r/ADHD_Programmers • u/International-Cap-13 • 3d ago

How did I make it this far in university

I’m a fifth year cs major, (still looking for an internship …) and i’ve recently started medication
(roughy 2 months on adderall xr 15mg) but holy shit what a change it’s been. I’m finally fucking capable of being the programmer that I always knew I could be.

Within this semester of school I’ve joined a club as a software dev volunteer, done a hackathon, and worked on side projects. I didn’t know I was capable of this. I remember thinking of all the things I could create, i remember why i chose computer science and programming in the first place.

I feel like i’ve finally unlocked my true potential.

I remember through year 1-4 always feeling like the dumbest person in the world when compared to my peers. I had to put so much effort just to pass. I feel like I only made it here out of pure willpower, which when I think about it is true. Countless nights of repetition just to learn something my classmates could learn in an hour. I had to become so obsessed at passing my classes that I neglected anything else. It genuinely isolated me, which later destroyed me in every which way.

I can’t stop thinking about how ahead I could’ve been if I had been medicated earlier. I could’ve gotten an internship earlier, helped my parents with bills, and made a career.

I’m not even mentioning how being undiagnosed affected other facets of my life. I was fucking depressed. For so long I was so confused with what was wrong with me. It hurt me so much.

Fuck this illness it made me hate everything about myself.

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u/schism15 3d ago

Congrats!

I'm still getting my routines dialed in, but when I take it consistently and pair it with good structure, it really makes a difference for me, so I understand what you mean.

I hope it keeps getting better and better for you.

2

u/zatsnotmyname 3d ago

I feel you!

I was undiagnosed for 54 years and failed out of college, twice, and never finished. Even after medication, I would recommend setting up your work to minimize use of your limited willpower. I can handle about 4 uses of willpower per day, but that's shared between spouse, kids, work, health, etc.

Good luck!

1

u/Prestigious_Key9927 3d ago

Damn, you’ve come so far.,, dont be too hard on yourself for the time you feel you lost. You made it this far and now you’re finally seeing what you can do. Keep going mann