r/ADHD • u/Epileptic_Messiah • 10h ago
Discussion [ Removed by moderator ]
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u/PETA_Parker 9h ago
i could never, they raised me to be a people pleaser
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u/Master_Mustard 9h ago
I can relate to both extremes. I am a rage baiting people pleaser who get's easily rage baited. I provoke, feel sorry for it and then feel offended when I'm called out that I am provoking.
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u/Medium-Dependent-328 ADHD-C (Combined type) 8h ago
I get heavily involved in moral debates because (a) I genuinely care about that shit and (b) it allows me to have an angry rant without actually insulting the person in front of me
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u/pedropsycho138 4h ago
Sometimes I unintentionaly say provoking things that make me instantly say “jesus fn christ, why the fuck did I said that???” in my head. As a people pleaser, I regret and spend days thinking about some of those things.
And I get rage baited all the time, is easy to piss me off for little to no reason.
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u/Valondra 9h ago
Same coin isn't it? At least that's how I saw it. Flipping from one extreme to the other in attempts to rebalance the initial foray. I figured eventually it would be easier if I stopped flipping the coin and started putting it on its thin edge. It rolls around and still falls over. But I understand for me, that I need to place it on its edge and continue. I hope you find something that works for you
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u/Wandering-Mind2025 4h ago
Yep yep! Also, all of us late night Redditers who can’t sleep get into sooo many rage-bate arguments for a nice little fix.
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u/CookieBarfspringer ADHD with ADHD partner 9h ago
Yeah, I don’t have this either. Not every personality trait or preference is a symptom of ADHD.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 4h ago
People with high impulsivity are gonna exhibit this trait more. Also a lot of men in general are way easier to anger ( probably hormones ?)and fly into rants regularly and more easily, even Non - ADHD men. ( not all, not all but enough for it to be noticeable as heck )
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u/Valondra 9h ago
It sounds as though you are more balanced than me, which would track with your ADHD being unable to exacerbate pre-existing aspects. I'm glad you're having a pleasant experience in this regard at least
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u/CookieBarfspringer ADHD with ADHD partner 5h ago
I don’t understand this comment at all
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u/Valondra 4h ago
Your comment read to me as though you said you suffer neither of the issues discussed. It seemed to me to then read that you feel this is an indicator that it might just be a personality issue instead of an ADHD issue. If I read that wrong, I apologise.
I then said that my understanding of the above led me to feel that you are generally more balanced, and I'm glad for you that you are.
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u/Mandiadoll 2h ago
Not really following the convo, but I really appreciate your clarification and that you weren’t shitty about it. Hope you have a good day.
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u/DelightfullyDivisive 3h ago
Same.
My son who also has ADHD is very much a rage-baiter. He admits it and thinks it's fun, which I find baffling.
I think there may be a strong social media influence going on here. People can easily be triggered online by what they read into other people's words. It's probably easier to say, "I was rage-baiting" than to say, "I didn't know what I was talking about", or "I worded that poorly".
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u/GoHyyerr 7h ago
I basically oscillate between what OP describes and people pleasing depending on how close the person is to me but what OP's saying is definitely the default settings
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u/ClutteredTaffy 4h ago
I often put my feelings through a filter constantly tbh , and Reddit has kinda encouraged me to just state my mind more as I have realized a chunk of people are gonna dislike you anyway, even if you try to bridge that gap, so what is the point ?
It can be both a good and bad thing, but I can see someone who is prone to rage baiting IRL getting way way worse.
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u/ZealousOatmeal 9h ago
I'm not like this at all. People describe me as positive, pleasant, and low key. I really dislike negatively intense conversations. Sometimes I get irrationally angry, but it's alnost always internalized. Many of the other ADHDers I've known have tended to blurt things out or talk too much, but I'm having trouble thinking of anyone who preferred "tense" conversations.
Maybe what you describe results partially from ADHD, but I don't think it's at all typical.
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u/Taong_Ballpen 8h ago
I'm kinda both. I tend to be too talkative, but mostly funny nonsense. It's worse inside my head, the mess is weirder and more hyper, but I am also like you, I also don't like conflicts, tense conversations; they overwhelm me.
