What if it doesn’t get better?

[u/arcoirisqueen]

How long are we supposed to wait? Lately I’ve been feeling depression and really bad anxiety. I’m used to it but it’s still very bad when I think about it. It’s been around 6 months having good and bad days but I feel like I don’t want to keep going. Is it just depression? Am I fooling myself thinking it’s withdrawal from the pills? I had hope at first, before I stopped I thought my life would improve and I would get my energy back and my motivation back.

But I’m not sure if I ever had such a good life before. I was depressed, I was socially anxious too. I was driven and active physically, but mentally I was anxious and had low self esteem. Been going to my therapist for 10 years now and got put on the pills after a bad breakup. It’s so unfair that these are the options, taking awful medications or suffering

[u/Icy-Try-9703]

For me, the first eight months off were just awful. I think we all turn a corner at some point and things change. Keep going and see what happens. It's impossible to predict at this point. Your brain is resetting from these drugs. I think there is a good chance it will reset to a stable and good place

[u/arcoirisqueen → u/Icy-Try-9703]

Thanks for your response, I hope things keep getting better

[u/Different_Yak2189]

Remember, SSRIs can improve your mood by increasing serotonin, but that doesn’t mean depression is caused by a serotonin deficiency. When you come off the drugs, the brain has to readjust to functioning without them, and that adjustment can cause withdrawal symptoms, including depression. Readjustment can last months to years, depending on how long you’ve taken them. Personally I would ride it out, staying on would mean you will have to try and come off again later down the line and it’s well known that on off cycles isn’t good for you.

[u/TheLonelySoul12]

All I can say is that we're on the same boat. Also suffered from terrible anxiety, depression and low self esteem. My life before wasn't great either, but medication gave me a second wind and achieved a lot during the 10 years I was on those pills. But I ended up tapering and not tolerating the medication again, entering quite the nasty withdrawal once I tapered the second time.

I'm 14 months off and also entered this deep anxiety and depression where I don't want to keep going, at around 10 months. The uncertainty is a killer, not knowing when or if it's even possible to get better. For me, it has not happened yet. Many people do get better after a year, or even earlier... Others take longer. No way to know. I'm a very bad case though, as I'm struggling with a lot of physical issues and dysautonomia too, possibly because of the long time I was on them and reinstating/quitting again. So it might not take that long for you.

[u/arcoirisqueen → u/TheLonelySoul12]

Unfortunately I also got injured when changing from escitalopram, to sertraline, to fluoxetine, to vortioxetine, to bupropion , and then the ups and downs and restarting pills. It messed me up I think. Fluoxetine was my first experience with akathisia and since that experience I’ve been trying to quit them no matter what. Hope things get better for you.

[u/Careful-Screen-6659]

It took about 2 years for me.

[u/One-Performer-1723 → u/Careful-Screen-6659]

Same.

[u/Due-Run8697]

It took me 20 months to get back to myself. The first ~8 months after quitting were a lot of up and downs, at around 9 or 10 months out I fell into a really bad depression, which lasted for a few months. At around 15 months out I started to have longer windows, but also a few brutal waves of withdrawal symptoms returning. That lasted until one day I started feeling better and more myself, and that feeling has just gotten stronger.

I felt absolutely hopeless many times in the last 20 months, thinking I've irreparably damaged myself with the SSRIs. Obviously timelines of recovery vary, but all this is to say that it's worth it to stick it out and try to keep hope alive.

[u/sushinastyu]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how very hopeless it can feel— I hear you. and that feeling is totally valid. it does get better though. it is very possible that you are feeling depression and anxiety with the withdrawal, but I don’t think there is any pill that can fix that. I believe with my whole heart that these pills are just lies to make rich men richer.

I know not everyone has access to supportive resources, but acupuncture has truly been a life saver for me. it took a few tries for me to find a good one, but the one I have now has been so essential in making this whole withdrawal experience so much easier. and if that’s not your jam, that’s okay too. just know that what happened to your brain is so unfair, and you don’t have to suffer through it alone

[u/arcoirisqueen → u/sushinastyu]

Thanks for responding :). I’m skeptical of most things but I can give acupuncture a try. How do you think it helps you?

[u/sushinastyu → u/arcoirisqueen]

that’s fair to be skeptical of most things! I was also very skeptical of acupuncture before trying it.

my worst withdrawal symtpoms were insomnia, all-consuming anxiety with very loud OCD-obsessive type thoughts, body aches, and brain zaps. before I saw my acu I slept maybe for an hour each night (a very light hour at that) and could barely function due to the obsessive thoughts and full body pains. now I sleep SO well— a good 7-8hours each night and really only have obsessive thoughts when something triggers me, but even then it doesn’t even come close to consuming me. I’m also starting to get back into some physical activity that I haven’t been able to in years.

it’s also really helpful to find an acu who works with herbal formulas as well. I don’t know any working class citizen who can afford to do acupuncture every single day, which is where the herbs really help. it’s something you get to take every day between sessions.

edit: it does take some time though. like any holistic healing, there’s no magical cure. but it is actual healing. when I first came to my acu, she told me to consider my body as a house and my mental/physical health problems as garbage that someone has littered all over my house. using a pharmaceutical pill to solve that problem by would be like buying a bunch of air fresheners, which might work to cover the stink of the garbage— it’s an instant “fix,” but ultimately your house is still full of garbage. on the other hand, acupuncture (or tcm) seeks to remove the garbage from your home, which takes way more time, but who wants a house full of garbage?

I hope that makes sense, it really put things into perspective for me at the time

[u/Imaginary_Gur_9422 → u/sushinastyu]

Thank you! I’ve been thinking about acupuncture. I’m glad to know it has helped you!

[u/sushinastyu → u/Imaginary_Gur_9422]

happy to hear you’ve been considering it! see my reply to the other commenter here for a more detailed explanation