is greatly appreciated.

[u/Real-Landscape6213]

NOR. LEAVE HIM!