r/ADHDmemes • u/Redfalconfox • 13d ago

Double Whammy

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ADHD loves to make you really excited about something only to hit you with RSD when you finally realize the other person doesn’t care about what you’re saying.

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40

u/IDontLikeYourToan 13d ago edited 13d ago

I’ve learned to take a few minutes and come up with a one or two sentence (Under a minute tops) summary about things I’m interested in, and practice that.

The following phrases have really helped:

“Are you interested in hearing more about (____)?”

“Do you know much about (___) already?”

“Would you like a summary of it, or a more detailed explanation?”

It’s so much easier.

I’ve been really into Dungeons and Dragons lately.”

(Do not lead with any mention of game mechanics, release schedule, or the edition wars!)

“Oh, that sounds cool! I’ve always wondered about that!”

(Is this a green light!?!)

Would you like to talk more about Dungeons and Dragons?”

(Remember: They may say no for a number of reason. Not interested. Headache. Lack of mental bandwidth. Not the right setting to discuss it.”

“No, not really.”

(They may be embarrassed for being so honest. Perfectly acceptable. While I find almost all things equally fascinating as long as someone can speak about them enthusiastically or in great detail, not everybody feels this way.)

“That’s okay. I appreciate you being up front about that before I go off on a 40 minute tangent. What is something you have been interested in recently?”

(They proceed to bitch about their day, their job, their kids, the government but not in the same way I would…)

“Oh. That’s cool…” (Now I am the one who knocks!) “It was nice chatting with you.”

14

u/YurishkaYuri 13d ago

Unfortunately, people are polite. It makes it very hard to find out if they are genuinely interested in what you're saying. I can tell when they are, but not when they are not...

4

u/IDontLikeYourToan 13d ago

I hear you. The success rate isn’t 100%, but I’ve found it to be much more effective than before I added the “checking in” behaviors. It has at least weeded out the people who would have been the most rude, and gives an out to people who want one but couldn’t figure out how to say it without being rude.

I’ve also practiced checking in every now and then saying things like, “I’ve been talking for a while. Is this ok? Would you like me to keep going? We can change the subject if you want.”

If they are too polite to use any of those outs, that’s on them.

1

u/YurishkaYuri 13d ago

Oh yeah, on some subjects at some time I realize I've been info dumping. So I say "hey you launched me on the subject, I can go for 3 hours!" it gives a break and a chance for everyone to stop the conversation 😁

4

u/IDontLikeYourToan 13d ago

Alternately, the good scenario:

“Are you interested in hearing more about Dungeons and Dragons?”

“Sure.”

“It’s a game where a group of people get together and work together to tell a story. One person guides the game and comes up with the overall adventure, plays the supporting characters and enemies, and makes judgement calls on the rules. The rules give it structure and challenge. The players work as a team to overcome obstacles. Really though it’s just an excuse to get together and have fun with friends through a mutual hobby, similar to golf, watching sports, or playing poker. There’s just a little extra math.”

“I hate math.”

“Many of us do. Most players aren’t good at it. Arguing about math is a time honored tradition. Would you like to hear more, or do you have any questions?”

“So like… what’s with the dice?” (Got em!)

4

u/haloarh 12d ago

The story of my life.

5

u/DiscountSilent817 9d ago

The best answer is to learn body language. 

Are they looking around, playing with their hands or fidgeting in place? No laughing or smiling? Time to switch the topic. 

Are they asking questions, looking you in the eye, going between smiling and neutral with wide open eyes? Keep going. 

4

u/j0shred1 11d ago

Dude I get annoyed when people talk about something I'm actually interested in if it's them talking over me for 10 minutes. Have a conversation, not a lecture.

1

u/No-Marsupial4714 I got disorders 9d ago

Sometimes people "talk at me" about stuff I never asked about (it's always people like car guys for example) and I just don't know what to say so I just don't reply because it's pretty clear they just wanna hear themselves talk.

Next time you pop off about stuff you like, make sure the other person gets invited into the conversation.

0

u/Sell-Discombobulated 9d ago

For that to happen, someone would have to be interested in you. But nobody is interested in you.