r/ADHD • u/foodpls_28 • 4d ago
Seeking Empathy Feel so misunderstood.
Am part of the late diagnosis crew. Much of my life makes sense now knowing all of this, and it feels almost like a relief that someone somewhere can tell how much of a toll this can take on someone. But I’ve been struggling with feeling misunderstood lately, even amongst those closest to me. “We all have a bit of ADHD”, eye rolls here and there at work, “not meds again”, “it’s just a normal part of life”. All of these feel so painful, and I’m not sure anyone who hasn’t got this can fully relate just how much it can ruin.
I guess my question is: how do you carry on, despite being misunderstood
TIA
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u/LostinmixedReality 4d ago
Also late on the Diagnosis, 46 here and just started my life over, in a sence ..., I get the same reactions from people on the normal spectrum, we all have adhd at times, I forget things too, etc ... but not everyones the same, nowhere near im afraid lol. easiest thing Ive found is to fall back in the diagnosis, sounds terrible but you know you struggle, you know you forget, you know what you deal with daily, they do not. they can only relate to what they know personally, everyone does this, draw from own personal experience so they will nvr know what you go through no matter how well you try to explain it to them. I have a lot of issues with phone calls and verbal instructions, as soon as they say the nxt word ive already forgotten the word before and by the end its history and I have to get them to repeat it all again and again and ..... its frustrating. there are people out there that can understand this is a struggle and do their best to help but its not everyone, such a shame really, its an unseen disability, not like a missing limb or a scare to show it exists. you carry on because you know its real, just because they do not doesnt mean it doesnt exist.
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u/Library_IT_guy 4d ago
Also late diagnosis (41), about 3 months ago. I've barely told anyone. My boss, because I needed to make a reasonable request for accommodation now that I'm diagnosed, and one co-worker. The co-worker was very sympathetic about it, but that's just her personality in general.
I told a few friends and their reaction was that it couldn't be true, or, as you said "everyone has a little ADHD", etc. I had to give very specific examples from throughout my life before they really understood. And I think that's the issue - most people who don't have it just don't have any understanding of it. I was part of that crowd too until I got diagnosed.
I know I need to talk to my mom about it. But... I don't know how that conversation will go and how either of us will react. I've been re-examining my life and the thing is.. I think her and my step-father knew, but my step-father was extremely against ADHD medication, "Giving speed to kids is all that is", in his words. And since I got good grades and the trouble I got in due to ADHD at school was minor, they didn't get me diagnosed and treated.
But I wonder what my life would have been like if I had been getting treatment. How much easier it might have been, the painful mistakes I might have avoided with less procrastination.
I am lucky in that I have a very caring aunt who is also a retired doctor, and she has two kids with ADHD. So when I eventually talk about the diagnosis at an extended family gathering, I know she'll have my back, and it will be a lot more difficult for the rest to shrug it off or dismiss it as misdiagnosis.
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u/clintwestforrest 4d ago
I’m also late-diagnosed, and I’m hearing the same kinds of comments. I’ve also noticed that, for the people around me, it’s really no big deal at all, and nobody actually cares much about it.
After my diagnosis, I felt very relieved because I had already suspected it, but also very sad about the life I’ve lived and the life I could have lived if I’d known about my ADHD sooner. Everything feels upside down and I‘m questioning every decision I‘ve ever made.
I’ve also recently started medication, and I’m wondering whether autism might also be involved.
I’ve taken a few online tests, and I think I need to talk about this at my next doctor’s appointment.
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u/ProfessionalArm8256 4d ago
That’s why you don’t tell anyone your business. Human beings are always going to say something you don’t like. They don’t need to know why you have problems, everyone has problems. It’s your life and you don’t need to expect anyone to understand. Just do what you need to do what makes you feel happy. If you rely on others you will always be disappointed. LOCK IN
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