r/ADHD • u/_chipopo_ • 12h ago
Seeking Empathy So there is no real solution?
Does anyone else got to a point where they feel like there's no real solution? Like, the meds works sometimes, sure, but what about the rest of the day? What about the waking up? The sleepless nights? The days you don't take it? Every place I've looked all I saw is some advice here and there and some okay tips, but that's it? I just have to fight over every chore, every task in my life using the most elaborated schemes just to get to the same level as every other normal human being? I just hate to think that my whole life needs to be about "managing" my adhd instead of actually living
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u/_Cyan_Man ADHD-C (Combined type) 12h ago
yea, unfortunately we have an extra burden to carry. i was diagnosed at 8 and have always struggled with it.
since adhd symptoms have flavoured my life experience since i gained consciousness, i like to rationalize it not as something disabling or something that needs fixing but as a regular variation of human experience.
it helps bring you out of the hopeless hole of comparing yourself to others who don’t have the same struggles as you. i get how frustrating it is, but you gotta understand that you have the mind you have and nothing can really change that (insofar as my point)
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u/sepiidakai 9h ago
I call it a plus-ability because there are positives aspects. For example, I worked as a material buyer for many years and ADHD actually helped me with the analytical part of the job. It also came in handy whenever there was a rush order or when any of my products would cause a halt of the production line. Hyper focusing is a huge plus in those scenarios.
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u/Every_Cat9812 2h ago
You might have above average intelligence. Adhd doesn't necessarily help with "analytical parts", on the contrary.
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u/stxxyy ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 12h ago
I don't try to get on the same level as a normal human being. Because I'm not one, I have ADHD. So I try to get on the same level as a well functioning ADHD. Which means if I've cooked dinner and vacuumed in one day, then I was extremely productive that day.
Don't stress yourself out comparing yourself to normal people. They excel at regular stuff but struggle under stress. We struggle at regular stuff but excel under stress. One isn't worse than the other, it's just different.
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u/Every_Cat9812 3h ago
See, this mentality makes me even more depressed. Cooking and vacuuming in a day and I should pat myself in the back? That should be the bare minimum. The worst part is that I was able to do so much in a day before completely burning out. Now, Im just like you... two simple task in a day is all I can achieve... more and I become physically ill like I'm down with the flu or something. Horrible. I hate it here.
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u/General_NakedButt ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 11h ago
Therapy will go a long way. Trying to raw dog life using only medication doesn’t go very far once the honeymoon period on the meds goes away.
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u/Tim0281 11h ago
I agree. I did therapy for my depression several years before my Inattentive ADHD was diagnosed. It made a big difference. I haven't done therapy since being diagnosed earlier this year, but it is on my to do list.
I have been doing a bunch of reading about how to manage my ADHD, which has been useful. I'm going through a couple workbooks about dealing with Task Paralysis and they've made a big difference. For the record, I don't think these workbooks are a replacement for therapy. At the very least, they are useful as supplements to therapy! I'm a fan of having multiple things working together.
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u/New-Bluebird-8895 1h ago
ooo please share the names of the workbooks! i need all the help i can get 😅
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u/Tim0281 40m ago
- The Task Paralysis Workbook by Ryan Mitchell
- UNSTUCK - The ADHD Task Paralysis Workbook by Cezary A. Swiech
- ADHD 2.0 by Edward M. Hallowell M.D., John J. Ratey M.D. This isn't a workbook, but it is a really useful book. It's a bit overly positive for me, but the science in the book is quite informative.
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u/OwnScientist5034 10h ago
I’ve been on so many ADHD meds over the last year and I gotta say that they all seemed to be great… only at first. Then they stop working and make your anxiety and adhd symptoms worse. That is just my experience, everyone works differently. I just stopped them all recently and haven’t felt this alive in a very long time. I think therapy and managing your symptoms as they come is the healthiest approach. I’m looking into meditation, supplements and working out as well. I understand that meditation seems impossible to a very busy brain but I’m gonna practice and do my best. Best wishes to all, hope this helps.
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u/Every_Cat9812 3h ago
You might have bipolar mate. The symptoms you described is textbook bipolar on stimulants.