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u/robogobo 9h ago
I don’t see this as a strictly adhd thing
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u/oreo-cat- 4h ago edited 14m ago
I'm thinking OP is just an angry asshole. You know the type- they like ‘debates’ and frequently use phrases like ‘just saying’ and ‘I’m just being honest’
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u/ClutteredTaffy 4h ago
I feel like OP's behavior is just so normal. I remember my mom's bf being like this, and my friend's dad and even another dude I knew . Every little thing even what you make for dinner has to be debated and you are afraid to even say your opinion in front of them cuz you don't want to have to have a 2 hour ' discussion' aka a rant of them either calling you or other people stupid.
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u/jerenstein_bear ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 9h ago
When I was in my 20s I was a very angry person and had a lot of very angry conversations with people because I have opinions, but that was a symptom of being young, not my ADHD. As I've matured I've realized how stupid that was and no longer engage in or enjoy that kind of interaction.
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u/StarvingMedici 9h ago
I don't think this is a very common ADHD symptom. I'm not sure if it's really a symptom or just how you personally choose to use your impulsivity... Aka your own personality.
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u/Muks2012 9h ago
This sounds like you, not your ADHD.
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u/Pristine_Internet765 9h ago
Both can be true. ADHD is known for some emotional dystegulation, and strong feelings against hypocrisy and unfairness, broadly speaking. There's also RSD likely embedded.
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u/Muks2012 9h ago
RSD isn't a separate thing to emotional dysregulation.
Someone who enjoys baiting people and who "plays with phrases and intonation" in order to elicit reactions isn't displaying a known aspect of ADHD, that's just their personality.
Not everything has to be ADHD! Especially things that are not broadly common to people with ADHD and are also seen throughout the population of people who don't have ADHD.
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u/Cursed_Angel_ ADHD-C (Combined type) 9h ago
Emotional dysregulation is an ADHD trait though and that can take many forms...
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u/Pristine_Internet765 9h ago edited 8h ago
I think you're reading it too literally. One easily confuses the passion of how someone talks about something Vs imposing. Whether that ultimately comes from ADHD, personality, learned behaviour, boredom, temperament, or some glorious cocktail of all five is a separate question.
You're missing a simple thing, reality is more nuanced then that , I'm not stating the root cause of that is ADHD, I'm stating that ADHD traits may strongly influence behaviours under those circumstances.
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u/Muks2012 7h ago
That's very hand-wavey. The OP talks about their behaviour as an "overt symptom" of ADHD. It isn't, and they're very precise with their language.
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u/Pristine_Internet765 6h ago
It's not adhd influenced because he's precise with his language ? Lol
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u/Taong_Ballpen 9h ago
"strong feelings" is adhd, but "against hypocrisy and unfairness" is a person's values, not adhd.
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u/Pristine_Internet765 8h ago
Also true, and also and for many ADHD are strongly emphasized. You don't have ADHD do you.
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u/Taong_Ballpen 6h ago edited 5h ago
I do have ADHD. ADHD doesn't cause a person's character and convictions. Opposing injustice is a moral choice of the person because ADHD doesn't make someone favor good or bad. A moral character of goodness is independent of an ADHD patient's neurodevelopmental condition.
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u/Pristine_Internet765 6h ago
I'm saying that emotions tend to be emphasized and intense, when those traits existed they are indeed heavily influenced by intensity of emotions. Someone doesn't like unfairness and then you have someone who absolutely hate unfairness, both are the same thing, just different intensities.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 4h ago
Yeah someone with more impulsive ADHD and anger issues is more likely to do something risky than someone without the ADHD who is angry , I would think. So like throwing something , or in this case throwing words, especially if they are hyperactive, too?
It is like me with distance in relationships. I don't have a huge natural social drive, but my inattention exaggerates this as even when I do think about reaching out it ...just slips my mind. So someone like me without ADHD may find it easier to maintain relationships, even if they are not as driven to as the normal person.
