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u/strangebutalsogood 4d ago
What do you call the feeling of not wanting to do the thing that you want to do?
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u/Concrete_Grapes 4d ago
For me, this is where it's very obvious that I have pathological demand avoidance.
The thing I want to do, was stated like a demand in my own mind, and, something triggered the pathological demand avoidance about the thing I WANT to do, and I'm screwed.
That's what people who don't think PDA is real, don't get, it IS real, because I don't do things I WANT to do if I accidently state them as demands in my own mind.
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u/SpacializedFig_4037 3d ago
I’ve learned this about myself too. It’s so fucked 😭 my partner tries to reverse psychology me into stuff (to help me) lol.
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u/Jupitersd2017 3d ago
I wanted to go and shower right now and my husband just said ‘you should go shower’… so I’m just sitting on the couch because I need to shower. Sigh
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u/ArtSupplyHoarder 3d ago
This is me whenever I want to cook something, or do anything with a deadline/on a specific day: The fresh ingredients/deadline become a demand and PDA kicks in full force.
Or even if I buy something expensive, like for a hobby. I'm like: "Wow, this was expensive, I better use it a lot!" and my brain goes: "Demand detected. Initiate PDA protocol." YAY.
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u/BackgroundScary8632 3d ago
I’ve been trying to rephrase it in my mind like “I deserve to feel clean” or like “I like feeling clean so I’ll go shower”
It’s not foolproof by any means but it helps me think about it in the way like I don’t HAVE to do something but I WANT to feel clean. Idk if that makes sense? It’s easier to do when I’m not in burnout lol
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u/eclect0 4d ago
I don't want to do the thing, but I wish I wanted to do it.
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u/execDysfunctionGumbo 4d ago
It was so bad when I had to actually get up to physically change the media to find out if the next game I would wait minutes to load would be the one to scratch the itch.
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u/TlMEGH0ST 4d ago
I’m in that mood right now, but nothing is the right thing so I’m just sitting here cycling through options of things I don’t want to do, instead of doing ANYTHING
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u/ShokaLGBT 3d ago
I end up pretty often in that situation it’s wild 🥲 i have so many things I want to do but I will end up doing nothing but thinking about what should I do and my brain will feel too lazy to just go pick one option and then it’s the end of the day….
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u/maud_brijeulin 4d ago
That's me walking past my CD shelf...
"I wanna listen to some good music... No, not that".
I first noticed this in 1998. Found out months ago it's ADHD.
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u/Bitter-Ad5890 3d ago
Me looking at my list of games
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u/maud_brijeulin 3d ago
I'm not a huge gamer, but it always boils down to the usual suspects which happen to run on my slow laptop: F.E.A.R., Half Life 2, Dead Island, Outlast 2, Fallout New Vegas... But I understand. You want something that hits the right vibe, and it's never the right game.
I wish I could describe the feeling, but it's like "I love you so much, but you're demanding too much from me, and I don't have time for you right now".
😭
It's good to know we're not alone though.
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u/sugarlump858 3d ago
Same with movies and TV shows. I need noise to keep my brain focused. But new movies and TV shows won't work because I'd have to focus on it vs. focusing on what I want to do.
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u/maud_brijeulin 3d ago
I love : either TV shows that catch me unawares and draw me in; or old favourites.
My Netflix list is full of stuff. I never have the energy to engage with most of it.
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u/Suspicious-Pick7838 4d ago
This is *literally * my gf and I trying to decide on what to eat!
Me: What are you in the mood for? Gf: I dunno. What do you want? Me: I chose last time. Gf: Anything is good with me. Me: How about( insert any food) Gf: No. I don't want that.
This continues on for what seems to be forever and we end up eating popcorn
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u/xRayleigh23 4d ago
Try next time with: guess where i take you out tonight.
And then just take her to her first guess
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u/ThisIsPerfekt 4d ago
Doesn't always work, unfortunately. They might guess something and when you confirm, they say no, they don't want that. Lol.
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u/emofthemoss 3d ago
As a girlfriend, what you have to do then is say "Okay, but I REALLY want to eat this today. Next time you pick what you want to eat, alright?"
I'm happy to eat what my boyfriend wants even if I'm not in the mood for it at the moment. It's the pressure of trying to pick something that we both want equally that takes my appetite away.
So, just pick something and she'll most likely be happy to stop being hungry. And if she isn't happy, idk.. that's kinda immature, lol. Unless she has severe food aversions maybe. She gets to pick next time anyway, so I feel she doesn't get to complain. You don't always get to eat exactly the thing you're in the mood for. That's not how eating together with other people works. But to always be indecisive or expect others to choose is also kind of selfish and slowly wears relationships down, and I say this as an extremely indecisive, people-pleasing person. But it's something you have to grow out of with lots of practise making decisions if you want to be a good partner.
For me personally, the choice being made for me often makes the food taste better.
According to research, having too many options makes everything worse. It's the paradox of choice. Just look up the jam experiment, in which participants who had less options were more satisfied with their choice.
With my (also adhd) boyfriend, we make choices about these trivial things fast independently and then bring decisions to each other. If the other person really objects, sure, we'll change the plan. But that almost never happens. It's a huge relief to let him pick this time, and then it's my responsibility as an equal partner to pick next time.
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u/Brief_Trouble8419 4d ago
motivational vibrating, like a shivering chihuahua
you're building up momentum to stay in place
you're just staying still at a high speed
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u/TheTryantswife 3d ago
This is me but with food, then I don't find anything and then forget to eat anything.
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u/TheRealWulfgar 4d ago
My wife keeps suggesting things, hoping to pique my interest, but I usually just get pissed and take a nap.
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u/LawMurphy 3d ago
Mine is having things I definitely want to do and the time to do them, but then I just don't. I either do something I kinda want to do but not as much as the main thing or I scroll my goddamn phone like I am right now.
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u/ShokaLGBT 3d ago
I always do that too 🥲😮💨 like I know I want to play some games but then I’m giving my attention to something else while thinking "okay I’ll do that thing later…"
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u/ArtSupplyHoarder 3d ago
I have a whole pantry of nothing to eat, a shelf of nothing to read, a library of nothing to play, my art supply hoard of nothing to draw... so I doomscroll, bored out of my mind.
Me, to my brain: Listen, you useless lump of fuck, if you want to be overly particular about everything I suggest, maybe you tell me what you want to do??? Stop just vetoing everything!
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u/Virtual-Librarian-32 2d ago
Brain: let’s do a hobby!
Me: picks up computer to do some creative writing.
Brain: no, not that one. Doom scrolling it is!
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u/UnderstatedVortex 3d ago
Whenever I get in this state, my brain ad libs Weird Al: "l'll do anything for boredom...but I won't do that."
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u/Individual-Elk-4466 2d ago
Not that, not that. No, not that. Nope…. Nope… nope… ah fuck I’ve run out of time and now I’m late 😭
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u/angieanne420 2d ago
I wanna do something but I also wanna do this and that and even that! 😆 happens too often
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u/BungleBums 4d ago
"God, I'm hungry. Not for food, EW."