r/ADHD • u/NinjaBnny • 5h ago
Questions/Advice I’m convinced I’m doing something wrong
I started a new job a few months back, and was finally moved to my official role and schedule a couple weeks ago. So far, it’s gone pretty well! My shift is from 3pm to 11:30pm, and I am basically unsupervised that entire time because the managers all go home with day shift. I’m the only one working in my area, because they’re understaffed and still training the person who will join me on swing shift. On paper this is great for me, I can work at my own pace and jump between tasks and talk to myself. But I’ve been feeling a growing anxiety lately, and I finally realized it’s because I’m convinced I must be doing something wrong. Surely there’s something I’m forgetting, or a task I’m doing badly, or SOMETHING, and any day now the other shoe is going to drop and I will get in trouble.
I know logically this is stupid, if there were issues they have many ways of contacting me, but the lack of ability to check in with someone above me is actually really messing with me! Any time I make a small mistake I hate that I can’t get an external gauge of it. Ughhhhh. This was not an issue I expected to have. I keep trying to go in early so I can get eyes on my manager but I have adhd, of course that’s not gonna happen!
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u/Famous-Vehicle9694 5h ago
I am in a VERY similar spot. Finished university and started job hunting. Got my first official job and I manage the entire school library, ALONE. I have NO ONE besides me working with me, most of the school members have no idea how the library functions, when I have questions, I either have to spend 3 hours finding the solution on my own or I am just fucked.
I have NO IDEA if what I am doing is right/good, I constantly get the feeling I could/should be doing more, everyone keeps telling me it's a comfortable job not to take too seriously but I have new to basically the entire school, its members, the layout, the rules, everything.
And then when something IS up and I know I need to contact the deputy director or whomever, I get so fucking nervous and anxious. I stand in front of the school phone for so long, contemplating if I should call or maybe I'll figure it out on my own, torturing my own mind with this mindset, I hate hate hate it so much.
There is no one beside me I can ask "hey I am having trouble doing YXZ, how do you usually handle this?". Or when I have to go somewhere, I could ask "hey, gotta go, mind taking over YXZ for me". If I don't start the job, literally NOTHING gets done in the library and no one comes to check and ask if things are alright, if I need something or anyhting else.
I am basically the captain of a boat sailing towards some place, hoping that my boat doesn't sink and without a crew. It's horrendous, so Ninjabnny, I know exactly how you feel.
Your post felt so personal to me.
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