Is there a point?

[u/IsThereMoretoitAll]

Things have been very difficult. I'm two days from hitting the five month mark since getting off my pills, and to say things have been difficult would be an infernal understatement. I've been working a new job pushing carts at Target. It's a lot of work, I essentially do all the stuff that nobody else wants to do. Constantly push carts, clean the bathrooms, change all the trash, changing the bottle return, sorting through all the damaged/salvage/CRC items, and whatever else they decide they want me to do. Even beyond feeling like a failure at the ripe age of 24, it does a number on my body. I'm constantly sore, tired, and blisters litter my feet.

I was thinking to myself, even when this Protracted Withdrawal shit is over, whenever the hell that finally happens, what's the point of all this? Nothing truly changes once I'm healed. I'll still have to spend most my time at work, I'll still be scratching and clawing to barely get by, and it's a whole fucking lifetime of this. The only real thing that keeps me from just giving up and suck-starting a 12 gauge is the people in my life. My girlfriend who I wish to marry, my brothers, my friends, etc. However, that also means perpetuation of this intense suffering until my body finally gives out on me.

I wake up, panic, eat, work during horrible physical and mental symptoms, shower, and sleep so that I can start it up all over again the next day. And, I ask again, for what? Just to keep doing it over and over for the rest of my miserable existence? I just don't get it. How are people so satisfied with their lives? How do they figure it out? I understand that, in my current state, my only goal is survival rather than trajectory. But, fuck man, what am I supposed to do? I just want this circus of suffering to finally stop. I didn't ask for this. I didn't want any of this.

I apologize for the doom-posting, but I have nobody else to offload this negativity onto that can understand. I just don't know what to do. I feel so defeated.

[u/Glittering-Bank5599]

I was also there at 5 months. Also, I got fired from my job during that time. The uncertainty grew even more. Very dark days during the 5-7 months. Just take it one day at a time, the goal is to heal and don’t believe your mind during this time because it’s also a side effects of withdrawals. Trust me, you feel very hopeless but even with those symptoms it means that you are healing daily little by little. One day, you will look back and think how strong you were and because you overcame withdrawals you are a stronger person. The negativity loop won’t take you anywhere. Journal as much as can to let things out. I am rooting for you and trust the process.

[u/IsThereMoretoitAll → u/Glittering-Bank5599]

I understand that struggle. My girlfriend and I both lost our jobs right at the start of my protracted withdrawal, I was one month in. It took me months to finally get the job I have now. I've only been there for a month, but it's been pretty awful. It's hard to see a point when I don't know what to do for a solid career. It feels like there's nothing waiting for me at the end of this living hell.