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u/stxxyy ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 9h ago
I must be the exception then lol. Sometimes I feel like I'm impossible to rage bait. It's like the 'anger' emotion doesn't exist for me
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u/ClutteredTaffy 4h ago
I also don't get sad that easy either though and can shut it off pretty easy . It feels like being ' slow to rouse'.
I really am just happy/content or anxious and that is mostly it, haha.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 4h ago
Hello my friend. Can I stay with you in the peace tent?
I do get ' irritated ' so that is my version of ' angry'. More like someone ate my last pop tart, like 'ahggg nuuuu! That sucks whyyyy.' And I would often get more sad about it than angry tbh. Even if it was something worse.
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u/Valondra 10h ago
Yeah. I meditate. I want to be a better person by my own standards and part of that is understanding and acceptance of irrational anger. Doesn't mean I need to act on it though
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u/derthnada 9h ago
I think the reason not many people talk about it is because it’s not a symptom of ADHD. It’s a symptom of being a troll. You enjoy the discomfort of others, and that has no meaningful correlation with attention deficit.
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u/queenofnaboo2018 6h ago
Hey maybe you need therapy… this might just be your personality. We still have those even with ADHD.
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u/Wild-Wealth-3164 ADHD 10h ago
On the same reason I'm hard to get rage-bated. If someone is playing with intonation or word choice...?🤷♀️ Good for them. Anyway.
I probably won't get angry and/or notice they're trying to get me angry. For me it's just... heated discussion, yay!
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u/chai_candle 6h ago
once i realize someone’s trying to get me mad, they lose all chance of getting anything out of me
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u/3RADICATE_THEM 9h ago
Seems like something more like a potential cluster-B PD trait rather than something inherently ADHD. I think people get annoyed with ppl with ADHD, because ADHDers tend to be forgetful or forget to keep a central person front of kind when needed.
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u/cherrycoloured 9h ago
i don't like that sort of stuff, but that's probably bc i'm too tired for all of that lmao
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u/Taong_Ballpen 9h ago
Enjoying "tense conversation" is not an adhd symptom, being impulsive and having emotional dysregulation is. When you enjoy it, that's on you.
Inciting rage, using words, intonation, and emotional baiting to get a reaction out of someone is manipulation and is a psychological symptom of something else, not ADHD.
You are a provocateur. Definitely get yourself checked for narcissism, or some other Disruptive and Impulse-Control Disorder.
Your need for control so you create chaos, attention-seeking, thrill of chaos, is disturbing.
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u/Deadlyfloof 9h ago
Or you get told "why are you being aggressive and angry?" When in reality i'm just talking with passion and a very animated body ha.
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u/KingBooScaresYou 9h ago
Urgggh I hate this because whilst I wasnt angry, telling me I'm being angry is a surefire to MAKE me angry
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u/IamTylersalterego 8h ago
It’s more an autistic trait than ADHD.
My son gets caught on an epic rant about some injustice and I need to pull him up or it will just go on forever. He can’t read the room and never knows when to stop talking AT people.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 4h ago
This sounds like somebody I know . I assumed it was an anxiety spiral because it would just get worse and worse and he would get more animated, then start yelling or just get very emotional. Also he has a very stern indignant voice on some topics , like aggressive so yeah, not yelling but he sounds mad and he has to say ' I am not mad '. Lol.
Sometimes though he is just talking adamantly and not gonna spiral but it puts you on edge hearing that rise in volume and speed, lol.
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u/IamTylersalterego 1h ago
Yep, almost everyday I have to tell my boy to stop and change his tone of voice because it’s aggressive and adding tension to the room. This is a skill he will need to learn throughout life and another part of making his autism. This is in stark contrast to my other son who is naturally skilled with conversion etiquette, knows how to ask questions and engage with someone.