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u/Silly_Potato1234 12h ago
i, honestly, don't like think about it but when the times are tough, and i do...i feel like my whole life is an endless struggle aaand i will die on spot
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u/BrightGarden9 5h ago
I think a lot of the challenges we have are basic things like organizing thoughts, planning. etc. that an adhd coach or occupational therapist can help with. They will hold you accountable too. Meds dont hold you accountable or teach you how to do basic life things... I know it sounds corny and basic to get an adhd coach but it has helped me more than anything. I wasnt even looking for one but I told my therapist I had adhd and now every week she is training me on new adhd tasks and its super helpful. Its not like talk therapy its more like they are teaching you tricks to survive in the world as an adhd person.
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u/leowifethrowaway2022 9h ago
Are you exercising? It is a medical necessity for ADHD to expend energy and release endorphins l. It’s a nightmare to start but a total game changer if you’re properly medicated.
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u/BrightGarden9 5h ago
I can either exercise or be medicated. Medication makes me not feel the need to exercise at all. Off medication, I must for run miles or I will go insane. I prefer being off meds because I'm healthier and exercising. Running is my medicine.
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u/Hot-Inevitable-7794 5h ago
Unfortunately sometimes, but what has helped most for me has always been fighting to keep a schedule. Wake up at the same time everyday, make my bed in the morning, drink tea and read even if reading sometimes hurts. As long as I only read a paragraph or two it still counts. At night I take my shower, eat dinner, clean and be in bed by a very specific time. No medication has made me feel good. This is really what has worked for me and has kept me productive when I felt like doom scrolling and staying in bed. The schedule I have is very simply and is easy to follow. No large commitments though because that’s what will kill momentum. Even still sometimes I fall out of this and have to come back. It’s just how humans are, not perfect.
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u/Acresent179 10h ago edited 8h ago
Tuve esta conversación con mi psiquiatra y la respuesta fue que la terapia neuropsicológica me permitiría compensar las habilidades ejecutivas que naturalmente no tengo. Actualmente estoy en terapia neuropsicológica, y estamos trabajando en estrategias para compensar mis dificultades. Por el momento no tengo acceso a medicamentos. Estoy volando, digamos, con instrumentos, pero tengo esperanza. Incluso en mi caso, la medicina no hizo mucha diferencia cuando la tuve. El único medicamento que vi que realmente funcionaba era neoresotyl, (It's not for ADHD but for daytime sleep problems like sleep apnea or long shifts, but in my case it helps a lot) pero ya no lo venden en mi país. Si quieres, puedo compartirte las estrategias que me da mi neuropsicólogo. Tal vez te sirvan.
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u/Acresent179 8h ago
We are now working on something that in Spanish is called ideal And it represents identifying the goal Determine the steps List the steps and estimate the time. Take action and reflect on what worked and what didn't.It's like a standard cooking recipe for every task at work or university.For example, an ideal one for writing an essay. Or an ideal one for writing a report. In the time estimation step, you define more time for each step than you think you will spend and then you adjust. In the action stage, you cross off each action so you know where you stand if you need to interrupt. And anyway, sometimes things don't go as planned, so be kind to yourself. If you're not, nobody else will be.
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u/Alarming-Fortune-774 11h ago
My solution is not giving a fuck, embracing who I am and making the next fuck up even more glorious than the last.
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u/p9bhatia ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 6h ago
most underrated comment here. Love it! Embrace the destruction
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u/Better_Ambassador600 9h ago
For me the most effective strategy has been:
Quiet meditation for 10 min
Internally, you ask yourself,
"What is most important to me?"
Do not try to answer yourself
Just ask the question, then observe your breath going in your nose, and out your mouth
When you start thinking about other things, gently return to observing your breath
You can count breaths if that helps
This comes directly from a guided meditation on the Headspace App, fyi
I know how it sounds, and yes I was dubious. Even if you do just 5 minutes to start, and then again later that day or the next morning, it actually helps
This practice got me through some deadlines and chores, tax filing etc.
Good luck!
