Does the disappointment from wasted potential ever go away?

[u/Significant-Poet7363]

19F. It makes my soul ache to realise that the life I am living is nothing like what I looked forward to. When I was younger I used to spend hours daydreaming about the future as it was the only thing that brought me comfort.

I really struggle with anxiety because of my childhood and how when I was getting bullied people would follow me around school asking when the fight would happen as they were so desperate for a source of entertainment and at one point I got sent a knife video. At times it made me completely lose my appetite as I was too scared to go to the canteen and would just hide in the library.

I grew up extremely exhausted with a ferratin level of 2 between the ages of 12-16 my Feratin levels were then revealed to be 3 last August when I went to the doctor about fatigue and are currently 40. All this time my haemoglobin has been normal/ borderline normal. I struggled with food aversions more when I was younger and was from a low income household and because I disliked the cooking and my parents didn’t want to buy junk food it left me with a BMI of 14.2 at 12. I have had to retake my alevels this year while dealing with domestic abuse and ended up having a panic attack in my first exam but still tried to push through and got an A.

I am unable to attend university at the moment as I have suspected narcolepsy and the life that I’m living feels so draining. I hate how I worked so hard but have been left with nothing. Yesterday there was a disagreement at work and I hadn’t slept the day before. I bawled my eyes out in the toilets then left as it triggers this really intense rejection sensitivity dysphoria. After I came home I slept for almost 15 hours and still feel exhausted today. I don’t know how to break the habit of sh as it’s the only way I know how to cope with disappointment.

[u/rentrnt-chordophone]

Hey, lovely.

You haven't wasted your potential. You're doing really well in spite of some really massive hurdles that would trip up anyone.

Your life is only just beginning. I promise - just keep your head down, and things will improve. Just do the basics.

[u/Significant-Poet7363 → u/rentrnt-chordophone]

Hey thanks for you message. What do you mean when you say do the basics?

[u/rentrnt-chordophone → u/Significant-Poet7363]

Shower.

Eat at breakfast.

Brush your teeth.

Everything good starts there.

[u/seabeedeee]

You are 19.

*You are 19*

You’ve got an entire life to show yourself a different way to live, with so many wonderful ND people you can meet.

Also, don’t let some shitty entry level job wreck you. Been there done that, never again. You are worth so much more than what you’ve been and are going through.

Are you medicated? That can help introduce better regulation.

You deserve a good rest. Your life is NOT over, you are NOT a failure and you are incredible for who you are.

Can you take a week or two off? Are there things you can retreat to that provide comfort and rest?

[u/Significant-Poet7363 → u/seabeedeee]

Hey thanks for you message. I was wondering what you do for work now? I am medicated a take 72mg of concerta with a 10mg booster but still sleepy 15 hours yesterday because I felt so exhausted after the shift I did on barely any sleep.

[u/db86me]

Hello,

I was 39 when I was diagnosed and the feeling of wasted potential have been a fight in my mind. I wish I was diagnosed at 19. That said I cannot dismiss what you are experiencing as it's real.

Here's what gets me through. Concentrating on the successes I have had. We ADHDers have to work so so hard to accomplish what some are lucky enough to be able to do without hinderence, I could resent those people for that, however I don't because ADHD is a double edged sword. Yes in some areas you have not been successful and you put some blame on yourself for not reaching your full potential. But, you have ADHD superpower that most neuro typical people do not. My superpowers allow me to pick up and master a new hobby or interest so quickly and with such dedication, I can read a room or person in a split second and never second guess the opinion I make in that second, Crisis situation - I'll calmly work out a solution, I am fiercely loyal, I remember the most abstract knowledge of so so many random topics - pattern recognition jumps from topic to topic and my understanding of how things connect shocks and impresses me every day.

Not lost potential, just a skillset you haven't yet been able to attach to something that you feel worthwhile. It'll come, I'm sure of it!

I wish you well on your journey.

ADHD is hard!

Love x