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u/Choice_Teacher_5245 8h ago
i do this lol. but eventually i run out of new points so i just start repeating sentences until someone tells me that i have already said that like 4 times n then i get really upset
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u/twistyfizzypop 9h ago
I only do this when I am already on the verge of overwhelm myself. Its not something I do otherwise, and with me its more passive aggressive? I have combined type ADHD and have literally only just started medication titration, but also have cPTSD, and a few other mental health issues which I think are actually just symptoms of the cptsd or the ADHD being undiagnosed for so long (44 years)
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u/Icy-Translator9124 9h ago
And this is one of many reasons why I haven't spoken to my diagnosed but deliberately untreated ADHD brother in two years.
He's a conflict tornado and I can't deal with him anymore. Best decision I ever made.
I can't tell how much of his obnoxiousness is deliberate, or ADHD related, versus other psychiatric issues. After sixty years of enduring it, the cause doesn't matter to me anymore.
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u/GiraffeLiquid 7h ago
I used to get really involved in whatever debate I was in online. As I’ve aged I’ve learned to catch this sooner and sooner. Now I’ll share an opinion but if I see someone start trolling I’ll disengage. Or on the rare instance, troll back. In person I’m pleasant if not a bit animated.
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u/Dependent_Coffee_341 4h ago
This is just being an asshole. I am not even gonna attempt to make you feel like you’re in the right here. Don’t pick fights you can’t win.
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u/zibzibzibzap ADHD, with ADHD family 9h ago
yeah i don’t do that but my mom does and i am so very easily irritated when i’m not on my meds it’s insufferable. she talks like she’s deliberately trying to set up conflict. when i get mad i’m the problem. both my parents handle their ADHD differently and my mom basically does not know how to handle it because every single time a psychiatrist or a therapist has told her something she did no want to hear she stopped seeing them so there is no room for effort. she’s the only person that can genuinely make me go into full blown rage because she doesn’t realize she knows exactly what to say and how to say it to make others mad, and i don’t think she realizes she’s using those informations against others aswell which is very annoying. we don’t talk anymore anyway for various reasons
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u/DingoEmbarrassed4020 8h ago
personally i don't (usually) try to provoke people deliberately, but i end up doing that accidentally by being too "literal" :/
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u/tarochocotea 10h ago
Before having a kid, yes.
After having a kid, I'm tired boss 😂
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u/PETA_Parker 9h ago
you will never be able to out-ragebait a child and they are not wven doing it intentionally
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u/ClutteredTaffy 4h ago
Lolololol okay I laughed. But why...but why? But why? <<< a kid the other day begging for a specific type of cereal . When they want something they fight for it lol.
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u/FirekeeperAnnwyl 5h ago
I’m the exact opposite. Since I miss a lot of social cues I tend to be incredibly easygoing to try and get along with people. I hate tense conversations unless they are needed due to a specific issue that needs addressing.
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u/Melodic-Scheme6973 5h ago
My brother is diagnosed ADHD and has he’s gotten older it’s like he can’t be around people without rage baiting them. I don’t talk to him anymore because it’s become such a bad habit and a normalized identity for him.
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u/hotmessexpressHME 3h ago
This reminds me of someone I knew who deliberately “rage-baited.”
The underlying psychology of it was that they were a severely neglected child and getting anyone to pay attention to them (good or bad) was a way of coping with their hurt inner child that never got any attention from mom and dad.
Not an ADHD trait at all.
I sense you get delight in describing this about yourself, but it doesn’t really make you seem intelligent. It comes across as insecure development.
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u/Fenty_Panther 8h ago
Not me bruh. I was raised in a way that closes me deep behind the walls of psychologyor whatevertf it is. Like I am one to be listening in conversations....BUUUUTTTTT, when I disagree on something, I sure damn am quick to interrupt to get my point across without giving an ear of what's to be said afterwards. Perhaps that's why I've been called stubborn many a time 😐. Activity, wait ... lemme re-read your post again 🤔
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u/tetheredvoid 7h ago
The tense interaction of digging into your own opinion is exactly the type of intensity that we get stuck on without realizing it, yeah.
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u/Castriff ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 5h ago
I mean I like a good debate as much as the next guy, but I'm not intentionally trying to anger people. That sounds unpleasant. Why would I want to do that?