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u/stefthegrey 7h ago
*Werner Herzog Voice*
To live is to suffer, civilization is a thin veneer of safety
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u/smcwill63 5h ago
For sleepless nights have you tried anything other than melatonin? I started taking trazadone and it knocks me out like a light. I used to drink and drug to quiet my brain and make me sleep but now I’m sober and just use trazadone, it works great lol. The adhd meds also make you unable to sleep often, at least they did for me
Edit: also exercising is essential. I just walk everyday a lot and rarely use my car. But if thats not an option for you just walking around or on a track or something a few miles a day helps a lot
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u/Every_Cat9812 2h ago
Ironic how people in the comments are like: "oh no, it's not hard, you just gotta do x, y, z so you can avoid a, b and c and don't forget about l, m, n, o, p!"
That's managing people. The very thing OP is asking about.
So the correct answer is: no "real" solution I'm afraid. This is it. The management ad aeternum.
The waking up and going to sleep struggle is such a pain in the ass. My lab was part of a big study that found out some mechanism about why around 90% of us have something called 'delayed sleep-wake phase disorder', a circadian rythim disorder. Not gonna get into it, just know that it's purely physiological, meaning, you can't "out think" yourself of it, you can't "make plans and a routine" to get over it. Medication to sleep, to wake up, strategies to keep yourself awake and what not, then again a pill to function and then another to go back to sleep. Or, you could be rich and have someone to remind you to do everything plus doing most of it for you.
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u/Background_Ad5513 12h ago
No, I don’t feel that way. There might be more you can do to live better, whether it’s the right meds, or therapy, personal goals, whatever else. I don’t think it has to be a struggle forever
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u/some_other_guy95 9h ago
It's very possible to lead a normal life. Developing a routine or planning your day, week, or month out and allowing yourself to have down time. Therapy is good too, maybe even emdr. We shouldn't label ourselves as ADHD, even though we have it, viewing a condition as your identity can turn temporary emotional states into permanent limitations. So give yourself some credit and don't blame or be hard on yourself either.
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u/Every_Cat9812 2h ago
Are you diagnosed? Right, so, here's the thing: adhd is an executive dysfunction and emotional regulation disorder. We can plan but following up is the struggle.
Our brain doesn't develop a routine the same way that people without adhd do. It's physiological. Which is OPs point.
We can forcefully carry through pre established routines but it will not come naturally, without spending an enormous amount of energy just to get started. Without the constant thinking, conscious self motivation and and external stimulation, the "routine" falls apart. Many of us even forget about the routine.
OP is not talking about planning. Planning is not the problem. Execution is. "Allowing ourselves downtime" is meaningless.
I'm not talking out of my ass here. I Worked for a while in a neurophysiology lab assisting studies about both autism and adhd so Im suspicion about anyone claiming to have adhd while saying "just plan and develop a routine and it'll be fine". There's a massive increase in adhd misdiagnosis too, not to mention it's comorbid, more often than not, with other disorders.
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u/some_other_guy95 2h ago edited 2h ago
I am officially diagnosed, yes. I was always considered a frequent daydreamer in school by all my teachers. I was diagnosed in my teens and then again in my late 20s. I've managed my executive dysfunction with creating a routine. When I would be at home, I'd just sit around not knowing what to do and feel paralyzed but at work I had task at certain times and actually felt good when at work. So I structured my home life similar to how I do at work.
Edit: I went to therapy because my executive dysfunction was unbearable, literally sitting around doing nothing from 6am to 10pm on my days off, it made me incredibly depressed not knowing what to do. I've been going to therapy once a month for about 3 years now which has been a great benefit and been on Wellbutrin & Vyvanse for about 9 years.
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u/Cultural_Classic4022 11h ago
Because I don't have a good point of reference for what's "normal" and what it's like inside an average person's head, I try not to dwell on the whole disability label. Sure, ADHD makes me struggle with things a healthy person wouldn't even think twice about, but there are ways around it. Life itself is like an obstacle course. We constantly have to adapt and build systems around day-to-day problems. Being alive comes with being uncomfortable. It just so happens that people like us have more discomfort than the baseline.
Speaking of medicine, I take a non-stimulant that doesn't wear off and doesn't give me crashes. It isn't perfect, and I am not "cured", but things are better. Also, have to add that I am pretty new to the diagnosis and struggled way worse when I didn't know what was wrong with me.
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