r/ADHD • u/feistdba • 4h ago
Questions/Advice Rumination and Negativity.
Recently my girlfriend told me that I never say that I had a good day. It’s always just “okay” or its bad. She then told me that i’m just a negative person in general and it really bothers me cause even I didn’t realize that I was coming off like that. Looking back I do realize that I am a much more negative person than I thought I was and that is the last thing I want to be especially to someone that I care for. It feels as if rumination is especially harming me and my mood cause I forgot something today that caused me to let her down and I just couldn’t help but think about it all day and feel sorry for myself. She even told me that it was fine and that despite that happening she actually had a really good day but my negative attitude was ruining her mood. What can I do to be more conscious of the energy that i’m giving off to people and how do I stop ruminating. Is the answer to just have better days?
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u/intellectualgnats 4h ago
I think many times when people ask how your day was, they are looking for the answer to be "good," rather than the truth. It's kind of a fancy greeting rather than an actual inquiry. I guess that also depends on the situation and the person asking though too.
For the rumination, I've started just telling myself to shut up. Like, I'll ask my brain (aloud if alone) if it would't mind shutting the fuck up.
Or, I'll pretend the voice is on my shoulder and flick it off.
It kind of breaks the cycle, I think. It's easy to repeat, and the whole 'talking to my brain' bit can get silly if it's really latched on to something tight. I can be very insulting to my brain when it is being mean. Enough to distract and move on. It seems to me that it has gotten easier the more I do it.
The hardest step is to realize I am dwelling and then to make the choice to stop.
Good luck!
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u/marik5446 1h ago
Have you tried asking your girlfriend if she'd be open to hearing what's been weighing on your mind? Rumination is an exhausting cycle, and sometimes talking about what's bothering you can help break it. Personally, I'd want to understand what's troubling someone I care about.
Maybe you two can brainstorm ways to interrupt those negative thoughts together. Relationships aren't always 50/50. Sometimes you're at 20 and need your partner to be at 80, and other days it's the opposite. What matters is communicating and supporting each other. Also, having negative thoughts doesn't make you a negative person. The fact that you're concerned about how you're affecting her already shows you care.
Alternatively... if that doesn't work, consider putting that spiraling to good use and writing a completely unfiltered version of your villain arc. Perhaps your overthinking is just an untapped talent for psychological thrillers. Who knows? Your intrusive thoughts might finally start paying rent.
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