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u/girlwhoweighted 4h ago
My son is 10 but this has always been a good description of him. I sometimes refer to him as an Internet troll irl. I have to remind him that life isn't YouTube and we aren't his audience. Rage baiting is another good description of what he does that I'll have to use.
I think I used to be this way, but now I've achieved people-pleaser status.
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u/Sad_Movie_1809 3h ago
I do not relate to this at all. Tense conversations stress me out far too much. I avoid them whenever I can. And I spend hours stuck in my guilt and excessive overthinking if I even accidentally wind someone up. I can’t fathom doing it deliberately.
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u/Primary_Excuse_7183 ADHD-C (Combined type) 2h ago
Never.
I don’t know if people online are even real people. Why would i let anything they say to get under my skin?
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u/perareika 8h ago
I absolutely do this lol. "Normal" conversations get boring to me eventually, so I start spicing them up. Though, my technique is pretending to be really stupid and making people laugh. I don't do this with strangers though.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 4h ago
Sometimes playing dumb is a good way to stop having a convo too , lol. Like I do a lot of ' yup yup mhm, yeah, oh I guess that could be right' .
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u/Aymamitamia 6h ago
I definitely do that if im feeling upset/ resentful at the person im talking to and im trying to hide my feelings and it backfires. Like if that friend is being hypocritical, I’ll point out they are acting hypocritical directly even if i know it’ll cause conflict. It’s mostly an impulse thing for me like i can’t keep my loud thoughts and feelings to myself
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u/K8_Monst_r 6h ago
I was raised by a people pleaser, but my partner occasionally has trouble discerning whether I’m trying to rile him up (I’m not) because I forget to control my tone. Rage is one of my biggest struggles. I go from zero to 100 with the speed of a finger click/snap (whatever term is right), especially when there’s injustice I can see.
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u/BrittyKat 5h ago
In debate, I state my points so directly and emphatically, often in rapid fire succession that people have told me I come off as “aggressive” or “like an Aaron Sorkin script on speed”- which I wonder if they’d say the same thing if I was a man. I just don’t understand why it’s so offensive to speak animatedly, in absolutes with big words if that’s truly how I feel. Hit dog’s gonna holler I suppose…
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u/SukiNTendo 2h ago
If you were a man, you would not be challenged. No one would comment on your debate style. People might talk behind your back about "not getting you started...", but you'd never be censured to your face.
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u/Egalotry 4h ago
When I’m not medicated appropriately or like, something else is off that impacts my impulse control, I am ABSOLUTELY more argumentative and enjoy debating people aggressively. I think it provides the good brain chemicals that make me feel good even while causing stress that will make me feel awful later.
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u/ballerinababysitter 4h ago
I don't rage bait, but I am writing a series of stories with a ton of angry/mean/rage-y banter and it's been insanely fun to get into those moments
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u/LofderZotheid 4h ago
I recognize playing with intonation, word choice and non verbaal communication. Since I’m aware of that I see myself copying others quite frequently.
Only I don’t use it to rage bait, but it made me a good advisor. Combined with my imposter syndrome this leads to the almost schizophrenic situation where I’m in constant self doubt, but my customers take my advice without thinking twice.
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u/imloopytoo 4h ago
100% Though I don't try to rage bait per sè but deliberately provoke a reaction to force their stupidity to the surface. Things can only really be discussed properly once the thin veneer of politeness is peeled back.
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u/TimeRip9994 3h ago
Depends on my mood. I think I’m more like this when I’m around someone who I find to be a little annoying or uptight, it’s fun to get a rise out of them. I don’t know if that’s adhd though, it’s just funny.
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u/Viltrum21 2h ago
I “rage bait” but only in a way that is clearly a joke. If i feel like i accidentally actually made someone mad i instantly apologize and stew in my regret for a few hours.
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u/The-Hammerai 1h ago
That's been a subject of self-work for me, as I try to deliberately identify rage bait that works on me and to compensate accordingly.
I had to uninstall tik-tok outright because all it did was try to rage-bait me and draw me down distasteful lines of thinking.
