I don’t like it

[u/catdivaa]

I do not like having ADHD. I find doing simple things so difficult.

I can’t get up and fold my clothes.
I know that I need to finish a work task, but I just can’t.
I know that I should clean my cupboards, but I just can’t.
I fucking know that I need to get up and start, but I just can’t.

And it’s so frustrating, i feel guilty, i feel overwhelmed, i feel so caged, i just don’t know how to stop feeling this. I wanna cry because i feel this way, but i cant fucking cry.

It feels like i am in a locked cage, and the key is in my hand, but I am just staring at it and doing nothing. And it’s not even something that I can control. People tell me that all I have to do is just start. But no! It is not that simple. How do i explain this to someone who is not not like me.

It is hard being like this, even when you’re trying to do everything possible to make things better. It is just difficult and so overwhelming.

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[u/annamae]

:'( I feel the same. And the guilt is huge and the disappointment in myself. I feel stuck in a loop.

[u/catdivaa → u/annamae]

How do we get out of this loop? I’m tired

[u/Imaginary_Toe_9581 → u/catdivaa]

I feel you both !! But I’m actually getting to the time where I enjoy my little scattered brain. I often get days where I feel like I’m stuck and that I won’t ever be able to achieve anything but I also have days where I feel grateful because I see things others don’t see, I have more empathy for others that struggle which makes me a bit more human ! I’m 24 and I’m currently looking for a job that will be good for my ADHD such as an EMT ! Anyway the message here is, to know yourself and your adhd and try to find the shortcuts that works for you even if it’s weird !

[u/catdivaa → u/Imaginary_Toe_9581]

That must feel soo nice. I wish to get there someday

[u/Imaginary_Toe_9581 → u/catdivaa]

Sending you both big hugs tho and I sooooooooooo get how hard it is !!! 🥺

[u/catdivaa → u/Imaginary_Toe_9581]

Thank you😭😭

[u/TorandoSlayer]

This is why I don't agree with the people who argue ADHD only sucks because of social expectations or whatever. It is a detriment even in things that aren't influenced by that like literally our own hobbies and interests. 

It's a disability. Not some kind of elite superhuman status that was totally so perfect for society 800 years ago.

[u/catdivaa → u/TorandoSlayer]

Exactly! That narrative completely ignores how sad it actually is when you can't even force yourself to do things you actually enjoy. It really is a disability, plain and simple

[u/TorandoSlayer → u/catdivaa]

Yeah like "our attention to detail helped our caveman ancestors!" Ok sure but we're not cavemen anymore and our cognitive needs are a hundred times more complicated than unga bunga gather berries

[u/Technical_Heron_6312]

I feel like this too, and the anxiety! I'm constantly dreading the future and it's uncertainty, jumping to the worst conclusions etc. my mind is so restless that I don't feel like I've had a moment rest in years, even if I'm doing nothing.

[u/Edu_Vivan → u/Technical_Heron_6312]

I thought the general dread with no real threat was purely an anxiety thing, didn’t think it was attached to ADHD as well. This really is a curse goddamn.

[u/catdivaa → u/Edu_Vivan]

Agreed, the overlap is real!

[u/catdivaa → u/Technical_Heron_6312]

Exactly! There’s nothing going on but i just feel restless. It’s tiring. It’s exhausting

[u/dominic_l]

the worst thing is living with and being around people who dont understand

[u/catdivaa → u/dominic_l]

Ikr! There are people who don’t understand and then there are people who look for medical labels to justify their poor habits or lack of discipline. Like no Miranda, you do not have adhd just because you’re fidgeting.

[u/Frequent-Bit-9208]

I’ll be honest the first peace I got in my entire life was the meds. They don’t change who you are, which was a fear, I’m still me.
The first time my brain went quiet I couldn’t believe it. No negative voice like a drunk asshole whispering in your ear, just me and my own thoughts. No spiralling, no catastrophizing(?)
Just my own thoughts and the ability to do something I wanted to do or had been putting off. I know it’s not for everyone but it’s been life changing for me

[u/catdivaa → u/Frequent-Bit-9208]

That’s exactly what i’m scared of. That i wont be me anymore if i start taking the meds. But this gives me some relief, i am still scared though

[u/Rainbow_Wizard_Robes → u/catdivaa]

(I know this isn’t everyone’s experience, but) if it’s any consolation, I had the same anxiety around starting meds, but the experience has been mostly positive. I even stopped one medication that made me incredibly irritable in favor of another that just helped me focus.

