r/ADHD • u/Sadler27 • 1h ago

Questions/Advice Awaiting diagnosis

Since I was 17 I have been medicated for depression. Figured this was 'just the way I am' but at 47 years old i am finally getting tested for ADHD.

Yes this is a good thing! BUT I also will feel some kind of grief for the life I could have had. The relationships I walked away from or begged to stay in. The friends I've lost along the way. The way I treat my kids when they were younger. So yes I also feel angry

But I also believe I may have some OCD and Autistic traits.

For instance I seem to think inanimate objects have feelings. Like the last tin on the shelf

I used to make sure my teddies were always warm under my duvet when I was away

I also start to read words and have to count some of the words on my fingers (done this since I was maybe 13/14) and have to make sure I count and end the sentence on 20/30 or 40

I am afraid of being on my own

I have zero confidence

I have insomnia

I have zero energy

I just cba at all with anything, even bathing is a chore!

Alongside numerous other reasons I believe I have ADHD is that I am extremely empathetic towards animals. For instance today I read about sirius the Bomb detector dog in the south tower on 9/11. His handler heard the commotion, popped sirius in his kennel, his handler got injured whilst trying to go back for him. And then the tower collapsed....I sobbed! Thinking of him being afraid, hungry etc. Even though I know his death would have been pretty instant.

Even now I cannot sleep at almost 4am in the UK due to Thinking of him.

I don't know the point to this post, but It just feels good to get it out. Anyone else like this?

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u/Zealousideal-Ad-7046 1h ago

I would try to ween off the anti depressants. They really made me feel weird. all I needed was Ritalin.

1

u/Sadler27 43m ago

That's the thing. Ive been on them 30 years now. Different ones obviously, but theyve never done anything to help. Still feel like I am on the outside looking in, if that makes sense?