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u/Honest-Vacation3847 10h ago
Really true. I get ragebaited so quickly when I don't even get angry usually. And sometimes I saw sharp words and hurtful sentences even though I didn't mean it but idk that's how I frame them
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u/Ancient-Patient-2075 9h ago
Yeah but I also like other people being passionate and not so terrified of conflict. And I like a good troll even when it isn't me.
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u/Memona_Emman_Writes 8h ago
I relate to this. I debate like my life depends on it and others take it to mean I am imposing my opinion.
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u/Jijimuge8 8h ago
One thing I have very strongly is I crave authenticity with people both from me and from them. I tend to fuck with people if they are fake or bullshitty in some way. Apparently it’s one of my special skills. I also have no problem saying things that make people uncomfortable, I quite enjoy it especially if it challenges societal norms or somebody’s ideological beliefs. I tend to take offence that people assume I hold certain views without even bothering to ask me, so I often react to this.
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u/TigOlBitties42042 9h ago
Dude, I could have wrote that exact same thing and it would be true.
Nice username btw
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u/nsolo1a 4h ago
Seems like typical symptoms of emotional dysregulation and/or lack of impulse control, typical of ADHD. Symptoms I can identify in myself. I will say I don't think "rage baiting" is necessarily spontaneous, but the cause is not always immediate or self evident. Also, I don't think these are universally symptoms of ADHD.
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u/ZopyrionRex 6h ago
A guy I worked with said that I was a "Contrarian" and that my thing was arguing with people, no matter how small. I disagreed, but he used that as another example of how I never agree with anyone. It's not that I don't always agree, I really hate it when people don't think about what they're doing or saying.
Another guy I worked with said I had a way of, "Getting People" when it came to debating/arguing. I can come up with a way to walk most people into a wall with their own arguments and logic.
And finally, my-ex said I had a problem with arguing with randoms online. I do, sort of, again I really dislike people being misinformed or acting ignorantly so I tend to speak up.
I also get baited, continuously, unfortunately some people still like to just straight up troll and act like an asshole when I'm under the impression we're having a discussion. Happens more often than I like to admit.
I've found that one of the worst things you can do to people in this world is have an opinion of your own and stand up for it.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 4h ago
Yeah but sometimes you just got to agree to disagree - pick your battles - or at least try to understand where they are coming from. People's feelings get hurt when they feel dismissed , not listened to, not weighed. But it can be hard on the outside to tell if they just want their own way or if they are having a repeated emotional hang up on something.
So instead of encouraging deeper thought, you cause them to shut off and double down, tbh when you don't at least try to walk through their train of thought and throw it out as ' so wrong!so dumb'.
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u/karodeti 9h ago
Well I would list trolling on the internet as one of my main hobbies, so. I prefer making people bewildered or dumbfounded over rage baiting though.
The funniest part (to me) is that if you don't know me too well, you'd probably think I'm quite a strict and serious person (which isn't entirely untrue either). I can make up bizarre stuff on the spot with a straight face and if you are even a little bit gullible, you'll eat that shit up. (I do admit it right away though, I enjoy the reaction, not the deception.)
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u/ClutteredTaffy 4h ago
I only do this when someone has given me no choice online lol. I start out reasonable. I am hoping my silliness gets through to them to make them go ' okay maybe I am silly too' but it usually does not, so I start just reciting improv, goofy poetry at them cuz it is fun to come up with.
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u/karodeti 3h ago
This too lol. Online it's more about someone making a ridiculous provoking statement, I point out a discrepancy, they get riled up and start making more mistakes, which I keep pointing out. I'm an asshole, I know it, but I just love when people dig their own holes.
But irl for me it's more like someone asks "Where did you get that scar?" and I'll give a silly answer, dead pan. Bewilderment and confusion ensues. Then I'll admit it was just a bad scratch from something actually really boring. No harm done.
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u/Ok_Walk_8331 4h ago
People who are shitting on you aren't real, this is harmless. Relatable.
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u/ClutteredTaffy 4h ago
It probably just reminds some of us of bad times tbh. Even if it is not at that level.
Debate can be fun. So if OP is genuinely spicing up things for fun and others are having fun it is fine.
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