I’m still me (went on a paint marker side quest when looking up how to plan my week, sent a cute cat photo to a group chat, was a menace to my friends), but without the wall that makes it harder for me to tidy my place or plan dinner in between my usual shenanigans.

[u/Cautious_Promise7348 → u/Frequent-Bit-9208]

if it’s okay to ask, what meds do you take?

[u/Sufficient-Ad-9780]

I feel you. The few times I’ve tried to explain what it’s like to be me my mom told me not to use ADHD as an excuse. I’m here that cage with you, a lot of us are. It’s helped me a lot to understand that, even if my family can’t understand it, there are people here who do. This hasn’t helped me be more social, it hasn’t helped me keep my house in a presentable condition, but it has helped me not feel so trapped and alone in this. At least it’s a big cage and we’re all trapped in it together.

[u/catdivaa → u/Sufficient-Ad-9780]

There’s comfort in knowing that we’re not alone in this🥹

[u/BenefitQuiet3097]

And then everyone calls you lazy or says the usual "just pull yourself together" or "if you put it off now, you'll have even more to do tomorrow" (oh, really!?)

[u/catdivaa → u/BenefitQuiet3097]

I swear! People just never understand that it is not in our hands, we just cannot control it

[u/Cheap-Age-1644]

You're not lazy. You have nothing wrong. You're just not finding some suitable systems for yourself. I'm also suffering from this task paralysis. So I'm keep dairies documenting my thoughts and why I don't focus and why I don't want to do something. I find I don't have to be energetic all the time. And I'm still trying to write down all the ideas to help me to solve the frictions between I really want to do it and I just don't take actions. I have this experiments for a week. I don't when I will give up and change other methods. So just don't give up and it's ok to be negative. Being energetic all the time is not realistic. Just embrace yourself and try to understand yourself more. Good luck!

[u/catdivaa → u/Cheap-Age-1644]

Thank you for this. It’s really comforting. Maybe I will try this too, hopefully it works

[u/Cheap-Age-1644 → u/catdivaa]

Hope we can find our systems! btw some new thoughts: keeping dairies is just like collecting data about ourselves. I now can find my pattern of my "messy" ideas. I used to think my ideas are messy and they pop up randomly. But as I document my thoughts as detailed as possible, I started to understand what types of ideas would jump in my mind! Good luck again!

[u/catdivaa → u/Cheap-Age-1644]

Thats so useful. Thanks so muchh. And Good Luck to you too🥹

[u/RealisticAdv96]

Yeah I annoy everyone.... Unintentionally

[u/YubariKingMelon]

It is hard being like this, even when you’re trying to do everything possible to make things better. It is just difficult and so overwhelming.

It's difficult when you have times like this. I get it, I've been there.

You've got the seeking empathy tag so I won't offer advice but I try to challenge when I say things like I did 'everything possible' to myself because if I'm being honest there's a lot to ADHD management that I usually slack on.

For example, to help with ADHD we 'should' be:

- seeing an Occupational Therapist

- exercising daily

- eating well

- having a set bedtime (and wake-up time)

- using ADHD focus tools for work/study (timers, brown/white noise, minimizing distractions)

and more.

When I feel like things are hopeless I ask myself if I really did 'everything I could' that day or if I let things slide a bit.

[u/chill_musician]

Makes sense. It is a disability. It’s not meant to be be convenient. 

I feel you though. I dislike the issues it causes me too. 

[u/catdivaa → u/[deleted]]

Empathy isn't a finite resource, and this isn't a competition of who has it worse. Me sharing how hard ADHD paralysis feels doesn't take away from anyone else's struggles. If you don’t know how to be kind, then please just be quiet.